Have you ever just felt like, ‘My ex hates me’? Sure you have, and it’s frustrating. It’s hard to understand how a person who used to be your husband (or wife) can switch gears so abruptly in a divorce. What I mean by that is, once loving, kind and caring towards you in your marriage, now your ex is angry and hateful towards you. It’s not only strange and shocking almost, but it’s sad and hurtful.
When someone says “I want a divorce” and then the couple gets separated—I mean when they both know the divorce is really happening, they turn that corner and on come the gloves.
The person you slept in a bed with and made babies with is now like a stranger—a really mean stranger. He or she won’t speak to you, won’t say hello, goes out of his or her way to make you feel bad and uncomfortable, and at times, screams insults and obscenities in your face. You are now at war with the person you ironically stood in front of an audience and God and promised to love and cherish forever, while gazing longingly into each other’s eyes. It’s almost hard to grasp the change when it happens.
“My ex hates me,” i.e. an ex’s anger and hate can go on for months, years, and even a lifetime. I remember a friend told me her 90 year old mom was dying, and told her children that their father (who was her ex-husband) was not to attend her funeral. I couldn’t believe it.
But understanding why your ex is angry and hateful can help you accept it for now, tolerate it, and not play into his hands by fighting back and being mean and angry and hateful back.
For those who feel like “My ex hates me,” here are 8 reasons why he might be angry and hateful towards you:
1. Stress and Fear.
Separation, the divorce process, and the huge life change of divorce might be one of the most stressful situations a person will endure. It also causes tremendous fear. Fear of finances, fear of “will the kids be OK?”, fear of having to sell the house, fear of having to refinance the mortgage, fear of being alone, etc. And, when people have anxiety and fear, they get angry and mean. Who better to take out their anger and hate to? You, the person who caused all of this! (Not that that’s really the case, but in his or her mind, you are the cause, you did this, you are causing him or her all this stress and fear.)
2. Guilt.
Here is a typical scenario. A guy leaves his wife for another woman. At first, he is really nice about it, feels terrible, etc. Then, the wife hires a divorce attorney and starts defending herself in litigation. The husband decides he hates her, and becomes really angry with her. In other words, he channels his guilt into hate for his ex because it’s easier to blame her. By the way, women do this too, it’s not just men.
3. Self-hate.
I personally find that people are most hateful to others when they hate themselves. For someone who lacks self-awareness, it’s easy to transfer the hate they have for themselves to their ex. How many times has your ex come to pick up the kids and is really really mean to you that day, for reasons you have no idea? You’re thinking, ‘OK….what did I do now?” My answer to you is nothing! Something happened to your ex and he hates himself or herself for it, and so he or she decided to hate you instead. It’s easier that way. (To an unhealthy person with no self-awareness, that is.)
4. His new girlfriend/wife.
Let’s say a guy is with a woman who has a horrible relationship with her ex. They treat each other with hate and anger. So, for her, that is the only way she knows for divorced parents. So, when her new husband is trying to co-parent with his ex wife, she can’t understand the friendship. In her mind, he is supposed to hate his ex, just like she hates hers. So, she might be putting pressure on him, fueling the fire, and almost convincing him that you are this horrible person who did this, this and this in the past, and that he shouldn’t forget it or ever be your friend. And, because she is now the woman in his life, he listens because he doesn’t want to create tension in his new relationship.
5. Addiction issues or mental illness.
These are areas that you have absolutely no control over. Say this to yourself: I am not a doctor, I am not an addiction counselor, I am not a psychiatrist. Your ex needs to get help from a professional, and you need to take a step back. A big step back. Addicts blame everyone else for their problems. That’s addiction 101.
6. Hurt and pain.
People cover up intense pain and hurt with anger and hate. Anger and hate are the protective shields over the wounds that aren’t healing. I could cry when I think of how sad this is, and how common. If they could acknowledge that their ex hurt them like hell, and that the pain they caused is still very much there, they might find alternative ways to channel the pain. I’m not saying the person should forgive an ex immediately for what he or she did, but being mean and angry for years is unproductive and very very bad for them, the ex and the kids.
7. Unhappiness.
If someone is unhappy, they don’t want anyone else to be happy, especially the ex. So, if he or she senses you are happy, they want war. They are pissed. In their eyes, you don’t deserve happiness! You ruined their life! On the flip side, if you are miserable, you will find that your ex will be nicer.
8. It’s expected.
Being amicable seems foreign to most people getting divorced, since most divorce stories are ugly. So, they automatically feel like it’s not right to be kind and courteous to an ex.
The good news is, countless couples are able to let go of the anger and hate after a divorce, which fosters acceptance, peace and a happier, better future for both partners.
Letting go of anger and hate also benefits the kids. Not only can parents who are friends co-parent so much more effectively, but kids thrive when their parents get along. It takes so much pressure off of a kid, and makes the kids feel more like a family.
If you think about it, whether a couple is married or divorced, the kids cringe when their parents fight, and they can sense “my ex hates me.” It makes them uncomfortable, sad, insecure, and filled with anxiety. I know that when I get along with my ex, my kids beam with happiness.
Here’s the thing about divorce anger and hate. During a divorce and after, it’s so easy to conjure up memories that sustain resentment. It’s easier to blame the ex than to look in the mirror and say, “Maybe I played a role in this divorce, too.” It’s also easy to hate if you know you can’t have your ex back, and it’s easy to hate someone who moved on before you, i.e. has a girlfriend two minutes after the separation (which so many people do.) It’s also easy to say, “He took the best years of my life” and resent him or her for that.
The key in letting go of anger and hate is to remember two things:
1. You have zero control over your ex’s journey, and his or her anger and hate towards you. Yes, you can try talking to him or her, writing a letter, apologizing for your role in the divorce, but that’s pretty much all you can do. He or she is the one who has to decide to let it go.
2. You have all the control over letting your anger go. I remember a woman once said to me, “I want to let go of my anger, but I don’t know how.” My answer is, stop looking back. If you focus on your children and your own life, the road ahead, the life you want moving forward, and you do what you can to get what you want from this point forward, your anger and hate will go away. The wound will turn into a scab and eventually fall off. Will you have a small scar? For sure. But it won’t be noticeable.
Like this post? Check out, “How Do You Stop Being Angry in a Divorce?”
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mgm531
Yeah, I’ve got a few reasons the be angry and hateful towards my ex. Two Thousand, Five Hundred and Thirty Eight reasons actually. ‘Cause that’s amount I have to pay her every month for alimony and CS while she sits on her butt and does NOTHING. Even though she has more education than I DO!
Svetlana kouzko
Dear mgm 531.
This is your lazy ex “who sits on her butt and do nothing” After reading what you have to say about me all over social media and internet, when you calling me a passive-aggressive, immature and telling everyone how horrible I was in bed, I decide to write you my response.
For a past 5 years I was busting my ass as a full-time medical student and part-time employee. I am sleeping 6 hours a day and don’t have a weekends. While you complaining all over internet about your harsh life, I am raising your child alone. For 5 years you never asked if we have anything to eat or need any kind of help. Why you don’t tell the truth: how much you own in child support and for how long you haven’t paid it, being employed?
Should I mention request of payments spousal support FROM YOU while my daughter and I trying to survive on my Grand Plus student loan?
I am sorry for being a horrible wife. I am sorry for all that suffering that you went through for all 16 years of living with me. I was working on low-paid jobs and taking care of family while you were building your career. I was moving from state to state with you and I was always with you and for you. Yes, I am well-educated women with a Foreign Degree and I gave up all my dreams for you and my family.
I guess, after 16 years you decided that you don’t need me anymore. I can understand that.
I never said anything bad about you because 16 years ago I made my choice to be with you and I respect that.
Please, stop write all that nasty things about me. You disrespecting yourself with all that complaints.
Sincerely, your horrible ex.
Eric
I hope He keeps writing NASTY Things you greedy Selfish tool
Mitzy
Funny how you men stand up and vow to endow a woman with all your worldly goods, father children with the implied that you will raise and care for that child with that woman, and easily forget the sacrifices she made and the work ( paid or not) SHE did to enhanve all your lives. Shame on you men for only giving value to yourselfs and dishonoring you own families by your skinflint inability to at least continue to honor the most sacred and necessary part of your vow to share and care, if not love those who depended on you and your clearly empty promises. Never ceases to amaze me how men value keeping all 100 % of the ” wordly goods both earned and are entitled to from joint effort while in the marriage and no matter how fairly the courts split those upon divorce men weep and knash their teeth and direct such hatred towards theor former partners. Worse when they show such animosity toward doing their part to support their own child fairly. Sickening beasts they are for sure.
AJ Weaver Seal Man
Well at least we know his anger is justified, you sociopath
Ch
I am full of anger too. Sometimes I wake up as if i am yelling at my ex. I say things about my ex i never thought i could. I truly feel hatred as I remember about their actions or have to read their messages.
Is it justified? They did me very wrong. Is anger helping me? No. I feel that i am also suffering more as a result. Yet, I am not able to let go. Despite wanting to and trying. In fact, I feel that I am mentally losing it as a result. And it affects my kids badly too.
Therapy hasnt helped by the way.
Carrie
I am so tired of the cowardly poor me men who leave their marriage for another woman and want to act like the first one never existed. We were married 17 yrs and had 2 kids. He chose to leave the final time on Xmas eve. It broke my heart. I’m a professional woman who makes good money. It was split 50/50 joint custody I had placement. Kids were 10&12 at the time. When he felt like it he’d show up for visitation never felt the need to let me know if he was coming or not. I avoided him because it was never a pleasant interaction. He married this one who thinks she should have anything to say about my kids. They were rarely around. At one point in time the kids didn’t talk to their Dad for 5 yrs. When the kids were grown Dad wanted to see kids, I took job out of town. Dad convinced kids I took him through ringer they won’t talk to me or let me see grandkids. Needless to say it breaks my heart. I never remarried. Any ideas on repairing relationships with kids their in their 30s now
Brenda
I think this is all very good advice, unless, there was abuse involved. Even in an abusive situation, like mine, letting go of the anger is absolutely the best. However, while I don’t yell and scream at him, I also do not speak to him and would go out of my way to avoid him. It’s just that scary.
Jackie Pilossoph
I’m so sorry to hear that and I completely understand.
A Grant
This is really good information a lot to think about even for grandparents as u feel like you are going through it to ! I am the grand mother who helps with the grandchildren! It is very hard when u see your daughter for years doing everything for her children and the spouse does nothing !
Jackie Pilossoph
I’m sure it is frustrating! Your daughter is lucky to have you!
jo
This is what i liked of your article look to the future – great advice excerpt here:”stop looking back. If you focus on your children and your own life, the road ahead, the life you want moving forward, and you do what you can to get what you want from this point forward, your anger and hate will go away. The wound will turn into a scab and eventually fall off. Will you have a small scar? For sure. But it won’t be noticeable.”
Rob
My ex-wife seems to loathe me. When she left she said that she still loved me but didn’t trust me. The entire time she was gone up until the day our divorce was final (9 months), I did nothing but continue to act like a husband and tried to prove everyday to her that I loved her very much. I am still trying! For some reason as each day goes non she seems to dislike me more and more. Now she cant even look at me. I don’t get it at all. I love her very much but it is much worse now than when he left me!
Jackie Pilossoph
Here’s what I think about that. I’m really sorry, by the way. That is so difficult and I can completely relate. I think when someone decides to leave, they have years and years of pent up resentment (whether warranted or not) and it just keeps building and building and gets worse before it gets better. That’s just my opinion. I hope she is in therapy, and I hope you are too. That really does help.
AJ Weaver Seal Man
Jackie,
No one cares what you think about that.
This website is shit. What, because you weren’t able to keep your marriage going and you failed you decided to monetize it and start this shit? Talk about narcissism!
You are a sheister and likely a racist and a trump supporting shit head.
Do everyone a favor – you don’t have the qualified to give people advice. You lie for money on the internet.
The world needs less people like you to be better.
Angry Breadwinner
Once someone decides to leave, they may get angry when you finally become the man they always wished you should/could be.
That was my case. My ex and I were in the midst of the reconciling process and I finally “got it” and I was being the man I should have been all along. But she got angry. I didn’t understand her anger until I found out that she had already given up and was having an emotional affair with another man and had moved on. I believe she was subconsciously going through the motions of reconciling with me so she could look back and say that she tried everything. But when the reconciling was working, that ruined her story and she got angry with my transformation. She was probably not conscious of this but after many years of Monday quarterbacking what happened, this is what I believe happened. It is sad. I loved her. She loved me. Our kids could have had us as role models for a healthy relationship. But alas it was not meant to be.
E. Audy
This article sheds some light. My ex still hates me after 3 years and now that he has a new, good life with a new person. I wonder how long a person’s hateful energy can last, and get the feeling that his will last forever, and I’m trying to figure out why. I guess it’s deep hurt, deep wounds to the ego, resentment for building a dream and then being the driver of the divorce. He never was one to look at his own part of blame, but rather, always blame others. Guess that’s the answer.
Eric
Almost Ten Years after Divorce I Still Dispise My EX-Wife I Don’t think I’ll Never Not Hate Her Not just because of her ADULTRY Her Domestic Violence against me Having me Jailed stealing my stuff but also Taking my Daughter This HATRED is forever
Dor
Like the post and 2 things to remember
Forgiveness is very hard especially when a divorce is new
Letting go of anger is getting easier after 2 yrs
Showing negativity around your children towards your ex is hard and takes effort
It becomes easier with time
I have no communication with my ex after 28 years of marriage
This was his choice
I try to not dwell on the past and block him from my thoughts
Tally
My ex-husband still hates me after 9 years of divorce. I left him because he cheated on me when I was pregnant. He is remarried now. But he still has such mean anger towards me. He had told our son that he hopes I die from covid and calls me all kinds of names constantly and his wife is a part of it also. I feel so bad for my son. I even had to obtain a no-contact order at one point. I have no anger, I feel bad for my son. We have a very nice life. My ex is just so hateful, I feel bad for him that he carries such hate in his heart.
Martin
I notice that in all of your eight reasons you place the blame on the person who is hating and none of the answers take responsibility for things that may have been done to the hater. You never consider that the hater may have very good, legitimate reasons for the hatred. My ex acted in despicable ways. Cheating, being deceitful and underhanded in financial dealings, refusing mediation and other despicable actions. Never once do you address the issue that the hate is perhaps justified. It is all the haters fault. They just “hate” for no reason and it is all their problem. Your eight answers take no responsabilty for the actual reason they may hate you.
Martin
#9 You Have done despicable things and their hatred is justified.
If someone hates you that much maybe, just maybe, you could look at yourself and see what you have done to make them hate you so much.
Angry Breadwinner
When one ex-spouse is still paying the other ex years after the marriage ended, then there is a good chance the paying ex will feel resentment and anger. If possible, it would be better if the divorce split the assets and NO financial support is given. The additional support does not allow the paying spouse to heal. To him, the hurt from the divorce is not in the past but in the present – every single week that he has to write a check.
In my case, my ex wanted to leave. She had an affair at the end while we were trying to reconcile. I accept that we are both at fault for the failed marriage. We split up the marital assets 50/50. I was the breadwinner so it didn’t feel fair to split things in half but in a marriage things are both of yours – so I also accept that.
However, what I do not accept is having to pay her spousal and child support after the divorce. I didn’t mind the child support while she was living by herself – even despite having 50/50 custody. The spousal support stopped her from working full time and advancing in her career which she could have easily done.
Once she moved in and got engaged to her “mistress”, the spousal support ended but the child support continued. Legally she is in the right (in my state) to still receive child support (despite the 50/50 custody), but I do not think she is morally right. She wanted to leave. She had the affair making the reconciliation process impossible. Now her affair partner practically pays for everything and she still doesn’t have to work full time and his income doesn’t get considered when determining the child support. If she no longer received the child support, it would not affect their lifestyle, but it would help me greatly.
Our culture (and sites like this one) teach women not to take on more responsibility. That men have no right to be angry for the loss of income. That indirectly the message is sometimes “a man is a plan” and a woman doesn’t have to be completely independent from a man. We should instead teach women that if they can afford to, they should not financially take advantage of a man. That the post-divorce relationship will be better and healthier and maybe it is worth it (especially if there are kids involved) to not receive support from the ex-husband after the divorce.
(Note: everyone’s experience is different. I do acknowledge that there are cases when spousal and/or child support is needed: i.e. decades long marriages, uneven child custody arrangements, etc. But in my case and in many other people’s cases, financial support should be non-existent or temporary (so it is used as a temporary safety net not a crutch) ).
Martin
The answer above is perfect (Angry Breadwinner)^… my ex has already been through another house ( payed for with my money) and and another man after a ten year relationship… yet I’m still paying her for our divorce ..she is probably “smiling “ …that’s ok … I hate her … and I would never attend another wedding..f marriage …hopefully I live long long enough to see her get cancer .. I would spit on her grave …
Jenny
No you men are wrong. You are sick sick individuals. I stayed home for 24 years, my ex husband did not want me to work at the time we thought it was in our children’s best interest for one parent to be home. I feel like it was the biggest mistake I ever made. My youngest child has a disability and then I was really unable to think about working outside the home. He then became verbally and emotionally abusive. And eventually left me for a woman he had been having an affair with for a few years. Ha to think of me starting a career at 56 years old…I would be making minimum wage while still caring for adult disabled child. You men should be ashamed of your behavior. Yes he has to pay me alimony for a long long time. And it is nothing compared to what he earns. The judicial system is unfair to women. Women have a long long way to go. Men or women that think it’s okay to up and leave and then think they don’t have to continue to pay is sick and demented. You are an angry and demented breadwinner.
Martin
Am I supposed to feel sorry for you? Get a job ..
Jearl Black
0ver 15 years ago……divorced an out kids have kids of their own. to this day, I miss her like the first day, at first it was sure rocky, but I did love her still and we become I guess id call it friends….I think. I hated myself and did get angry because i was unwanted. I’ve always been there for her am always will and all this time, she has suddenly become so angry all over again, I just wish I understood and i would truly listen and be patient, I hate fighting with the person I love more than anything on this whole Earth and she deserves to be happy. I was not a perfect husband at all and I used to drink also….a lot. she give me 2 beautiful children and stayed home while I was able to start building us a future and work on pension checks…2 plus social security (if it’s still around) and one day I come home to an empty home, flipped my life upside down. I am an INFJ personality type and all the material things, money, cars, home…all are nothing to me. NOTHING. I was not the man she needed me to be and it’s too late now. I feel so guilty that I have a career and she does not and she stayed home anf raised our babies, I feel I owe her for this, I honestly genuinely feel this. My ex is always so defensive and I’ve proved so many times that I really am on her side, I want to see her happy! A big pretty smile belongs on her beautiful face, the one I give my heart to and I do not want it back, id rather spend my short time i have left here, having ever loved only her. and life has eaten her up and shit her off a cliff recently and God knows it’s me who should have gone through that and not her. she told me just this week that an Army friend of mine and also a friend’s wife told her that I had cheated on her all those years ago and I was floored!! I swear to all that is holy, I NEVER cheated….why would she not tell me that until now! I never knew they said those things…..I feel betrayed so much….the “buddies” wife told her herself I was with her and shf apologized to my ex for it is what I was just told today! far from perfect, yes…..but cheated? NEVER. I never wanted another and I was with my ex again 5 years ago, and I’ll never be with another person She is now the First and Last person I have ever been with and its staying that way. I’d give anything to know why I’m just now hearing these horrible lies told about me and why is she all a sudden so angry with me…..if any ex-wife deserves alimony on This Earth, it’s her. The absolute most difficult part, hurting me the very very most……the thought that she may think I “wasted” so much of her life, her TIME…..the most precious gift we have to give anyone and I’ll spend all the time I have left trying to make it up to her anyway she will allow me to and that, that feels sooo much better than fighting out of self hate. I’m so sorry for all the anger I’ve caused you Kristi, I truly am!!! please forgive me and know I’m always right here and I’ll give you my last breath should you ever need it. I wish for only one thing of all this world has to offer….I wish you did not hate me so much now, please help me understand why.
……
Jearl Black
0ver fifteen years ago I was divorced and our kids have kids of their own. to this day, I miss her like the first day, at first it was sure rocky, but I did love her still and we become I guess id call it friends….I think. I hated myself and did get angry because i was unwanted. I’ve always been there for her and always will be and all this time, she has suddenly become so angry all over again, I just wish I understood and i would truly listen and be patient, I hate fighting with the person I love more than anything on this whole Earth and she deserves to be happy. I was not a perfect husband at all and I used to drink also….a lot. she give me 2 beautiful children and stayed home while I was able to start building us a future and work on pension checks…2 plus social security (if it’s still around) and one day I come home to an empty home, flipped my life upside down. I am an INFJ personality type and all the material things, money, cars, home…all are nothing to me. NOTHING. I was not the man she needed me to be and it’s too late now. I feel so guilty that I have a career and she does not and she stayed home and raised our babies. I still see it in her….her personality….so strong amd fearIess, the glue making birthdays and holidays feel so perfect and making it just feel like home, oh the potential i still see in her when the fire in those pretty green eyes is blazing she will get her point across and ensure her words are clearly heard and understood. I feel I owe her for all she has done, putting herself on hold…., I honestly genuinely feel this. My ex is always so defensive and I’ve proved so many times that I really am on her side and I’ll always do all I can to share with her what I belueve is “her part” of me having a career because without her, id have nothing its because of her, evolutions design for me to be the privider for the one i Love, that i get up and go to a job for 24 years now……wishing i could quit and feeling id be doing wrong for her if I did. want to see her happy! A big pretty smile belongs on her beautiful face, the one I give my heart to and I do not want it back, id rather spend my short time i have left here, having ever loved only her. and life has eaten her up and shit her off a cliff recently and God knows it’s me who should have gone through that and not her. she told me just this week that an Army friend of mine and also a friend’s wife told her that I had cheated on her all those years ago and I was floored!! I swear to all that is holy, I NEVER cheated….why would she not tell me that until now! I never knew they said those things…..I feel betrayed so much….the “buddies” wife told her herself I was with her and shf apologized to my ex for it is what I was just told today! far from perfect, yes…..but cheated? NEVER. I never wanted another and I was with my ex again 5 years ago, and I’ll never be with another person She is now the First and Last person I have ever been with and its staying that way. I’d give anything to know why I’m just now hearing these horrible lies told about me and why is she all a sudden so angry with me…..if any ex-wife deserves alimony on This Earth, it’s her. The absolute most difficult part, hurting me the very very most……the thought that she may think I “wasted” so much of her life, her TIME…..the most precious gift we have to give anyone and I’ll spend all the time I have left trying to make it up to her anyway she will allow me to and that, that feels sooo much better than fighting out of self hate. I’m so sorry for all the anger I’ve caused you Kristi, I truly am!!! please forgive me and know I’m always right here and I’ll give you my last breath should you ever need it. I wish for only one thing of all this world has to offer….I wish you did not hate me so much now, please help me understand why….
Jblack
0ver fifteen years ago I was divorced and our kids have kids of their own. to this day, I miss her like the first day, at first it was sure rocky, but I did love her still and we become I guess id call it friends….I think. I hated myself and did get angry because i was unwanted. I’ve always been there for her and always will be and all this time, she has suddenly become so angry all over again, I just wish I understood and i would truly listen and be patient, I hate fighting with the person I love more than anything on this whole Earth and she deserves to be happy. I was not a perfect husband at all and I used to drink also….a lot. she give me 2 beautiful children and stayed home while I was able to start building us a future and work on pension checks…2 plus social security (if it’s still around) and one day I come home to an empty home, flipped my life upside down. I am an INFJ personality type and all the material things, money, cars, home…all are nothing to me. NOTHING. I was not the man she needed me to be and it’s too late now. I feel so guilty that I have a career and she does not and she stayed home and raised our babies. I still see it in her….her personality….so strong amd fearIess, the glue making birthdays and holidays feel so perfect and making it just feel like home, oh the potential i still see in her when the fire in those pretty green eyes is blazing she will get her point across and ensure her words are clearly heard and understood. I feel I owe her for all she has done, putting herself on hold…., I honestly genuinely feel this. My ex is always so defensive and I’ve proved so many times that I really am on her side and I’ll always do all I can to share with her what I belueve is “her part” of me having a career because without her, id have nothing its because of her, evolutions design for me to be the privider for the one i Love, that i get up and go to a job for 24 years now……wishing i could quit and feeling id be doing wrong for her if I did. want to see her happy! A big pretty smile belongs on her beautiful face, the one I give my heart to and I do not want it back, id rather spend my short time i have left here, having ever loved only her. and life has eaten her up and shit her off a cliff recently and God knows it’s me who should have gone through that and not her. she told me just this week that an Army friend of mine and also a friend’s wife told her that I had cheated on her all those years ago and I was floored!! I swear to all that is holy, I NEVER cheated….why would she not tell me that until now! I never knew they said those things…..I feel betrayed so much….the “buddies” wife told her herself I was with her and shf apologized to my ex for it is what I was just told today! far from perfect, yes…..but cheated? NEVER. I never wanted another and I was with my ex again 5 years ago, and I’ll never be with another person She is now the First and Last person I have ever been with and its staying that way. I’d give anything to know why I’m just now hearing these horrible lies told about me and why is she all a sudden so angry with me…..if any ex-wife deserves alimony on This Earth, it’s her. The absolute most difficult part, hurting me the very very most……the thought that she may think I “wasted” so much of her life, her TIME…..the most precious gift we have to give anyone and I’ll spend all the time I have left trying to make it up to her anyway she will allow me to and that, that feels sooo much better than fighting out of self hate. I’m so sorry for all the anger I’ve caused you Kristi, I truly am!!! please forgive me and know I’m always right here and I’ll give you my last breath should you ever need it. I wish for only one thing of all this world has to offer….I wish you did not hate me so much now, please help me understand why….
PG
This article was written by a woman. How do I know? because all of these reasons are about what’s wrong with the other person. This is a very dangerous attitude to have for the sake of yourself, your ex and most of all, your children. None of these reasons are about what you might be doing to them. It couldn’t be that as you announced your divorce you started making decisions like weaponizing children, kicking him out of his own house, spending his own savings to hire the very lawyers that will destroy his future, openly flaunting a new relationship or suddenly telling everybody all of your spouse’s intimate secrets or engaging in reputation destruction as some kind of selfish catharsis or emotional outlet. Many of these things are ubiquitous aspects of divorce and are therefore far more likely reasons for a person to be angry than blame-centric accountability-free excuses like “fear, guilt, self-loathing, bitterness, mental illness”, etc. on the part of your ex. As for the last one, “it’s expected”, maybe. The fact is that no divorce should be amicable. The commitment you made should be so solid that only the most hateful sort of festering issues should justify a divorce. If you can be amicable in divorce, you should be amicable in marriage instead. If you disagree, don’t get married because you really don’t believe in it.
Mike
What a load of horseshit this article is. It’s written in a way that is saying the “female is always right during a divorce and the man is always in the wrong and the bad guy”
I wonder why suicide rates are so high. It truly is a mystery.
KAREN JONES
you forgot a load of FESTERING ROTTING HORSESHIT LOL:)
Bret
As a man dealing with the inverse of this situation it’s hard hearing my ex shout at our son when he’s on the phone. I feel like I can’t do anything since they live in another state far away from here. My ex was abusive physically towards me which is why she had to move in with her relatives. Everything was a fight, I couldn’t have a calm conversation with her because she had been used to shouting to get her way. I feel for the women and men dealing with this.
RobertCane
I for one love divorce. I have been divorced 4 times over the past 11 years and each time it reminds me why I love what I do. The rush of adrenaline every time I sign the paperwork makes me feel alive for a brief moment of my agonizing life. Every time I meet a girl I try and seduce her with my masculine charm. These women don’t ever seem to appreciate how much time I put into increasing my musk and working on my car. I actually had one report me for asking if she was fertile … she was nearing her 30’s and they’re usually pretty desperate for a real man. I always love when they agree to get married right away, makes the divorce come sooner. Its such a drag getting them to marry and stay, they always ask for SO much … . Sometimes for fun I get really close with the wives families and try and make them side with me in the divorce. Towards the end, I love to act insane and sometimes even alcoholic, makes it real fun. My favorite time was when I made it look like I got wasted and wrecked the house. I got to tear up her favorite sweater and blamed her for buying wine for her girls night. Just got to get a kick out of life every now and then … Anyway, if any ladies want a real man to take care of them, I’ll give you my email.
Jamie Frei
7. A man told his son he wasn’t paying for his cell phone any more because Mom took him to court and took all his money.
(The man has a very high net worth, by the way.) He ended up calling the cell company and discontinuing service.
The vindictive ex is a planner. A manipulator. A liar.
He or she spends time scheming and concocting a strategy to destroy their ex because that is the only way they know how to deal with their hurt, hate and anger.
This is bullshit and disagree with this whole statement. My ex when I caught had been sleeping with her boss for 2.5 years when I found out on our 10 year anniversary it was after the kids went to bed ex feel asleep with them in our bed and the old fat disgusting disabled boss started texting her sexual innuendo so glad I found… but I made mistakes went downstairs theeatened my life she said I threatened
Her so she could file a PFA and life in the home while I had to move back with my family…. not the end she made me feel bad I got better in ten days in a hospital I had to watch the kids so she could go to work with the man she had an affair with. Moved into a hotel the called the bosses wife and she gave me the boards number to the non profit they worked for to tell them about everything Long story short they were fired but another reason for the pfa it came the day after
Being Fired so she needed income and a place to life since the hospital sent me back home to the martial home they didn’t buy here BS I’m a 100% disabled veteran due to a severe traumatic brain injury and she knew I had memory issues since she met but it didn’t stop her from saying yes with a 21k engagement ring she had to pawn for 5k for lawyer fees