In my Love Essentially column, published two days ago in Chicago Tribune Media Group papers, I give dating, marriage and divorce advice that could lead to a better love life in 2015, if you’re willing to make these New Year’s resolutions.
Try These New Year’s Love Resolutions by Jackie Pilossoph
Typical New Year’s resolutions: Lose 10 pounds, quit smoking, get a new job and stop screaming at the kids. Sound familiar?
While all of these are great commitments and a good way to start off the New Year, let’s address your love life.
Whatever your relationship status happens to be — single, married, divorced or widowed, here are some New Year’s love resolutions you could make that might end up giving you a better, happier love life!
Single?
1. Learn how to enjoy being alone. Spending time by yourself reading, relaxing or engaging in a hobby you love can be wonderful if you embrace it and get comfortable with it. Not only will you be a happier person, but the minute you stop caring that you don’t have a serious boyfriend or girlfriend, and just appreciate the peacefulness of being alone, you will meet someone. It almost never fails.
2. Be more open-minded and less judgmental when someone asks you out or tries to set you up on a blind date. Remember, no date is ever a waste of time, and something good can come from every person you meet if you are willing to see things that way. Not to mention, you have zero chance of meeting anyone if you are sitting home alone on your couch.
Married?
1. Date your spouse. Plan a romantic dinner date, meet for lunch during the day, or even have breakfast in bed while the kids are still sleeping. Quality couple’s time is key in keeping romance and good sex in a long-term relationship.
2. Remember that small gestures, little gifts and acts of kindness go a long way. Something as simple as offering to do the dishes, giving him a nice card, or opening a bottle of wine after the kids go to bed could cause your spouse to reciprocate the acts, look at you differently, and want more dates and more sex. Why? Because people fall in love and stay in love with people who are nice to them, and who show them appreciation, which is what these little things are all about.
Divorced?
- Take the high road with your ex. Ok, so he or she tore your heart out of your chest. I get it. But enough already! No more victim mentality. Time to get tough, quit the self-pity, and let things go with him or her. You don’t have to be best buddies, but make things peaceful, not just for the benefit of your kids but for YOU, as well. Peace and inner-peace are healthy for self-esteem, self-love and happiness.
- Finding love and a healthy romantic relationship after divorce isn’t easy. It’s very scary to think about trusting someone again, not to mention getting naked with someone new. Additionally, the thought of another potentially broken heart is most likely nauseating. I can tell you that firsthand. But, at some point, it’s time to put down your baggage and give love another shot. Learn from your mistakes, realize that you’re probably a little wiser, and remember that your heart is and will always be young. Opening it takes the right person, but it also requires a mindset that is willing to take another risk. Heed my advice and get there, because when you fall in love again, you’ll thank me!
Widowed?
This is something I don’t have personal experience with, so I can’t even imagine how difficult it must be to be a widow or widower. I can say this. If I died, I would most definitely want my boyfriend of six years to find love again. So, I have to believe most people feel that way. It takes courage to dip your toe into the dating scene after having experienced such a tremendous loss, but you deserve to be happy again, to have companionship, and to fall deeply in love once more.
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Chris
Widower, so I skimmed down to your last paragraph. I don’t think “deserve” is a useful concept. I deserve a woman with as warm a smile and as pretty as my late wife. She and I settled, not for abuse or drug use or anything, but we each settled for someone who had … quirks.
I don’t run into divorcees my age nowadays who are willing to settle; the status quo (work, dogs, house, kids) is too attractive unless the guy is dazzling.