“You’re just too sensitive.” For millions of women, this phrase echoes through childhood memories, relationship conflicts, and workplace challenges. What many don’t realize is that high sensitivity isn’t a weakness to overcome or a critique of your personal strength—it’s a biological trait that describes approximately 20% of the population. In this article, I will address the highly sensitive person: symptoms and strengths.
The Science Behind the Highly Sensitive Person
In the mid-1990s, psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron revolutionized our understanding of sensitivity with her groundbreaking research on what she termed “Highly Sensitive Persons” (HSPs). Far from being an emotional weakness, high sensitivity is a temperament trait with evidence suggesting both genetic and environmental influences.
Research has shown that the highly sensitive person processes information differently. Studies have found increased activity in regions related to attention, empathy, and awareness, particularly in the areas associated with emotional processing. These differences suggest HSPs process sensory information more thoroughly than non-HSPs. Another term often used for High sensitivity is Sensory Processing Sensitivity.
Dr. Aron developed the DOES framework to explain the four key characteristics of high sensitivity:
– Depth of Processing: HSPs process information more thoroughly
– Overstimulation: HSPs are more easily overwhelmed by sensory input
– Emotional Responsiveness: HSPs experience emotions more intensely
– Sensitivity to Subtleties: HSPs notice details others miss
For sensitive women, these traits create both extraordinary gifts and unique challenges.
Inside the Mind of a Highly Sensitive Woman
“He’s so stressed about work, and now I’m completely stressed too. I’ve taken it all on.”
“I know everyone else has forgotten what she said, but I keep replaying it over and over.”
“My lawyer says it’s a standard request, but every email from his attorney feels like an attack. I’ll be anxious about this all weekend.”
“Everyone keeps saying to stay detached during negotiations, but how? I can feel my whole body shaking whenever we discuss the division of assets.”
“I’m still recovering from our court appearance three days ago while everyone else has moved on. Why does it take me so long to reset?”
These thoughts represent the everyday reality for highly sensitive women navigating divorce. Their brains are constantly processing nuance, emotion, and subtlety at levels others may not comprehend.
Yet, despite the depth of their internal experiences, sensitive women often grow up hearing messages that invalidate their natural way of being:
“Don’t be so dramatic.”
“You need to toughen up.”
“Why do you make everything so complicated?”
“You’re overthinking again.”
These messages follow many sensitive women into adulthood, where they often partner with people who echo these familiar refrains. The sensitive woman finds herself once again trying to dial down her needs to accommodate others’ comfort levels.
Common Misconceptions About Sensitive Women
**Myth: All highly sensitive women are introverts.**
Reality: While many HSPs are introverted, approximately 30% are extroverts. These “high sensation-seeking HSPs” may appear contradictory—they crave social connection and adventure while simultaneously needing time to process and recover from stimulation.
**Myth: Sensitive women are too emotional and fragile.**
Reality: Sensitive women aren’t “too” emotional—they experience emotions with appropriate intensity given their neurological wiring. Many develop extraordinary resilience precisely because they’ve navigated a world that overwhelms them daily.
**Myth: Sensitive women aren’t fun or spontaneous.**
Reality: Many sensitive women have rich, vibrant inner worlds and experience joy, creativity, and playfulness profoundly. They may need more time to transition between activities or require more information before embarking on spontaneous adventures, but this reflectiveness often leads to deeper, more meaningful experiences.
**Myth: Sensitivity is something to overcome.**
Reality: Sensitivity is a neurological trait like eye color—not something to “fix.” When sensitive women work with their sensitivity rather than against it, they access extraordinary depths of empathy, creativity, and insight.
The Relationship Challenge
For a highly sensitive person, navigating relationships, especially divorce or major breakups, the challenges can be particularly acute. Their depth of feeling leads to profound experiences of both love and loss. They may struggle to articulate the complexity of their emotions or find themselves overwhelmed by the intensity of conflict.
Many sensitive women report feeling misunderstood by partners who view their perceptiveness as “creating problems” or their need for processing time as “overthinking.” In the aftermath of relationship loss, sensitive women often face not just grief over the relationship itself, but also the deeper pain of fearing that the connected relationship they dream of doesn’t exist or that they are simply too emotional to be in a healthy relationship.
Finding Strength in Sensitivity
The path forward for highly sensitive women isn’t about becoming less sensitive—it’s about recognizing sensitivity as a powerful strength. When sensitive women learn to honor their natural traits rather than apologize for them, they access extraordinary gifts:
– Profound empathy and intuitive understanding of others
– Deep appreciation for beauty, art, and subtle experiences
– Creative thinking and ability to see connections others miss
– Exceptional conscientiousness and attention to detail
– Powerful emotional intelligence
These qualities make sensitive women exceptional partners, leaders, creators, and friends—when they’re in environments that honor rather than diminish or disavow their natural traits.
Tribe Rising: A Community for Sensitive Women
Recognizing the unique needs of sensitive women navigating relationship transitions, I created Tribe Rising—a multi-tiered membership community specifically designed for deeply feeling women.
Tribe Rising provides what sensitive women navigating relationship transitions desperately need: a space where their perceptiveness is valued rather than dismissed as ‘overthinking,’ where their emotional depth is honored rather than labeled as ‘too dramatic,’ and where their experiences are witnessed without judgment. For women who have spent years being told to ‘toughen up’ or who have struggled to articulate their complex emotions during divorce, this validation alone can be transformative.
Unlike traditional support groups that may unintentionally reinforce the “too sensitive” narrative, Tribe Rising approaches sensitivity as a strength to be harnessed rather than a weakness to overcome. Members learn to use their natural depth of processing to access authentic desires, set meaningful boundaries, and create relationships that feed their souls.
Tribe Rising offers multiple tiers to meet various needs and budgets, from free community connection to intensive coaching. Each level provides sensitive women with tools for emotional regulation, self-understanding, and relationship navigation—all through the lens of honoring sensitivity.
Perhaps most importantly, Tribe Rising creates a sanctuary where sensitive women are truly seen and understood. As Dr. Gabor Maté teaches, healing happens when we’re witnessed in our pain—when we feel safe, held, and accompanied. For sensitive women who have often felt “too much” for the world around them, this experience of being fully received without judgment is profoundly transformative.
Embracing Your Sensitive Nature
If you’re a highly sensitive woman, know this: Your sensitivity isn’t a flaw to overcome—it’s a gift to cultivate. In a world that often values speed over depth and volume over nuance, your natural way of being offers something precious and wildly needed.
The path forward isn’t about becoming less sensitive. It’s about:
– Recognizing sensitivity as a biological trait, not a personal failing
– Creating environments that support rather than overwhelm your system
– Setting boundaries that honor your sensitivity
– Finding your community of deep-feelers and building your sisterhood
– Leveraging your sensitivity as a pathway to authentic living
When sensitive women learn to work with their natural traits rather than against them, they access extraordinary depths of wisdom, creativity, and connection—not despite their sensitivity, but because of it.
Your sensitivity isn’t too much. It’s just right for who you are meant to be.
