GHOSTING. If you’re online dating, you’ve heard of — and shuddered at — that term. And if you’ve online dated for longer than a couple of months, you’ve inevitably experienced it, too. It’s easy to feel depressed after being ghosted. Maybe you feel sad that someone would do something so mean. Maybe the ghosting is taking a toll on your self-esteem. Or maybe you just feel tired-exhausted, actually, about getting your hopes up only to have them come crashing down.
As a dating coach, I wanted to give you a quick hits list about ghosting: what it actually is, what it actually means, and what you can actually do to guard your heart if in fact, you are depressed after being ghosted.
Here are the 12 most important things to know about ghosting:
1) Ghosting is not merely not hearing back from someone for a day or two. Ghosting is when someone drops off the face of the earth.
2) Ghosting (unfortunately) happens to literally everyone who uses dating apps.
3) Your age, gender, and sexual orientation do not have anything to do with your likelihood of being ghosted.
4) It’s easy to wonder, “What did I say? Did I do something wrong?” You didn’t!
5) Ghosting has nothing to do with you, and EVERYTHING to do with the other person. If they can’t bring themselves to bother to inform you of why they don’t want to carry on a conversation or a relationship, then they are immature and avoidant. These are not qualities you want in a partner.
6) No matter how great they seemed, you do not want to date them if they’re willing to ghost.
7) If you think you’re being ghosted, it’s okay to send one gentle follow-up. If they still don’t respond, yuck, move on!
8) A follow-up can read like this: “Hey there, checking in to see if you wanted to go out again! Totally fine if you’re too busy or not interested. Let me know either way.”
9) Take the high road. It can be tempting to chew someone out for ghosting you. You’ll feel better in the long run if you shake it off.
10) Don’t let the fear of being ghosted deter you from online dating.
11) You’re human — ghosting can make you feel really bad about yourself. Try not to let it. Write a list of things that you bring to a date and to a relationship. Physically write it down! Refer back to the list when someone has ghosted you to remind yourself that it’s entirely their loss!
12) Commit to not ghosting!!
#12 is the absolute most important one on this list. Break the ghosting cycle! You want to be the kind of dater who is communicative, upfront, and truthful. If you’re not interested in someone, all it takes is 30 seconds to draft and send a kind text letting them know.
People who receive that will appreciate how good it feels to have clarity and closure, and will remember that the next time they need to let someone down. By committing to not ghosting people yourself, you’re sending out a ripple effect that will help create a respectful dating landscape for everyone.
Alyssa Dineen has been an editor, stylist, and art director in New York for over 20 years. After she divorced at age 41, she began online dating, and rediscovered herself in the process. Through this journey, she found many people out there that could improve their dating profiles and while doing so, their understanding of what they want. Founder of Style My Profile, Alyssa now helps online daters transform their destinies by taking charge of their profiles and their dating experience with her unique approach of “intentional” dating and self-discovery.
An acclaimed stylist and dating expert, Alyssa has appeared in The New York Times, Today Show, Goop, and NBC.com. You can work with her one-on-one, and she also offers workshops and a membership to be part of the Style My Profile Community. You can find out more at stylemyprofilenyc.com
Like this article? Check out, “What is Love Bombing?”
Share
Leave a Reply