Your divorce isn’t even final yet, and he has a new girlfriend already. Here she is, all smiles, happy and glowing. Her hair is perfect. Her nails are always done, even her toenails look good. This girl has prepped to the hilt. She’s still in that new relationship phase when she’s got to look perfect for her new boyfriend.
But the biggest thing is, she’s got that look on her face. You know the one. It’s the look of being completely infatuated and in love, and the reason you know it so well is that you once had this look. And now, she has it!
She gazes at him when he speaks. He can say nothing that isn’t brilliant. She giggles every time he makes a joke, even if it isn’t funny. And the worst one, he looks at her the exact same way.It doesn’t matter if your ex wanted the divorce or you were the one who broke up. In either scenario, meeting the new girlfriend is brutal. I know because I experienced it.
Here are some do’s and don’ts that might make things easier when you come face to face with your old guy’s new girlfriend.
Can you believe he has a new girlfriend already??
Believe it. It’s not uncommon, and you can handle it! Here’s how.
1. Don’t be rude.
Actually, be really, really nice. There are several reasons I feel this way. First of all, if you have kids, they will appreciate this and it will make them so happy that everyone is getting along. Other reasons you should be more than polite: it will not only make everyone have respect for you, but you will have respect for yourself. You’ll feel great, trust me. Walk right up to her and shake her hand. Even if it’s difficult, do it. You can’t lose.
2. Do remember that even if she wasn’t in the picture, you and your guy would not be together, so there’s no reason to be bitter or jealous.
And, if he broke up with you for her, just keep telling yourself that your kids need to come first and that you are being selfless by being kind. You are also being classy and gracious and I promise in the future, things will change. You will be happy again. You won’t always feel this angry about her.
3. Don’t be overly nice and/or fake to the point of being obnoxious.
I was once dating someone and met his ex wife. She was so over-the-top energetic meeting me that it was uncomfortable. It seemed really non-genuine. Be really sweet, but keep your distance a little bit. Everyone knows you’re not going to be best friends with her.
4. Don’t compare yourself with her physically or otherwise.
She might be really pretty. She might have an impressive career. She might have a killer body. She might be 10 years younger than you. Who cares? Try to focus on the things you like about yourself and things you are proud of. Just like yourself.
5. Do remember that the things about him that bugged the crap out of you will surely start to bug her if they don’t already.
Hopefully he has learned from mistakes he made in the relationship with you, but generally, he isn’t going to be a different person with her. He’s going to be him. Whether she can take it for the long haul remains to be seen. You couldn’t. Maybe she can. But, it doesn’t matter. Focus on yourself, your own life, and your own love life.
Like this article? Check out, “My Ex is in love with someone else now. How to cope.”
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Bryn
Very nice comments. I agree!
Ann Flood
Love #1 and #4! Remember: new relationships are always so great because they haven’t started paying bills together, sharing a bathroom, raising kids, splitting housework, and on and on and on.
Courtney
this really helped. i cried and laughed while I read it. oh yeah #myimmortal was playing in the background
Ghazaleh
Just found out my ex is dating someone and it really hurt. My first instinct was to be mean but I realized I would only be making myself look like the bitter ex wife. I read your article at the perfect time 🙂
tmama
Such a good list. I needed this!
Deborah
I love this post. I see my ex from time to time at work, and today he asked for a “chat”. One item was to tell me about his latest serious girlfriend, who I also see occasionally. Now, during lunch hour, I snatch a bit of your blog to help me deal with the news. Thank you. I always feel better after reading it. And this post I love.
Jackie Pilossoph
Aww, thanks! Don’t worry about THEM. Focus on YOU!!
Brenda
Don’t refer to a woman as “a dog”. That is really inappropriate.
tracy
My ex-husband was dating someone towards the end of our 20 year marriage. After getting divorced, he waited about 6 months and told our kids (15 and 17). Unfortunately, my kids had already seen him on his phone with her, sharing kiss emojis, during our marriage. The aspect the cheater doesn’t take into account is how bad they look in their kid’s eyes. The kids will never look at him the same way and have refused to meet his girlfriend. And they’ve asked that he not even talk about her. Because he’s selfish and lacking empathy, he made it all about himself and nothing about our two boys. Their relationship is very broken because of his choices. Something to consider if you’re the cheater or if you’re thinking of hopping right into the dating game too soon after divorce. The kids are watching and it does affect them.