Thanksgiving is a holiday that screams family, food, fun, and NOT being or feeling alone. But the reality is, some people will spend Thanksgiving alone. That might be because you are going through a divorce (or divorced) and you ex has the kids and your family lives out of town. That might be because you choose to be alone. Or, maybe you got invited to a friend’s house but you just don’t feel like going. Whatever the reason, you are alone on Thanksgiving this year. And guess what? That is perfectly fine and you are going to shift your mindset and you are going to have a nice day! Let me explain.
Feeling alone, especially on a holiday can feel stressful. why? Because being alone on Thanksgiving can make you feel like there’s something wrong with you, like no one cares about you, like you are all alone in the world, and like you are a loser.
What I want to say is: none of these things are true!
If you are alone on Thanksgiving this year, here are some things to think about:
1. Forget the pressure of Thanksgiving and just enjoy your day.
Think of it this way: you don’t have to work! No one’s working and emails aren’t flooding in. It’s kind of peaceful, isn’t it? You are free to do whatever you want! Do something you love. Take a hot bath, cook for yourself, watch a movie you love. Clean out a closet. Read a book by the fireplace with a glass of wine or a cup of tea.
Work out. Bake cookies. Write in your journal. Look at old photo albums. Every day is and should be treated like a gift. Take advantage of it. Your kids will be back before you know it and you will have enjoyed your peace and quiet. I promise. I have lived this many Thanksgivings. The key is planning ahead. In other words, if you are going to cook, buy the ingredients beforehand so it’s planned. Also, see who else is spending Thanksgiving alone. Make plans with another single person who doesn’t have her kids.
2. Keep things in perspective.
Think about the life you have. Don’t focus on what happened, things you wish you had and what you wish could be. Concentrate on your health, your children, and the life you want moving forward. Remember that next year on Thanksgiving, your life will most likely be very different, especially if you want it to be.
3. Ask yourself why you feel alone.
Do you need support? Do you need to get help? The best thing you can do for yourself if you feel constantly lonely is to do something about it. You owe it to yourself to get help if you think you need it. You deserve to be happy. Take care of yourself emotionally, the same way you would if you had a horrible cold. If that means seeing a therapist, getting on medication (there is no shame in that by the way), or hiring a divorce coach, love yourself enough to help yourself.
4. Love yourself.
Perhaps this is most important in getting through being alone on Thanksgiving. When you have self-love, you love yourself enough to spend the day with yourself. Does that make sense? Self-love gives you confidence and strength and grace to spend a day completely alone, or to spend it with a group of people and without a spouse (even if they are all married), and find enjoyment and gratitude from it.
In closing, remember this about being alone on Thanksgiving…
There is nothing nothing nothing wrong with spending time alone. Whether it’s just a Sunday or a major holiday that comes with external pressure to be with family and have fun.
I have spent a couple Thanksgivings and quite a few Christmas’s alone, making vegetable soup and watching TV. Surprisingly, I ended up enjoying it because I had a good attitude about it. Yes, it’s hard and I don’t blame you for feeling sad, angry, bitter, hurt or other emotions. It’s understandable and normal.
Try to take a deep breath and appreciate the day–whatever it turns out to be. Also, remember that if you have family and friends who love and care for you (and you love and care for them), no matter if you are physically with them or not, you are never alone.
Like this article? Check out, “Being Alone after Divorce: Why it’s OK and Tips on How to Enjoy It”
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Deborah Kirby
Thank you for this. My 9-year-old daughter is about to go to another continent for Christmas with her dad. I live on a different continent again from my family. So this Christmas will be far from all my family. Anticipating the departure of my daughter is dreadful, and I feel like a tense ball of wire is in my heart. Your blog helped.