Being someone who spends a lot of time reading emails, texts, and social media messages from divorced women, I have learned a lot about what they are thinking and feeling. That includes how they feel about their ex husbands!
So, to all the ex husbands out there, here is how your ex-wife feels about you, and what she really wants to say to you.
1. Your new look is really bugging her.
She thinks you’re trying to look like Bradley Cooper. You’re cute, but you’re not him.
2. I sometimes roll over in bed and reach out for you, forgetting you aren’t there anymore.
3. It will never stop bothering me that you got a girlfriend in the first two minutes we were separated.
4. I resent that you agreed I should quit my job and become a stay at home mom, because now I’m facing a tough job market and I have no clue what I’m supposed to do to make money and still try to be home when the kids get home from school.
5. I don’t get your unending anger.
6. Now that I’m dating, I realizes how much men really need and want sex.
7. I don’t miss your mother.
8. I love that the bathrooms (and actually the whole house) is cleaner now that you don’t live there anymore.
9. I will always resent the fact that you never changed one poopie diaper of any of the kids. Ever.
10. I will always resent the fact that you never got up in the middle of the night for one bottle feeding. Ever.
11. I want to say I’m sorry for so many things, and sometimes I hate myself for not doing so.
12. I secretly hope you’re jealous of my boyfriend.
13. I hate your attorney with a passion.
14. Sometimes when you come to pick up the kids, I want to throw my arms around you and tell you to come home.
15. I know you spend money on nice dinners and expensive trips and gifts for your girlfriend, and it makes me angry, because when you give me the child support check, you are mean and resentful about it.
16. I think you’re a great dad.
17. I now realize that sometimes when I thought I was mad at you, I was really mad at myself.
18. No matter how angry I am with you, you still make me laugh.
Like this article? Check out, “Arguing With The Ex? Know When To Walk Away”
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Doug, Chicago
I braced myself for a rough reading of “18 Things Women Say about their Ex-Husbands” but what I found in your clever reworking of Emma Johnson’s piece (“18 Things Men Say about their Ex-Wives”) was a tone of kindness and conciliation that was sweet and refreshing. I appreciated that for the most part your list of “things women say” was generous, peaceful and sometimes tender. While that tone may only sometimes be true and is certainly not universal, I thank you for putting it out there … it made me feel relieved and even a little bit optimistic.
caroline
Made me laugh and cry, I’m not a year into being divorced and am too hard on myself some days for feeling and thinking these very things, nice to know I’m “normal”
elif
So true! So hard! Moving through the process to the other side there are so many memories that I want to hold onto the good ones for my daughters sake. Remembering the good times, seeing things from another perspective, from outside, there is so much awareness that the awareness replaces a lot of the anger. It makes you wish that somewhere down the road, you could come together in a new sort of friendship.
johann
I googled “do women miss their ex husband” to get here. I expected a big fat “no”. Thanks for being honest. I know my ex missed me, but learning to appreciate me after divorce was hard for her. I’m glad that you have come to grips with it…
And for the record I changed more diapers than she did 🙂
Taren
johann. Well said. I think the author should hand in her Masters degree and work on getting a degree in real life, by experiencing it first hand, like we all had to.
Jamal
I wonder why people spend a lot of money and put their maximum effort on divorce and at least not putting the same effort to keep the family intact. Then regreting and missing and feeling and etc etc etc.. Why? How many life are we living ? It’s a short journey and worth fighting for who you care about. I still love my ex though. Oh by the way I was almost always the only one changes the diapers days and nights
Gen Anxiosomous
It’s so true! If they weren’t so spoiled and filled with such a huge sense of entitlement due to A.P. S. ( American Princess Syndrome) they would be satisfied with a man who loves and supports them and sacrifices every day to raise the children that she so desperately wanted due to her insistence that she will be an awesome mother. Aaaaaaaand even though she’s a few bricks shy of a load, that man continues to support her through her emotional roller coaster of a life because he truly loves her. For all of his love and devotion through 20 years of marriage, he’s stuck with half of his retirement, 80% of his income going to child support, and eating ramen noodles every night in order to afford groceries to feed his children that he gets to see once every other week, every other weekend and half of every holiday until they’re 18. Yeah…..
Ben
A recent study in the UK indicates that 54% of people regret their divorce.
(google it – it’s easy to find).
A therapist says that 10 years later, 75% of divorced people regret getting divorced, which they’ll admit to her, but will never admit publicly. This one will take some digging to find, and is more anecdotal.
Based on your list above and the two comments I made above, does it seem like we’re getting divorced too easily and not looking down the road far enough?
s babjee
Its nice to know that both men and women have feelings for their ex. Its pretty weird to realise why they don’t read this article before applying divorce.
Emotional tsunami engulfs all after effects.
Sometimes divorce is really necessary, but most times it could be delayed until forever.
Flako
My wife and I are starting to separate and I know she already misses me and I have changed more diapers than her, I have waken up for more midnight feedings. I just hate how she is doing this just because she is mad at me and the past.
Flako
For the record I am the one trying to save our marriage but it seems that my wife really doesnt care. I hope she doesnt regret it a the end. We have a 2 year old boy and identical twin girls.
Yummy
Sometimes I miss my ex, others times not at all. I did appreciate the fact that he was the bread winner, I resented the fact that I wasn’t good enough because I only worked part time and took care of the kids. I know he wanted the best for me and I the same for him but we could never encourage each other the right way. I miss the family aspect but not being disposable as soon as things went wrong. I DO NOT miss his mother at all, she was the most important person to him, she was disrespectful to me on a regular basis (all while she was supposedly “oblivious” to her own behavior). I was probably 5th or 6th in line. I miss having someone to come home to but I don’t miss feeling undervalued and unappreciated. I miss the sex, that was the only time we actually cared for each other completely. He’s a good father (even though he completely crushed my spirit as far as being a mother during the separation and divorce) but not a good mate for me. When it comes down to it, yes I miss my ex husband but I am now better since he left me. I am much more stronger, extremely self sufficient and happier than ever. It took some time to get to this place (I have a ways to go) but I am glad that I am here.
Sometimes I want to “spill the beans” and tell my ex husband everything I’m feeling but I don’t want to waste either of our time. So when I really feel the emotions flare up I will sit and cry to myself. I cry because I failed at something that I wanted but didn’t know how to do and had no one to show me. I failed with the one person in my life that I know for a fact I truly loved. I cry because it was “too late” when I realized my own part in the failure. I cry because I know he doesn’t care anymore. But I smile because when he left, yes it hurt like hell, it catapulted me into complete independence and taught me that I will be fine without him (even though he thought otherwise). I smile because I did find love even though it is now gone.
sk&ta
I miss my wife alot “the one i loved”, but not the one she changed to be at the end when we had divorced . I wish she wake up one day and return to be the best women i ever knew
tltl
I married young and left my wife for my mistress. After a time, sick of what I’d done, I left my mistress for myself. I don’t deserve another relationship and I’d take it all back if I could.
Brian
I have been divorced for over 30 years and still miss my ex wife each and every day. I made a huge mistake Just wish I had a do over!
tony andolini
me too bro. She was my highschool sweetheart. we married and had a beautiful daughter. its been 24 years since she left me and took our 6mth daughter away. I never wanted to breakup. I love her so much. She is my soul mate. I never saw them again to this day. I saw my daughter in a restaurant the other day, she didnt recognize me when i said hello. I am a broken alcoholic now. life sux
Justin
Last year, 3 weeks before the movers came to box our house up for the 3rd time in 5 years (Army family) my wife sat me down and wanted out. I was broken. We had separated but mended things, or so I thought. I was no saint through our marriage. I could sit here and try to justify my actions, but the bottom line is my actions were mine. That didn’t make the divorce any easier. We agreed to do it without lawyers, which was nice. We both could’ve drug each other through the mud in court, but the real people it would’ve affected were our kids. I let her have them without a fight. It felt like someone took a hot piece of iron and pushed it down my throat. I cried, no, weeped for days. When the dust settled, the last night in the house, I was alone. Everything we owned had been separated and my stuff was on it’s way to my new duty station. I had a camp chair, my iPad, a few minor household items and my dog. I sat in that empty home, watched Cast Away and cried. A home that was so full of love and laughter just a few months before, was now hollow and echo-filled. I peered into the backyard where there was once a trampoline, a sandbox and outdoor furniture. It was empty and dark. My entire life, as I knew it, was over. I no longer had purpose. Then the moment came in Cast Away when Chuck Noland was sitting in his friends house in Memphis after being rescued and he said something that stuck with me: “…I know what I have to do now. I gotta keep breathing. Because tomorrow the sun will rise. Who knows what the tide could bring?” So, I began a process. I began to take entire days, just one breath at a time. I had to tell myself “you aren’t dead. You’re alive. Go do something.” Then the little voice got a little louder. I began running a 5k each day. I arrived to my unit and ran more. Then, two months after that fateful day, that voice picked up a Captain America shield and told me I could no longer feel sorry for myself and that it’s time to turn my feelings to power. I began lifting, running and completely revamped my diet. I am not done. I will never reach a finish line. There will be no medals for winners. But out of pain and anger, something else, something unexpected arose. I am not a Master Fitness Trainer and dietitian for my unit. Yes, it stung like hell being push out of my seat at the family table. Yes, there are times that I am so bitter I can’t talk to her. No, I won’t be forever angry because we created two wonderful children who are healthy and they know they’re loved. She and I still talk. We occasionally will have Skype “drinks” where we have wine and just talk over our iPads. I don’t know if she’ll ever read this, but I hope she will. Kera, I’m sorry.
Angel
Wow, my wife left me 7 months ago. We are now going through custody and divorce battle. She walked out of this marriage without any notice, took my 2 daughters and i never saw them until 4 months later. I could not believe this woman, my own wife did this to me. I have fought and sacrifice for this marriage since day 1. I was always wrong and always took the blame for everything. She decided to leave me because i wasn’t emotionally there for her, but she also wanted me to work hard so she can have more money and live good. There’s only so much one can do. The first months were tough, and i isolated myself in this house. I cried myself to sleep for 3 months. I lost a total of 35lbs. These past 6 months i have seen an extreme growth in my character. I no longer feel anything for this woman when i see her in court or when i pick up my daughters. I just feel pity. I feel anger that she would do this to me. I always showed her i loved her. I always everyday let her know i loved her. I would leave her random notes, bring flowers, surprise her. But she decided to end our 5yr relationship out of nowhere. Still to this point i pray to God she comes back. I would take her back, but that can change, i just hope is not too late when she realizes and actually appreciates me since she never did. I miss you H**** and i will always love you.
Sam
Amazing, you are telling my story.The same sequence of events happened to me. But can you tell me why it should end with ” I miss you R*** and I will always love you” ?? That’s what I am saying also and I want to know why. Is it because somewhere deep inside we feel guilty?
GREG CONDON
She now realizes that sometimes when she thought she was mad at you, she was really mad at herself…
TRANSLATION PSYCHO CRAZY BITCH WHO DESERVES THE FACT THAT THE GRASS IS SO NOT GREENER ON THE OTHER SIDE
Liz
Did u ever stop and think u had a hand in how she felt about herself? From ur response/translation…
MrMacG
I changed most of the diapers and fed most of the bottles. She has a disability. I also loved her completely, at the time she left even more than when we got married. Plenty of dads, divorced or not, play a very important, very active role in raising their children.
Ritchelle
My husband left me for another woman, He is a mamas boy? I live like hell with his mother for 7 years. I just told him i need bounderies from his mother and not living woth her in one house. And he decided to divorced me, he said that his love was gone. I am devastated i couldnt believe that he chose her mom over me nad his two uoung children girls. I LET him know that he is my forever and i knew i want to grow old with him. But his mother told him that she doesnt like me for him. Its better to be with a the same race woman.
Rogers
I’very read so many of these I swear there’should a CD-Rom that these people have got in them programming their actions. They all do everything my ex did to me. Lying g, cheating g, stealing, hooverung, gaslighting…
…so many stories of horrible narcissistic divorces just like mine. Makes it hard to think of getting married ever again for fear of ending up with yet another one. They are everywhere.
Radman
This isn’t a web article of value. Divorced women do not find fault within themselves. They harbor resentment for a lifetime. There are no roses in divorce for anyone involved. Thus the Greek phrase, “Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned”.
Desert Nomad
Divorce, well you can change the hate to compassion and if you sincerely loved the person who you caused harm to or vie versa than that love can be turned into something more meaningful. I was married to a man for 18 years, we both wronged each other, he decided to marry again within this past year and half and divorce me too. So what do I do? I have kids with him, I don’t want to grow old hating anyone, if something was meant for you it won’t miss your target, I walk away learning lessons from those 18 years. Do I have regrets? Not really because everything has a lesson in itself. If you love someone so much surely when you divorce you can turn that into compassion and changing your perspective on how you view the whole thing. I have my days don’t get me wrong, but deep down he was my first and last. 20 years of knowing him taught me to grow and I have valuable lessons to pass some wisdom to my kids one day I hope. Forgiving yourself and your ex is what helps to get through.
JD
After reading the 18 things Woman say about their ex Husbands made me smile a bit.
My situation after 14.1/2 years was my Husband cheated on me 4 yrs ago even though he says it was an emotional cheat which I can’t prove .
Still to this day going through a divorce doesn’t sit with me while .
I thought everything would be better and maybe he will go to counseling with me to make me understand why he did what he did but he told me that it wasn’t worth the Money to do so.
I’m not gonna lie from four years ago to about couple months before from now I just thought things would work out it’s self out but I never really could get over the betrayal and there was just no respect I had no respect for him anymore .
Now going through this divorce I see his true colors very selfish ,the day that the moving trucks came to take my belongings he change the locks change the garage door code and a week after he moved his girlfriend .
As I was reading the 18 things that women say I noticed a lot of that stuff is things that I don’t feel and I’m just so glad that I am age
36 and this had happened now and I can try to find someone who will love me the way I need to be loved and not feel so betrayed and disgusted .
The kicker is he told me that he wanted to leave me before I could leave him because he had anxiety attacks about coming home and me being gone.
Now I realize he was a piece of shit .
Jackie Pilossoph
Ugh. He sounds really confused, immature and cowardly. You are about to get into a good place. Let yourself get there! Don’t focus on the past. Focus on NOW!! xo
Timothy Warnke
Your post ring a bell so true and synchronized exactly to my situation. Just reversed roles mean I am the husband in the wife is doing exactly word for word to what you went through. I have heard the word narcissist many times through my life and I had a general idea of what one was however living with one is a mind-blowing experience and I found at times beyond comprehension. I married a Vietnamese woman three years ago she was already here so was not an immigration issue of any kind. This woman made me a True Believer in karma being I’ve had several women through my life that totally adored me and worship the ground I walked on and I cared for them however I thought I love them and after meeting this woman I realized I didn’t love them that’s why I left. This Evil Woman captured my heart and it’s true that love is blind you do not want to see the truth about someone that you really love. Everything that’s woman said to me was a lie and was about the most stupid things that did not to be lied about. She loved her mother and father and anyone and everyone else for that matter more than she did me I always came dead last. Of course she is a nail technician and a salon Works long hours makes decent money and as a 14 year old daughter and a 19 year old worthless son which neither of them have ever heard the word no and probably would not understand the word if they ever heard it. She feeds them restaurant food and is catered to by her or Grandma and Grandpa I’m an excellent cook and enjoy cooking for my family however my wife knows she can expect dinner when she gets home even though I am a contractor and work long hours myself I enjoy cooking and making sure the family has decent nutrition. This woman has the audacity to eat at work or bring food home to the kids while in the meantime I have dinner waiting for everyone. She had no regards to my efforts. What rattled my world and woke me up was a couple of years ago we were thinking about separating and she told me that I owed her money and I asked her for what do I owe you money for and she said because you have been screwing me now for one year I was like what that really took me back and I could not help but think what did I do marry a prostitute? Anyways I learned that it would be pointless for me to contribute 50% financially to this family when I’m basically not even part of it because she will not allow me to be. She goes to movies by herself or with the kids does not invite me along the one day off Sundays that we both do make sure we have off I am not included whatever she may have planned what she does not tell me. I have never been kicked in the balls this hard in my life and she thinks nothing of it. We are in Glendale Arizona now and just over the last few days I told her no more I’m going back to Bend Oregon where I’m from in this don’t seem to bother her in any type of way he said good get out. This is totally crushing for me I almost don’t know how to leave her because I just want to know why is this how why is she like this. There is so much more that could go on and on what is transpired between us and I do not understand why I am having such a hard time leaving her. I enjoy camping road trips being spontaneous and most of all my wife being my best friend. I am not the type of man that would prefer to hang out with my buddies or go to a bar and shoot pool or be working on the garage on a vehicle I truly enjoy the day off that I do have spending it with my wife and she just will not do this. Her idea of a good time is going to the mall which I understand most women enjoy that and I don’t have a problem with it however I would think we should be able to do something as a family unit once in awhile. I am 52 she is 34 I do not look it and of course she is high maintenance gorgeous little thing with big fake tatas with a tattoo on one of them. After we were married I stumbled onto the fact that she was a member I’m pretty much every dating site known to the human race which I happen to meet her on one of them of course match.com. I get the impression that she likes to have fun for a couple 3 years with a man and gets bored of that and moves on to the next adventure God I wished I knew how to handle this and feel good about it and walk away knowing I tried to do everything humanly possible to salvage this marriage because I do truly love her so very much. Any ideas anyone?
Christo
Timothy, you were groomed 100% . My ex wife parallels all you have said. She too was a babe, big guns, packed up work when the kids came along. Three under tens we had, she starts banging her boss. That fling fails, she grooms her next victim, they marry and 10 years down the line that has failed…the damage these type of narcissist females carry out is beyond belief.
No conscience, no feelings and no soul. Users of men like they were shopping for a car in a showroom.
She is an empty vessel bud, you could talk to her for a hundred years and get nowhere. All you did was enable her lifestyle financially. I took a big hit emotionally when I divorced her over the cheating,but just about got through it.
Just remember these people are like robots, programmed to get what they want…and like the venus fly trap. Once your lured in, it’s over. You are in a better place away from her.
ps, I have dated a woman off match.com ten years ago. She ended it after two years, for no reason tbh. All the time we dated she stayed on the match.com…how wacko was that !
Last year, I was on bumble for a few months…browsing one day and she pops up…I nearly spat my coffee out.Ten years down the line she still ain’t settled. She was a looker as well, no narccisist but clearly did not know what she wanted.
Good luck, I hope the last few years have helped you find some peace.
Brian
Well, I read some crazy stuff here….and some really good stuff too. I liked the comment/question someone wrote; “how many lives are we living, it’s a short journey.” This person was bewildered at the throwing away of our long and admittedly difficult relationships. Someone else said “it’s a decision that should be delayed until… forever,” I really like that one. So my wife dropped the divorce bombshell on me last week…somehow I took it in stride, I’m not the most emotional fellow you’ll ever meet, more cerebral I guess. I had s very matter of fact conversation with her about the logistics of it for the next few days. Now I find myself doing all the things I should’ve done years ago. Saying uplifting things, complimenting, expressing gratitude and appreciation for all that she does. I think I’m trying to save the marriage somehow. Unfortunately I haven’t broken through her wall yet and I imagine it’ll take some time. After all, I’ve neglected her for 14 years of marriage. Another fellow complained about ramen dinners…well, I already have my wife on an $800 a week allowance transferred to her account for bills/groceries/mortgage…..my weekly take home is $890….I’ve done the math…not good. I just hope it’s not to late to win her heart back. I’m trying like hell, and won’t give up.
Joey
I still love my ex wife, but she doesn’t love me. She actually hates me. I would buy her diamonds and other types of rings. I took her and her kids on vacation. I went clothes shopping for the three girls and one boy until she had my son was born. I would buy them new clothes and shoes while I didn’t buy anything for me. I always doing for the kid’s. I would go on field trips with them, take them to the doctors. I would take to different events.
Mickey
So I’m a 53 year old woman divorced now for 5 years.we were married for 25. So I’ve known or thought I new this man for 30 years. In fact in some warped way I still care! 1 1/2 years ago he decided that he would change jobs from being a truck driver to road work for the state.so of course my spousal support went to 700.00 a month from almost around 4000, a month. He moved to his new job and was paying very little support well I ended up getting evicted from my home in another state from him.i had no where to go this is myself, my 23 year old disabled daughter her boyfriend and my 35 year old exaddict son who’s been clean for over a year and working.so my ex husband said we could come here to his house in the middle of bfe. So here we are a year and a half later and we’re still here!!! I feel like the biggest fool of all time. Since I’ve been here he is so angry about life and has told me so many things about gross sexual things that he has done over the last 30 years. I guess I’m in shock maybe. I had no idea!! He was practically living another life.he had several girlfriends all over the country. And did drugs. I’m so stupid I guess because I really thought that this man loved me and only me.hes addicted to porn if that makes a difference. Idk how to get out of his house now. Should it make a difference as to how blind I was for so long.im real confused about alot, any help would be appreciated.
BELINDA
My husband phoned me at work asking for our marriage certificate. I asked why and he said he wanted a divorce – over the phone. Well – it didn’t go well for a long time, but i didn’t want a divorce as we had a job to finish – which was raising our sons and getting them educated. I met him at the lawyer, and tried pulling myself together while he chatted with the WHATS-APP church going !@#$%. I think in the history of divorce proceedings – this was probably the fastest ever. We agreed on who would be doing what, signed withe sheriff of the court on Tuesday, heard that the court roll crashed and I was divorced by Thursday. I acknowledge that I was not a perfect wife, but I missed him a lot when we separated. A year later he committed suicide – never BEING with the woman he left me for in the way he wanted to – and I find that I now resent her for making him so unhappy. What puzzles me is that he came to me on Sunday,- arranged to store his stuff in the garage the next weekend as he finally decided to move on and start fresh away from this woman. The very next day I realized I had to update some of my policies, that evening his mother came to the house, told the children their father passed away and that she is leaving everything in my hands to finalize. What do you do? You can’t say he didn’t want to be my husband in life but you need to be his grieving widow in death. I arranged and paid for his funeral. It is now a year later and I miss him – and I can honestly say that it is not getting better for me. I wish a lot of things at this stage in my life… I don’t know what I am trying to say. But it was good for me having a platform to say that I loved him when I was young – resented him when we were married and miss him so much now that he is dead.
an ex-husband
This is obviously not your fault and you need to forgive yourself and him. Pray every day and allow and trust God to walk you down the right path in life. I am divorced, even though I dont want to be. My love, fell out of love with me and there was nothing i could do about it. Everyone has their pain, and by forgiving and praying we are able to start to heal and move on. Best of luck to you, hope things get better.
Jackie Pilossoph
great advice!
Adrian
Hi All,
I have never told this whole story in its entirety. Every work is absolute truth, i swear on my soul. Many people dont believe, strangers dont believe. Here goes;
Sometimes when people ask me if I am okay, I just want to turn around and say “no, I am not okay, I am arking heart broken and I’m lonely and generally feel like goop.” But I dont. Instead I lie to them. I fake a smile, I fake a laugh, and maybe one day I will end up convincing myself that I am okay. Maybe.
my ex wife has destroyed me. we met in high school when I was 16. She left me when I was 22 and took our daughter away. now I am 42. All my life there has been heart ache and pain.
when I was 22, when my wife and daughter left me, the next day I tried to suicide. I failed. shattered bones in my spine and spent 2yrs in hospital. Surgeons rebuilt it with parts of my ribs. I had to learn to walk again. My wife never visisted. never sent a get well card. But she did goto the Government and forced me into bankrupcy while the doctors were rebuilding my body and pay her childsupport… and all the time i was learning to walk the Govt was taking away 18% of my pension.
When I could just walk again I went back to school. I remember my peers tapping me on the shoulder in class one day and saying “hey bro, there is blood down the back of your shirt”… it was stitches opening from stress. But i bloody passed my exams with distinctions LOL. The whole time in pain. Still to this day my life is pain 24/7 physical and emotional.
All i have now is my career. Nothing else is left. Money and work. Work and money. and study. more study to get promotions to get more money. Still too scared to be touched by a girl LOL Im so screwed in the head
All these years later and i have one more set of exams to do in 2 weeks and I will have reached my all-time life career goals. I am so arking scared cos I have nothing left after this to aspire to. It has taken 20yrs to achieve top level. 200K per annum. ..
funny thing is my clothes are torn and old. I look almost homeless. I dont drive. I only use public transport and walk everywhere. I remember what it used to be like to be whole. all those years ago. A lifetime ago.
I want enough money to quit working and have just enough to go off grid, crawl away and hide from society. live off the land. maybe get a pet. a dog would be nice one day. It would love me. give me a hug
im so sorry
Scott H
If she actually had those thoughts, that would make me happy.
Randy J Potteiger
I don’t really think you have a clue what most women.I think you are merely paroting your own regret and misgiving about ending your marriage.
Dd61999
After running several divorce groups. It seems the majority (not all) of divorces are the same. Women initiate most of the divorces. Most men want to save the marriage. Women are not interested in reconciliation. They enjoy their freedom after separation. Men are heartbroken. But then when they realize there are not a lot of “good guys” available and their ex husbands have moved on, the women become resentful. I also noticed almost every women labels their ex as a narcissist. Even though most of them aren’t. ….while the men are devastated they heal better in the long run because they have a bigger selection of “good women” then women have of “good men”. I see this over and over again in each new Divorcecare class….I hope over time society looks at divorce as harmful and not a better way of life
Jackie Pilossoph
I agree with a lot of what you say. However, how can you say that men heal better because they have a bigger selection of good women? That means that you are saying that women don’t heal because they don’t have a man. Which is basically going against everything I write. Everything. I truly do not beleive happiness after divorce comes from meeting someone else. And if that’s how you equate it, please please reconsider. Happiness after divorce comes from setting up your life the way you want and finding things and people who bring you joy. That can include a job, volunteer work, a hobby, friends, etc. I think it’s wonderful when people find love again (and I do think there are really good men out there who want monogamy and who want to be with a women their own age) but I don’t think happiness depends on that at all. Plus, a lot of these men who rush into another relationship or a marriage end up divorced again or miserable in the relationship. they just never admit it. It just appears that way. I truly don’t think divorce is “harmful” because it completely depends on the situation. If you get divorced to get away from abuse or addiction or cheating or another dealbreaker, how can that be harmful? It can’t.
L
Absolutely Jackie! I would rather be a single mom than to stay married to my ex. I don’t need a man to be happy. And while I agree that there aren’t that many great guys out there that aren’t taken that’s no reason to settle for less. Emotional abuse is soul sucking.
D
O my gosh
I’m so glad I escaped by divorce (his idea)
I shut my eyes and shake my head when I think about how long I put up with his love less words and his internet chasing ways and his poor business running ways. I’m so much happier having my money to save and not spend on drugs and junk.
I tried talking to him about divorce a few times over the years. He would beg cry threaten to kill himself. I finally had the chance to go when he fell in love and wanted the women to know he was serious for her.
I ran like hell and didn’t even take a extra outfit 😂
It’s been about 7 years now. I changed my whole life for the better.
No I don’t want to go back
No I don’t miss him
No I’m not jealous of his girlfriends
Truthfully now it’s just something that I don’t or can’t think about. It hurts my stomach when I think of all the crap I put up with.
I left virtually penny less scared and couldn’t fathom him wanting me out of our house.
What I have now I consider a miracle a blessing or a karmic fate sort of thing. I’m so much happier and have even changed jobs for a big pay increase. I got to keep my 401 money from my 18 year job. I’m happy with my new life 100%. Y self esteem is so high at the moment that I keep telling myself to keep working and keep my head down. Why be
I’m winning and everything is going my way. I don’t want to act cocky to anyone and risk losing everything. It’s good to be me …in my early 50”s with a good shot at retirement in the next 5 years and a person who wants to be home and enjoy and share everything with me. I gained so much confidence in myself in the process. I want to tell women that if they’re stuck with a man who’s not living up to your dreams. Get a job and save for your future. When you have a chance to leave….run
Chris
I want to tell women that if they’re stuck with a man who’s not living up to your dreams…..
What a disgusting thing to write.
You married a man to enable your dreams….pass the sick bucket.
Billybob
Sorry this is long as this is the first time I have spoken of this, There is hope.
I was married for 19 years when it all came down. Her reasons were the standard fare of we grew apart etc. I knew this to be true but I loved my wife dearly, never unfaithful and although I may have not been a great husband I provided well for my family, my kids never wanted for anything nor did she. I financed her every endeavor and business she started, gave her a very nice home, new car for her, family trips, always helped her needy family. I was a great dad and I was first at the kids sporting events, helping with the Scouts etc. She was never there for any of that and the kids knew it! I guess I wasn’t enough for her but I didn’t want it to end! She moved out leaving me and the kids and it broke my heart but the kids needed me so I never let them see me sad. To my surprise I found out she was seeing someone else and I decided not to try and fix our marriage when she wasn’t interested. I filed for divorce and the day she was served (it was at her business and embarrassed her). she served me with a vicious attack! ” I dare you!” she ranted! I let her go on for five minutes and she ran out of curse words so it was my turn! (very business like) I told her she needed an attorney and If interested the kids were fine and that if she ever decided to call or visit them get her lawyer to contact mine as she could see or talk to them as much as she wanted. They would set that up for her as this would be our last contact accept through our lawyers. The divorce was final 10 months later. We never heard from her. During the wait for the divorce (I was a US Customs agent and worked at our international airport) I met a beautiful young flight attendant (Mia). Our small talk Iead me to invite her to have dinner with me whenever she flew in. Nothing romantic we just enjoyed each others company. Something my ex was never interested in. When the divorce was final Mia and I spent more time together going to the beach, I taught her how to surf, swim and fish. Soon I realized just how bad my marriage had been and that my life could change! It did when we fell in love and married six months later. (my kids were always included and they loved her and now had the mother that they always wanted)! My ex Jenny found out I had remarried and she waited for me at the parking lot at my office at the airport one afternoon and all hell broke loose! When security showed up she calmed down and I told her sincerely and calm “You know I would have done anything to save our marriage” but you made it very clear by your actions our marriage and family was finished. You just walked away without a care! I have to thank you and added you enabled me to be happy and the kids happy and I can’t help that you are not. she answered by asking me why I couldn’t wait for her to clear her mind! She just needed time! That if I loved her I should have waited for her! that she loved only me. I had never confronted her about her cheating but I did then and told her if not for that I may have waited for her. She broke down trying to hold on to me but I pushed her away! Now we were drawing a crowd so security escorted her out of the area. It hurt me to the core watching her walk away, it would be the last time, I loved this women and took care of her for 19 years though hard times and sickness I was there by her side and even after all she had put me and the kids though It made me feel so very sorry for her! It also made me realize I that I would always care for that women I loved and married but not what she became. I have regrets and maybe she does to as to what happened to us. I sat in my car for awhile then went home to my wonderful loving new wife and kids and took them all out to Dave and busters (my kids favorite) and related what happened to Mia. She listen, squeezed my hand. I was very happy with my new partner in life and all the sadness that once was is now behind me. I never really understood Jenny’s actions that day especially when I found out later that when she left me she had moved in with her much older boyfriend and was still with him. We all have regrets but I am proud of moving on and finding love and happiness. I still think of the early days but they have been replaced with here and now.
lari
This is not at all how I felt. I don’t miss him one bit. I miss companionship, someone to share life with, but definitely not him. He was emotionally abusive and lazy. Being a single parent has not been near as hard as I had heard it would be. I worked hard before, but having someone leach off of my hard work was taxing. I’ve learned how enabling I was and I will be more cautious going forward with any other relationship. Being apart has only made it more clear how selfish he is, how he doesn’t want to make the effort required when it comes to our children. And I certainly don’t think he’s a great dad. Child support check… yeah right. He took half my retirement. My only regret is that I didn’t leave sooner and it saddens me that he still thinks he was a good spouse. No acknowledgement of the pain, lies, and disrespect he dumped on me for 18 years even when I begged for change and to stop going out drinking all the time.
Jay
This probably won’t get published; I am writing this for me and on the off chance it does, the men who need this. The fact that this website is called “divorced girl smiling” is part of the problem. Go ahead and google “pain for men after divorce”, how to overcome anger from your exwife”, “ how can men move on after she took everything”, etc. What you will find are sites like this, at best. You will be redirected to countless articles and sites like “divorced GIRL smiling” and “you go gurl, you got this!” support groups. Which is why I am so viscerally responding to this. Again, so men can see that we are out here, we do feel the same and they are not alone, and to call on the floor these “smiling” ex wives and what I think of their “what if.”
1.My new look? You think I’m copying someone and then in response claim I am not who you think I am? Further proof of your self deluded narcissist behavior. I look how I want to look.
2. Tough. I do not. I am not in MY bed anymore. I had to find a new bed and a house to put it in. You miss the comfort I provided? Tough. I hope you’re cold and alone.
3. I didn’t, and I won’t ever again. Not because you were so great but you forced me to see the real world and female nature again and I will not be manipulated with some dying asset again. You? You were introducing him to the kids while I was still unpacking.
4. This didn’t happen to me and yet same result; divorce. Notice though, that the complaint isn’t that you told yer to quit but that you agreed to her quitting for the benefit of the children. Shame on you for agreeing with her, or not; just shame.
5. Really? It must be hard to understand as your sitting in the house with the car, the kids, the dog, a steady stream of income a cell phone full of “friends” and neighbors…
6. So now that it’s another guy (or 40) you get it! You should tell me that. That you never cared for sex with me but have no problem giving it out like Halloween candy to every pot head loser and cool guy from work! The ask yourself again about my unending anger.
7. I don’t care, likewise
8. So again, you finally decide to care for a home instead of complain about my not doing more. Wanna tell me about it?
9. Talk about feminist, made-up, cliche babys#!t! I did. All of them. You saw me as “not manly” enough for caring for the children
10. See #9
11. The one thing on this list that shows any hope of being a rational, human response to the intentional destruction of another person. This is also the least likely to ever be uttered and I’ll guarantee, the one on the list that women disagree with the most.
12. I am not. You are cheating on him too. You just happen to choose (before we were divorced) someone whom I already hated with as much intensity as I hate you now.
13. Likewise. Only mine were fair and following the law. Yours were helping you cheat and lie; along with the neighbors and “friends.” You really want to hate mine? I paid a third of what you did. Guess it pays not to be vain about where your divorce lawyer practices.
14. That is a lie and the second most likely to be disagreed with, i’m sure. No woman had this compassion in her before her divorce and so even if she claims to now, it isn’t real. It’s more likely a manipulation attempt to extract more resources or give her a temporary emotional high.
15. Wow. I can’t even. You can’t figure out why I don’t like handing over my money to you, at the enforcement of government with the threat of prison and you equate that to me wanting to use my money on happiness for me? Really?! If a guy makes it out of divorce court with enough to establish some sort of life for himself, you want to know why he isn’t happy about being forced to keep giving to you instead? Narcissist.
16. I am. That used to be enough for a family, but you wanted to go find out if other guys liked sex…
17. Narcissist. Tell that to your attorneys, neighbors and “friends.”
18. No I don’t, I used to be a funny guy people liked to be around. You killed him. I haven’t made anyone laugh since you took my life, laughing about it.