How to Win at Divorce--The Small Wins

Want to know how to win at divorce? It’s the small wins. When I think about celebrating small wins, it reminds me of a story from a client who we’ll call Mary. Mary was navigating her divorce with the weight of the world on her shoulders, feeling overwhelmed by the unknown. She wasn’t sure where to start, and every day felt like one more step on a never-ending uphill climb. Like many, she was stuck in the idea that her life wouldn’t be okay until all the pieces fell perfectly into place.

But here’s the thing: waiting for that perfect “big win” before allowing yourself to feel proud or happy is a trap. You’re not just surviving until that day arrives. You’re growing. Expanding. Becoming someone stronger, someone wiser. And that deserves recognition every single step of the way.

One afternoon, Mary called me after attending her first mediation session. “It wasn’t much,” she sighed, “but I didn’t break down and cry. I managed to stay calm and step into my power, even when he tried to push my buttons.”

“Wait, hold on,” I interrupted. “That’s huge. You stayed calm. You stepped into your power. You didn’t cry. That’s NOT nothing, Mary. That’s a win.”

At first, she wasn’t sure she could call it a win. Like many of us, she was conditioned to think a victory had to look like a finalized divorce settlement, a signed decree, or a court battle won. But in reality, those “big wins” are built on a series of small, sometimes almost imperceptible steps forward.

The process of divorce—whether you’re just considering it, in the thick of it, or finding your footing post-divorce—isn’t one big moment of transformation. It’s a journey. And along that journey, it’s the small wins that keep you moving, that remind you of your strength, that help you feel like you’ve got this.

How to Win at Divorce is about Celebrating the Small Stuff

Divorce is emotionally draining, to say the least. Whether it’s the late-night tears, the overwhelming paperwork, or the moments of doubt that creep in when you least expect them, the emotional toll is heavy. But when you shift your focus to celebrating small wins, you start to see the light breaking through the clouds.

Small wins are the proof that you’re evolving, that you’re making progress, even when it feels like the world is standing still. They’re the tiny victories that say, “Yes, you’re doing this. And yes, you’re going to come out stronger.”

Michele Heffron, Divorce Coach, Life Strategist

In Mary’s case, staying calm during mediation was a big step in reclaiming her power. For someone else, it might be making that phone call to a coach or an attorney after weeks of procrastination. For you, it could be simply getting out of bed on a day when the weight of it all feels too much. These small moments are not insignificant. They are evidence of your resilience.

What Does Celebrating Small Wins Look Like?

Celebrating your wins doesn’t mean throwing a party every time you handle a tough conversation or check something off your to-do list (but, hey, if that’s your thing, go for it!). It can be as simple as acknowledging your progress.

Pause and reflect. At the end of each day, take a moment to ask yourself: “What did I accomplish today, no matter how small?” Even if it’s just managing to keep your cool when you didn’t think you could, write it down.
Treat yourself. Whether it’s indulging in a favorite cup of tea, going for a walk, or taking 20 minutes to read that book you’ve been meaning to get into, allow yourself a small reward when you overcome a hurdle. This is important!
Share your win with someone who gets it. Whether it’s a friend, family member, or coach (hi!), sharing your win with someone who understands the weight of it can make the victory feel even more real.

The Ripple Effect of Small Wins

When you start celebrating the small wins, something magical happens—you begin to shift your mindset. You stop waiting for the finish line and start appreciating the journey. And when you do that, your confidence grows, your resilience strengthens, and suddenly, the mountain doesn’t look so impossible anymore.

Mary’s small win at mediation led to more wins. She started handling her ex’s emails with a little more detachment, setting better boundaries with her kids’ schedules, and eventually making decisions from a place of calm, not panic. It wasn’t just about “getting through” her divorce—it was about reclaiming her sense of self and power along the way.

So, whether your win today is as small as completing a form, asking for help, or even just getting dressed and out the door, celebrate it. Because it’s not about the size of the win—it’s about the momentum. Every small win you celebrate is one step closer to becoming the person you’re meant to be, a stronger and more grounded version of you.

Keep Going, Keep Celebrating, and Keep Winning at Divorce

Divorce, like life, isn’t a one-time transformation. It’s a process of continuous growth and evolution. So, let’s keep celebrating those small wins—because when you look back, those tiny steps will be the very things that got you to where you’re meant to be.

And trust me, when you get there, you’ll be so grateful you didn’t wait until the finish line to acknowledge your incredible strength.