There’s nothing I enjoy more than watching people open presents from me. The anticipation of seeing their faces light up is so exciting and meaningful. Whether it’s little kids fiercely ripping open wrapping paper, or a spouse grinning while opening a gift because he knows what it is, or a girlfriend delicately taking tape off a package, I love expressions of surprise, delight and sentiment. But there’s something I’m working on as a resolution for 2025: presence, not presents.
Believe me, I will always continue to give presents because I absolutely love: shopping for presents, wrapping presents and watching (or wondering if I ship them) if the person will like what I got them. But this year, I want to be more present. I want to be more present for: my family, my friends, elderly people, people in need, and the biggest one, me.
What exactly does being present mean? Let’s start with family. So, my office happens to be right off the family room, which means that when my family comes in to watch TV or to congregate or to eat on the couch, there I am, right in the middle of things—half the time recording podcasts! Oftentimes, they try to talk to me, and I LOVE talking to them, but I’m sitting at my desk and that means I’m preoccupied. In other words, I’m having a conversation while reading or answering emails. That is NOT being present!
From now on, I am going to get up from my desk, go over to the couch, sit down, and have a conversation where I am giving them my full attention. THAT is what being present means. I don’t think I’m alone. I think lots of people are like me and it’s not that we aren’t good parents, or that we don’t care about our kids or our husbands or boyfriends or moms or dads. It’s that we are so inundated with emails and texts and work and we feel like people sending us emails expect an answer right away. Please join me in slowing that down! People sending us emails don’t need an answer right away. My rule is generally 24-36 hours in answering an email, unless you know the person needs you sooner, which isn’t that often.
What else does being present mean? It means being present in nature. Here’s a great example. When I walk my dog 3-4 times per day, I have a rule. I don’t bring my phone. Ever. Why? Because I want to be present for my dog, and I want to be present in nature. There’s a guy we see a few times a week walking his dog, and I seriously don’t think I’ve ever seen his face because it is always buried in his phone. What’s the point of walking your dog if you aren’t enjoying the beauty of the trees, of the sky, of the flowers, of the snow, of the sun, of the sunrise, of the sunset and of course, the cute little dog you are walking, who is skipping from tree to tree and peeing?
Let’s get into being present in each other’s lives. Like most people, I get dozens of holiday cards every Christmas season. I love seeing how everyone’s kids have grown, and where they’ve gone on vacations, and their smiling faces. However, do you know how many people send me cards but we don’t get together? I’m not saying it’s their fault. But, I’d rather meet my friend for coffee and spend time with her than receive her holiday card. I’m not saying it’s either or. I’m just saying, if you care enough to send me a card, then why aren’t we getting together?
This year, I’d like to be more present in my friends’ lives by making more plans. By not saying “I have to work” so much, and by really making an effort to meet people for walks or coffee or drinks. I know we’re all busy, but my dad used to say “Fun is a job.” What he meant was that making plans is work, but it’s worth it. Let’s be honest. No one has ever regretted getting together too much with their friends.
Lastly, I want to address being present for ourselves. I recently took a trip to Samos, Greece, and stayed at a hotel that was on the Aegean sea. The island of Samos was one of the most beautiful places I have ever seen. It was breathtaking. While I was there, I realized I was more present than maybe I’ve ever been in my life. I was walking one day and I passed a bush that smelled like rosemary, looked down, and realized it was a rosemary bush. I also passed fig trees, olive trees (I stepped on something that smashed and realized it was an olive!), lime trees, and more. I never stopped looking at the beauty of the island for seven days straight.
But as beautiful as Greece is, I think you can be present in seeing beauty wherever you are—even inside your home. Taking time to be present results in gratitude and joy. Think about even walking your fireplace mantle, and passing a picture frame of you and your kids when they were little. You probably pass by it 30 times a day, but how many times do you look at it? Probably none because you are thinking, ‘What am I making for dinner tonight?’ or ‘I’m worried about…’ (fill in the blank.)
In closing, if you’re like me, you gave and opened a lot of presents yesterday and today. And there’s nothing wrong with being happy about the gifts you gave and got. That’s great! But I think what people really really really want the most from you is your presence too.
They want your ears to listen. They want your face to look at. They want your voice to comfort them. They want your arms to hug them. They want your humor to make them laugh. And, they want your heart to show them how much you love them. You can do that with a present, but you can do it even better with your presence. Your FULL presence.
Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukkah everyone!
Like this article? Check out “4 Words You Should Never Say, Ever Again!”
Share
Shelly
Maybe talk to people and understand who they are and if or what THEY want. Gifting to someone shouldn’t be about you, ir should be about them.