As we all know, dealing with an ex is no piece of cake. Things are constantly changing in both yours and your ex’s life, and issues come up. Maybe a new job or los of a job, maybe something going on with your kids, maybe a new romance in either yours or his life. These things, combined with the resentment that let’s be honest, will most likely always be there between the two of you can make coparenting and getting along difficult. So, want to know how to make divorce easier?
During those times when all you want to do is scream and yell, engage in bitter name calling or use a certain finger to show your ex how you really feel, there’s something you can do to make divorce easier: take the high road.
The high road is the quickest route to an easier life, to healing, and to being a happier, healthier person.
How to make divorce easier: Here are 15 high road moves:
1. Switch visitation nights if your ex needs to.
Don’t give him or her a hard time about it, especially if it makes no difference to you.
2. Say a friendly hello in the driveway when he or she comes to get the kids.
Maybe even ask about his or her job. Everyone likes to feel like someone cares. Also, your kids are watching and it kills them when they see you two at odds. On the other hand, they feel wonderful when they see the two of you being polite to each other.
3. Introduce yourself to his girlfriend (or her boyfriend), by walking up and shaking his or her hand with a smile.
4. Tell your children the good qualities of your ex from time to time.
That’s like telling them the good qualities of themselves! It’s so healthy for them to know that the two of you were once in love. It gives them stability and confidence.
5. If someone tells you they saw your ex out on a date, do not roll your eyes or react negatively.
Instead, smile and say, “That’s nice” and mean it! That’s like saying “I don’t care. I’ve moved on.”
6. If someone says something negative about your ex (for your benefit) brush it off.
Don’t turn it into an opportunity to have a hate session. That’s just bad karma, and you could be talking about something really fun or interesting instead.
7. Give him or her a cake on his/her birthday to enjoy with your kids.
If you just gasped, please pick your jaw up off the ground. Maybe you still feel he or she ruined your life, but think of your kids, and just do a nice, simple thing. Nothing bad will happen if you do something nice. In fact, good things will come to you as a result of kind gestures.
8. If you do something wrong, have the grace to say “I’m sorry.”
9. If you get some bad news from your attorney regarding something his attorney filed, cry by yourself, kick and scream by yourself, but do not utter a word about it to your ex.
Nothing good can come of it. It will result in a fight, which is bad for your kids.
10. If your ex starts dating your friend, say NOTHING to either one.
Grit your teeth and vent to your family and CLOSE friends (not everyone in the community.) Trust me, the relationship will end soon. And, it will go on longer if the two of them know it’s bugging you.
11. If your kids tell you about some expensive trip or item that your ex just bought, do not say anything negative.
If you do, it will ruin it for your kids. Also, don’t make a snide comment about it to your ex. What good is that going to do? Is he going to say, “Wow, you’re right. I was being irresponsible with money?” No. He will just become more resentful and angry with you.
12. The first time you see a ring on your ex’s girlfriend’s finger, try not to gasp or react in a dramatic way.
Rather, smile and for lack of better words, suck it up. Congratulate your ex and think to yourself, ‘This has no bearing on us and why we got divorced.’ – in most cases. There are exceptions. If you need to cry, call your family and close friends. Do not get upset in front of the kids.
13. If your ex gets a new job, wish him or her luck and mean it!
It’s good for you and your kids, too. And maybe if he’s happier, the two of you will get along better.
14. If your ex does something really petty, like give you a check that is $20 lower than what he owes, either take a deep breath and ignore it, or say something, but in a nice way.
If he continues to do it, try a constructive, polite email documenting all the instances.
15. If he or she says something really mean to you, don’t fight back, especially if it’s irrational.
Leave it alone. That’s not only taking the high road, but it will make him or her even more furious that you didn’t react.
How to make divorce easier:
I know that taking the high road can be difficult, but if you think about it, every one of these things will benefit you in the long run. Being angry or bitter or fighting back is not only unproductive, but it’s a waste of energy.
Being kind and polite is NEVER the wrong thing. Even if it’s not reciprocated, no one ever regretted being nice to someone. Let your ex be the one with the bitterness, and hostility. As far as your concerned, the road you are taking is full of good vibes, positive energy and fulfilled dreams.
Like this article? Check out, “8 Great Things Divorce Does for a Woman”
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MikeS
Very timely article. My ex and I are about to go to Mediaiton for the second time regarding me getting more time with my son. Court if Mediation doesn’t work. Just got the PRE evaluation and she said horrible things about me when I was her husband and horrible things about my parenting as well. Most of it is blatant lies, but it is extremely hurtful.
Glad my son is only 2.5 years old and probably doesn’t realize what is going on other than Mommy and Daddy are tense on exchanges. Not sure where all this is going to lead, but I wish she would let go of her anger or whatever. I am just trying to keep my mouth shut lately. Not sure if I will ever be able to forgive for the lies and trying to take my son from me…
Jackie Pilossoph
I’m really sorry you are going through that. It’s very hard, I”m sure. I wish people would think of their kids more, instead of not being able to see past their anger. Best of luck to you.