Hiring Tips In Choosing a Divorce Attorney

When starting the divorce process, the first thing people typically do is meet with a divorce attorney or two or three. They then hire one. But how do you know you hired the right person? How do you know that you are choosing for the right reasons? Maybe you listened to your gut, which is always a good start, but there is so much more to think about. In this article, we want to offer you some hiring tips for all the professionals you might need.

Since they’ve usually never been through a divorce (or if it’s a second divorce, a lot has changed), most people do not realize the importance of hiring other divorce professionals—in addition to your divorce attorney, to ensure three things:

the divorce goes as smoothly as possible
you get a divorce outcome that works for you and your children and your spouse
you and your ex can have a healthy co-parenting relationship.

The other divorce professionals we are talking about can include: a divorce mediator, a divorce coach, a mortgage lender, a financial advisor and a real estate agent. These individuals can work with your attorney not only with the goal of meeting the above three objectives, but to be more efficient in your divorce and to save you money. Many of these professionals can be neutral in the process which helps you focus on the best overall outcome for the two of you.

Here are some hiring tips for each divorce professional you might be considering:

Divorce attorney:

1. Make sure you ask the attorney what percentage of family law he/she practices. We have both heard stories where someone is trying to save money, so he/she hires their friend who is a real estate attorney, who rarely takes on divorce cases and is only doing it as a favor to you. The attorney might not know Illinois law and may guide you down the wrong path in negotiating a settlement. The lack of experience can be detrimental to your case. It can also create ill will with your spouse which might delay the process.

2. Beware of the attorney who tells you during the consult that you have a great case, and you are going to get everything you want in the divorce. Remember, they are “selling” themselves to you. They want the job. A good, ethical attorney views the consultation as a meeting to determine if the case is a good fit for both you and him/her. Brian always tells his clients that if your spouse had a consult with the same attorney, the advice might be totally opposite what you are being told.

3. Beware of the attorney who predicts what will happen in court and how a judge will rule. While the person might be experienced (and right), there are never any guarantees with decisions judges make. The judge may have had a bad day or for some reason just does take your side on an issue and you never really find out why.

4. This hiring tip is crucial: the potential attorney should be doing a lot more listening than talking. Every case is unique and the attorney needs to be focused on your goals in the process.

5. Make sure the attorney has a goal to empower you, to keep you in the loop, and to tell you all your options versus saying “I’ll take care of it.” While that’s nice to hear, it’s not good for your divorce. The attorney should always return a telephone call within a day or tell you when they will be available to speak to you.

Divorce mediator:

1. Ask the mediator how many mediations they do a year, and if they can provide you with testimonials from past clients. Or, look up their testimonials online (including on Divorced Girl Smiling!) Ask when they were not successful in mediation and why.

2. A good mediator won’t tell you what to do or give you his/her opinion, but instead will explain all your options so that you can make an informed decision.

3. Mediation can be complicated. Make sure your mediator has empathy to understand that there is a lot of emotion going on in the room, and that dialogue can sometimes get heated because of hurt, pain, anger and resentment. A good mediator knows how to validate feelings but keep emotions out of the process, and then bring the meeting back to business.

Divorce coach:

1. The job of a divorce coach is to listen, not to tell you what you SHOULD do. The divorce coach’s job is to reframe, restate and help you understand what the attorneys and your spouse are saying.
2. A good divorce coach will ask you questions and give you homework to do that will result in you uncovering your goals and what you want your post-divorce life to look like.
3. What separates a good divorce coach from a great divorce coach? Dedication and passion for helping you. It’s pretty easy to uncover even during your first conversation with the coach.

Mortgage lender:

1. Hire a Certified Divorce Lending Professional (CDLP). A CDLP is a mortgage lender who has a special certification in working with people going through a divorce. The CDLP can talk with your divorce attorney to determine your best options. That could mean: selling your home and buying a new home, staying in your home, or selling the home and renting for some time. You may want to keep the house for a short time if that would be best for stability for the children or you during and after the divorce.
2. Make sure the mortgage lender is trustworthy—not just trying to push you toward a loan that is not in your best interest, or a loan that has a higher interest rate.
3. Hiring tip: a mortgage lender needs to be a really, really good listener. He/she needs to be asking you lots of questions versus talking numbers too soon.

Financial advisor:

1. Hire a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst (CDFA) if possible. This certification is pursued by financial advisors who have a special interest in helping those during and after divorce.

2. Discuss your financial philosophy with the advisor and make sure the person is respectful of it. The advisor should never try to push you into any investments that make you uncomfortable.

3. Hiring tip: Make sure your financial advisor is responsive and willing to talk to you about any financial questions you might have at any time—even if there’s nothing in it to benefit the advisor.

4. Make sure your financial advisor offers you the opportunity to receive a full financial plan. Having a plan is crucial in financial stability, and having peace of mind, knowing your investments fit your goals. Some financial planners will also help you budget so you know you will have enough money after the divorce for your needs.

Real estate agent:

1. Hire a Certified Divorce Real Estate Expert (CDRE) if possible. The agents who take the time to get this certification are passionate about helping people during and after divorce.

2. Beware of an agent who seems to really want to make a sale and suggests lowering the price of your home too soon. Also, make sure the agent you hire is going to be the agent who is doing your showings, marketing it for you and advising you through the process. You don’t want to hire someone who is going to delegate the responsibilities to his/her assistant.

In closing, the best hiring tip for divorce professionals is to make sure the person comes highly recommended by other divorce professionals and/or their former clients. Divorce is a BIG change, and it’s a process that sets the tone for shaping the rest of your life, emotionally, as a parent, and financially. We are here if you need our help. Jackie offers a free consult to discuss the types of divorce professionals you might need to hire and to make recommendations. Brian is a divorce mediator, who can not only help you get divorced via mediation, but who can recommend other divorce professionals, as well.