Jackie, I promised to love, honor and cherish him forever & I didn’t break a promise. I would do anything for my life to rewind 4 months & for this to not be happening. I don’t understand nor can I believe that this is my life now; that my husband left me & I’m all alone. We were together for 14 years since we were 16. How could he do this? It just feels like it all meant nothing to him when it meant everything to me. I just don’t know how I’ll ever recover.
This comment was posted on Divorced Girl Smiling and honestly, it’s heartbreaking. “I just don’t know how I’ll recover” sounds like a hopeless frame of mind.
Here’s what I want to say to “My Husband Left Me and I Don’t Know How I’ll Ever Recover:
It seems almost impossible right now to imagine that you will be happy again someday. I get it. You had a ring on your finger for over a decade. It might seem like your husband has taken your youth and your innocence, and you don’t really know what life is like without him. It’s very traumatizing and will have an affect on you forever.
That said, here is the good news for “My husband left me.” You are only 30 years old! Most people don’t get married (for the first time) until over age 30. I know it is very very hard to imagine trusting and loving someone else someday, but since you are so young, you can have a whole life with another man if you want that.
You can have kids with him if you choose. My saying this might be upsetting to you, so keep in mind, I don’t mean this is going to happen tomorrow. I’m just saying that humans crave love and companionship, and we have the innate strength to move on. It takes time, but it does happen.
I know countless men and women whose husbands left them and most ended up falling madly in love again at some point. Unless a person plays the victim and focuses on being bitter and angry about their ex.-which is a small population, in my opinion, I think people usually end up meeting someone.
The point is, you WILL recover. How? How long does it take? It’s different for everyone, but not as long as you think.
Here are 11 things you can do that will give you a good jumpstart on recovering from your divorce.
1. Join a gym.
Please don’t roll your eyes. You need the release of endorphins, and the hundreds of other mental benefits that result from both cardio, weight training and other fitness classes.
2. Start doing yoga.
It will teach your breathing techniques and give you a sense of peace and tranquility during those times when your mind wanders to a bad place.
3. Connect with girlfriends.
You need your girls right now! Make lots of coffee, walking or shopping dates.
4. Get into reading.
There is nothing better than a great book to take your mind off of your own problems. It doesn’t even matter what genre it is, reading not only makes you smarter, but gives you new appreciation for a larger world, not just your own.
5. Find your faith.
I’m not saying you have to attend church or synagogue, but talking to God and having faith is a very soothing way to cope with divorce. He is listening.
6. Avoid alcohol.
It will intensify strong emotions of anger, sadness and hopelessness. Plus, you don’t want to become one of those people who need a nightly glass or two or three of wine. It’s just bad for your health and you could be susceptible to addiction.
7. Be open to meeting men, even if it’s just as friends.
Try to remember that not all men leave. There are some really good ones out there. Being platonic friends with men is really enjoyable. You get to hear his perspective on things, and you never know what it can turn into. The best relationships start off as friends. And, if he stays a platonic friend, he might introduce you to other men.
8. Follow your passion.
Do what you love, whether it’s professionally or just a hobby. Your passion makes you happy. Right now, you need happy. Big time.
9. Enjoy your living space.
Make it what you want by redecorating, painting, organizing and disposing of unneeded items taking up room. You’ll love and appreciate where you live and you’ll enjoy the comfort.
10. Volunteer.
I read something about Robert Herjevac’s divorce. Apparently he was so depressed about his divorce and didn’t know what to do, so he volunteered at a soup kitchen, and said it changed his life. It probably put everything in perspective, and gave him a sense of self-worth that is badly needed during a divorce.
11. Think of your husband leaving you as something you couldn’t control.
In other words, don’t keep looking back saying, “My husband left me, and maybe if I’d have done….he wouldn’t have left.” This is what was meant to be, and someday, (although hard to fathom right now) you will realize and accept it, and actually be glad it turned out this way.
Like this article? Check out, “9 Signs of a Healthy Romantic Relationship”
Share
E butler
I especially like number 11. I am getting to the point where I am finally glad he left me. It’s been 4 painful years and now I can honestly say that. It is true. Applying the thought “it’s something I couldn’t control” is a an excellent idea.
BamaTaz
#3 has sustained me throughout the last 3 years following my divorce from a 15 year marriage. I can honestly say I have done all the items on this list and by far #3 has helped me the most. During those times of loneliness and sadness my girlfriends have been my rocks to cry on and laugh with. The last 6 months have been a turning point and I am finally reaching a point of peace and happiness. I encourage anyone going through a divorce to find a DivorceCare session at a local church. I did this when I first filed and it has helped me and you can attend future sessions if you want to gage your progress or just get stuck in the process of handling the rollercoaster of emotions. It does get better if that is what you want.
Tiffany
Great advice… The last 9 and a half months have been rough but I have been so much better the last couple of months. It’s so heart breaking that they just are done when you would try everything to make it work. I thought he didn’t care, that he was living this happy life without me but I’ve heard it was just as hard on him. Which I never understood since this is what he wanted. I can tell you that with time it does get easier. I still have a hard time when I think of dating and trusting someone again. It scares me….
Vaz
I wasn’t expecting a response so thank you all. Only my parents and his family know what’s really happened…I couldn’t bear for extended family, friends, colleagues etc to know that he just left, at least this helps me to put on a brave face but it also means that other than my parents I don’t have anyone to talk to. I could go to a therapist (therapy is not as common in the UK) but as it’s been several months now I think I’m best to try & focus on the future rather than dwelling on everything. I go to gym everyday & just started doing Body Balance a few weeks ago but there is a lot more I could be doing. I hardly have any friends that’s what makes this so much harder, we both had lots of friends throughout school & uni then all the girls (me included) just wanted to spend time with our boyfriends and now we really spent all our time together alone or with family. He is in the same situation.
80% of me does believe that I couldn’t control this – it’s came so out of the blue & he didn’t give us a chance at all so I don’t feel like there was anything I could have done. I had been completely content & as far as I was concerned we were in a loving, solid relationship with a good life ahead of us. He said he’s not been happy for a while but his behaviour never changed & he didn’t mention feeling this way, it just feels like a case of ‘I’ve spent enough time with this one, now to see what else is out there’. To not even give us some time to even discuss anything is just unbearably shocking to me. He’s just cut me out of his life without a care in the world. He really was everything to me – I’ve been too devoted & caring. ‘Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option’ speaks volumes.
I do realise I sound awfully sorry for myself but this has been such a shock I still can’t believe this has happened – that the person I absolutely trusted and loved implicitly could do this. To feel so close to someone & spend every minute with them to end up like this without warning just feels so unbelievably cruel.
For 2 months I still felt like he was mine, surely he had to change his mind & this was just a moment of madness but 3 weeks ago he told me (not really through choice but a few things didn’t make sense & I just knew there was something going on) that he’s on Match.com and had been on 3/4 dates with 2 different women. This was 4 weeks after he moved out. I’ll never really know when he started dating, realistically I don’t think it happened before he left as he’s always in from work early every night (and has fixed holidays with his job) & was with me every weekend. Online dating was the last thing I expected, if anything I thought it was more likely he would be involved with someone at work but to go on dates so soon I just don’t understand how he could, how someone could leave a 14 year relationship & go out with other people just a few weeks later. I am hopeful that one day I will meet someone else but at the same time I do worry how I will ever trust them. If someone that you’ve spend half your life with can just end it all & move on right away what hope is there with someone I’ve not even met yet.
I knew there would be someone else eventually but I really never expected him to date so soon. I though that he would eventually meet someone on a night out but with hardly anyone to go out with I guess he felt this was the only way (& the easiest & quickest way). As awful as this is, it’s helped me to realise that it really is over but it’s also ruined any chance of us ever being friends or even speaking down the line I’m just too hurt. In 14 years I always felt that he was completely honest with me, at no point did I ever feel like I was being lied to, we were always together & so close but he’s now a different person now.
Not 5 minutes goes by where I’m not focusing on this, I can hardly think about anything else & I just wish I could stop. My worry is that I’ll just never get over the hurt….how someone I cared for so much & was very kind & utterly devoted to could really cause me so much pain. At the same time I know I just need to stop thinking about what he’s done and focus on me.
Julie Atherton -storey
Ive just read your post. You could be talking about me. Can’t believe how we are the same. Its week 1 for me and im devastated
Britt
Same here. Exactly me right now except 10 years instead of 14. I’m just about two weeks in, he is still living in our home and it’s killing me.
Alicia Parkinson
Just the same my husband is leaving me tomorrow and I have to find strength from somewhere we’re just not good together and it’s very sad . I hope you can find strength to recover . I was in a car crash and have still got trauma to deal with so I really have just about had enough . I’m scared and alone , our relationship caused my children to fall out with me not good at all .
Deb
I’m sorry to say I have a similar story. My husband of 24 years announced he was divorcing me while I was in extreme pain and unable to care for myself postsurgery. That was two weeks ago. Since then he has said he wanted to work things out and then abruptly moved out three days ago. My 79 year old parents are now living in my basement until I can take care of myself. He started individual counseling six months ago, but lied and said he was stressed about work. He was working up the nerve to leave. I spent six months consoling him and telling him how much I loved him and he could quit his job or get fired. That I didn’t care because we were ok as long as we had each other. I can’t reconcile the person I love with the person who lied to me for six months and walked out on me twice when I could not feed or bath myself. It’s so cruel. He says we are separated but is thinking about whether or not to try couples counseling even though he said he would before the second walk out. I know I should not want to be with a liar and a cruel person, which apparently he is even though I have never seen this behavior in 24 years. I think it is the fact that he lied for all those months and I did not have a chance to try to fix any problems. My marriage is simply gone in an instant and there is nothing I can do about it. My heart breaking. I certainly hope you all can find some peace some day.
Jackie Pilossoph
I am going to write a blog post on this situation so I will offer more detailed advice. In the meantime, what I will say is, when you don’t feel physically fine, it is very hard to imagine being on your own. But once you recover, you will probably feel differently. For me, and outsider reading this, it shows me what kind of person he is and where his head his. Don’t you feel like you deserve better? Don’t you feel like you shouldn’t have to beg someone to stay with you? And if you do beg, (which I am not judging-after 24 years I might do the same) isn’t it kind of like that’s all you can do at this point? My prediction is that he will leave and then he will regret it. I’m so sorry you are going through this difficult time. But I really believe if you can find your inner-strength and confidence, your life will turn out great.
cherry
http://www.chumplady.com
your exes are assholes and probably cheaters. chumplady’s website has been what helped me through when my husband left me while i was pregnant. you will find your sanity there again. just leaving this message here in case it can help anyone.
DeeCee
Well…. I was married for 21 yrs no sign or warning felt so in luv but he had to take a bus to his job one day because his car was messed up and I was already at work. So….he met a 28 yr old woman with 4 kids with 4 daddies on his lil bus ride and moved back to her hometown out of state with her and ended us over a text what a loser couldn’t even do it to my face the reason I know he met her on a bus ride is I hacked his fb never screw with a girl who works with computers for a career. lol Anyhow he told me to junk all his stuff he was never coming back I lost everything because we always had 2 incomes and now I only had one. Its going on 4 mths now and I have not heard from him and he left every bill with me too pay last heard from a friend he was engaged gonna have a baby with her and he rented them a place to live. I was in shock but I see now he was not worth a shi* because when you love someone you don’t stray off to find some bus skank to move in with and leave your family behind like they never existed. He did me a favor now I can work on me because I always put him first the 21 yrs that we were together. To be honest since he has moved out of state I don’t have to see him or talk to him so its a lot easier moving on from this separation. Out of sight out of mind!!!!! we deserve better and they can go play but the grass is not always greener n the other side that’s for sure def. when you just meet someone on a bus and leave 21yrs behind when your 40 yrs old at that chin up there are better men out there that will love us and treat us right you may hurt for a little while but time will heal all wounds. Thank goodness he didn’t wait longer to leave you we can still go out and explore. This too shall pass!!!!! God is Good everything happens for a reason.
Chrissy
Vaz, the same thing happened to me a little over a month ago. We had issues but him leaving came out of nowhere. I do believe you and I will find love again. I’m not giving up hope because we married the wrong people. Please try to stay positive, I know it’s hard, but we are better off without people like them. I certainly don’t think we deserve someone who would bail on us! Be blessed
wendy
I hope with all my heart 11 holds true.
Matt
Vaz, I em sorry about what you are going through, but it is going to get better. I am a male whose wife left me. I understand what you said about your vows. I would have tried to move heaven and earth for her if she asked. I stayed with her through illness and paid most of the bills and never said anything. Honestly, she still hasn’t given me the real reason other than she is unhappy. She told me once I sign the papers, we can talk about it. I did request counseling for our marriage but she wouldn’t attempt. It is very much a roller coaster of emotions. I would encourage you to see a therapist or counselor for yourself. At first I was worried what others would think, but if this is still bothering you all the more reason to try. My counselor has helped me understand number eleven, build my self confidence, and help me become a stronger person. I was very passive as a husband because I didn’t want to argue even when I knew there were issues. She wouldn’t let me talk to longtime friends, be on Facebook, or change jobs. Looking back, I realized that I deserve better. You do too. I know you are hurt, but you deserve to be loved and appreciated. As for being thirty, don’t worry. I didn’t even get married until thirty, lol. M
Ann
Funny thing is I announced we should get divorced. We were so miserable, that I thought he would be relieved. But he is angry. He has a new life. He wants nothing to do with me. I am to blame for the years of misery. He transports the children. He will stay at house on Friday eve if I want to go out. That is it. Last week he emailed two of my siblings and told them all the misery I caused throughout the whole marriage. I am in shock that he would actually do such a thing. He will not answer phone when I call. He lectures me in long emails about all that I did wrong. I am totally lost.
kris
I am 6 months into my separation and just filed the papers. I’m still in shock and very hurt. This is the greatest pain I’ve ever experienced. It’s like he just morphed into a different person. I miss him so much it hurts. He continues to try and beer my friend but i reject the demotion. Inside I know he’s an ass for the things need done both physical and mentally and emotionally etc. .still i tried to work or out yet he blames me for things that make absolutely no sense. It had helped knowing I’m not alone and hopefully the years will stop sooner than later. I’ve tried almost all of these techniques and I’m still working on it! Thanks everyone.
Yummy
I totally understand this. My ex left me for another woman while I was pregnant after a year of marriage. Talk about devastated. I know I wasn’t a good wife but to feel like trash (disposable) once again, I snapped. I took it so hard, I made HUGE and HORRIBLE mistakes during the process. 9 years of resentment surfaced and I lost it. It has been 4 1/2 years since he left and almost 3 years since the divorce was finalized. I didn’t think I would survive…but I did. I have a good job, I start class this fall. I’m doing better than even my ex thought. I’m only getting better. I really hope you find your strength, and hold on to it. This is a storm and like any storm it can get rough but it won’t last forever. You’ll be a different yet better person for it if you allow. HUGS!!
Natasha
Hi Tiffany,
I feel the same way. I have been dealing with a medical condition since the end of 2014 that had turned everything upside down. I can’t work, can’t drive, went from an outgoing person, to practically agoraphobic. My husband just left me on May 6th and blindsided me w/ divorce papers on May 16th. After looking at the papers, he had filled it out on May 9th. I couldn’t and still can’t believe it. He didn’t even try to work things out. I was willing and am still willing to do everything to keep our family together, but he is just done. I just can’t believe how someone can cut off their love after almost 8 yrs of marriage like that. And be so definite on top of it. It’s like he doesn’t even miss me. I just don’t understand. I don’t even know who he is. He swears that there is no one else, so I don’t know why he is so sure that there’s no chance for us. He out and out said he is no longer in love with me. It hurts so much. He is the love of my life, and I feel so alone. I don’t have any friends. He was my best friend, and now he’s gone.
TTastass
Hi Vaz,
I’ve only come across this now. Sadly I’m currently in the situation you were in. How are you now?
Has it gotten better?
I certainly could use some hope. BTW I’m also in the UK.
Getbackupagain
I’m just over a year in (also in uk) and elements have gotten better but some things haven’t. I’m still not over the hurt and anger yet. Don’t love him or want him back but the lies and the pain he caused still affect me now. Hope you ok. Take it one day at a time.
Getbackupagain
I should add I found out nine months in he had been cheating on me for a few months and we have children so you might recover quicker as I think it set me back a lot. X
Devastated
I just had my 3rd husband leave me – I can nearly get up in the morning and go to work. I feel like such a loser.
suzanne
I am in the same exact situation as Natasha, medical condition, can’t drive, no friends, and he has been cheating on me for 2 years and i was so stupid , I didn’t know. He pretended to work on our marriage with counceling, but was all fake so I wouldn’t file papers so he could “Have his cake and eat it too” we have property and a business that I started then gave to him while i took care of the kid, homeschool and all. i worked so hard raising the 2 most best children in the world while he was working my business for us. Now he thinks everything is his and his adultress is telling him not to help me with my medical condition and threating me with her having the best lawyer in oklahoma. I am so sick to my stomach i cant think straight, anxiety is crazy, meds not helping. I will have nothing and most likely will be living in the streets or maybe a very small bit of government help. but i dont think government help will be there for me, because i am not a minority. I am hopeless and just dont want to be around anymore.
Christy Gil
My story is a little different, My mom past away, Five month after my husband left. it was really bad for me because it was when i most needed him. but after six month from when he left. he started coming back to the house be with the kids and sleep over. then he move to his own apt. i cant talk bad about him because he pays my rent car etc, and he still sleeps with me it has pass 3 years already. when i tell him that this cant go on any more the first thing that he say is oh you seeing someone, I’m like no but this is not right. i tell him that i need to heal no more. But i dont know what else to say or do. But this is not right for me. This is the best part he say that he wants to be alone for now that time will heal us, and things could be better after that.
Kris
Omg the my childs father just broke up with me. Im a stay at home mom and honestly he broke up with me once but i thought he wasnt gonna do it again. He broke up with me before because he was not attracted to me anymore after gaining weight when i carried his child. We got back together the next day because he wants to work this out. He didnt know i started going to counseling after that because my security in the relationship is gone. Mycounselor predicted that he will do it again and leave me but i didnt quite believe her and now 5 months later he did leave me. Im so torn. How can someone just leave their partner like that. I thiughteverything was fine and out of nowhere this happened! 🙁 gonna pack things tomorrow morning and move back at my moms with my daughter.
SF
My heart is breaking…my husband of 15 years decided he no longer loves me. I can’t stop crying or function and I know I sound pathetic but I just want him back. It’s too much pain. I hate crying so much for someone who could care less about me. I just want someone to tell me it will get better.
Anita
My Husband of 20 years left me almost a month ago and I wish I could say I am better. I maybe I would have been if I keep finding out little things that caused him to abruptly walk out. Mainly his 8 month texting/emotional affair. Are we really supposed to believe there no “touching” involved? I just wish my lying soon to be ex would tell the truth and let the healing begin
Jackie Pilossoph
I’m so sorry you are going through this. It is very frustrating when you know in your gut that a physical affair took place, but the person won’t admit it. It makes you feel like you are going crazy. You are not. Listen to your gut. If you do that, you don’t really need the details. You know what’s going on and you get to decide when the healing begins. Let it begin now. The truth will eventually surface (but then again, you will have already known.) I wish you all the best.xo
Emily Jones
I can’t cope with the pain of my break up. Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can’t sleep without the sleeping pills. And to make things worse i think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?
Jackie Pilossoph
Please seek help from your physician and/or therapist regarding the addiction issue. It will become a huge problem if you don’t get help soon. I am so sorry for your pain. Just remember that you are not alone. Things will change, but you need to find the strength and courage to seek help. My prayers are with you. xo
Sandy Bay
Thanks everyone for sharing. It’s good to know that I’m not alone. My husband abandoned me a year ago. I’m starting to see it as a gift but there are still very hard days. I like the idea of knowing in my gut what happened and choosing to heal. There was so much mystery surrounding my break up. I didn’t know if he was on drugs, was having mental health issues, or seeing someone else. I could go around in circles in my mind, and I have for hours… blaming myself. I do come back to thinking that I’m better off not having someone in my life that would drop me so cruelly without any explanation. I also come back to the fact that throughout the 12 years we were together I now realize he was emotionally abusive. I look forward to falling in love again when I’m healed. I will not allow someone to treat me like that again. It has been a difficult but necessary life lesson. Love, peace and strength to all of you reading this. You got this. You’re unstoppable.
sarah
I am reading these entries and just shaking my head at how they are all so similar. I am also super heart broken. Been with him for more than 20 years, since I was 16 and he was 21. I’m now 38, we have a 20 yr old daughter and a 13 yr old son. Been married for 9 years. He left me during xmas break… He is like a stranger to me. Was my best friend for so many years. I can’t stop crying and taking pills to calm down. He has moved on and people we know tell me it is ti,e for me to move on as well. I can’t fathom it. I barely have strength to finish this post. At least we are not alone… Love to all of you
Jackie Pilossoph
Remember that you are never alone because God is always with you. Like anything in life that happens to us that we didn’t see coming/didn’t want, you will find the strength to overcome this and the courage to go on. But I can tell you from experience (and from countless others who were in your situation) you WILL be happy again someday. You will have a good, good life that you love and enjoy. I don’t know how or when, but you will. xo
Mildred
I can’t cope with the pain of my break up. Can’t eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Can’t sleep without the sleeping pills. And to make things worse I think I’m getting addicted to them. How can I make myself feel better and sleep better?
Sara Teece
I’m reading these stories in complete disbelief as the same happened to me six weeks ago. I came home from a weekend away and my husband of 8 years said he was done, didn’t love me anymore, it was over. I was completely blindsided. Never in my entire life have I felt physical and emotional pain like it. I feel like my heart is literally cracking inside my chest. I just feel so broken. Six weeks on and I feel no better. I’m just devastated.
Jackie Pilossoph
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Is there someone you can talk to? a therapist, trusted friend, etc.? It will help. Two other great coping mechanisms: faith/God/Spirituality and exercise/yoga. I know that seems little, but it really will help in the short term. Also, do you have kids? If so, get them into therapy. You are going to get through this. Be strong. xoxo
Kathy
Going on two years for me. He has asked to come home but the trust is gone.. he been with someone else so I can’t even imagine dealing with that if he came home..I don’t want any contact with him although he tries to have his cake and eat it too…not happening! I cannot wrap my head around leaving our 4 kids and acting like they will be just fine.. the lying is tremendous so I don’t believe anything he says anymore…he turned ours lives upside down and still pats himself on the back…it’s insane …it’s very hard to recover..it’s the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing before I go to bed. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever completely get over this-it was life altering…the funny thing with mine is he can’t seem to leave me alone- phone calls, texting even notes and letters…but I keep him on block and am trying to just keep busy…and I don’t answer him or give him hope because I’m done…I can’t get rid of the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach though but someday it will be gone. We will be ok.. we have to! When it first happened I was a basket case.. no eating, constant Xanax so I didn’t have to deal with the pain… I’ve come a long way but it’s still doesn’t feel real…it does get better and you will realize that your husband wasn’t “all that” believe me…
Jackie Pilossoph
You sound really strong and i wish you all the best for a continued path to peace and happiness.
Paige
Wow oh wow, reading lol this while I’m a complete basket case is actually making me feel better. I thought I was totally alone, and what my husband did was soooooooo strange, but it looks like they are all wired the same. We are obviously very different species. My husband of 14 years took a job in Nashville back in June, so we could be closer to our families. His family is in southern Illinois and my mom and sister are in the Nashville area, so this was going to be great for us! We had been in South Carolina for about 6 years. Anyway, he takes the job in June, and moves into my mom’s house until our house sells in SC and I get my daughter off to college. Well, come October 1st, our house hasn’t sold yet, but I needed to get up there to be with him (I thought) and start house hunting and looking for a job, so my mom moved down to our house in SC to keep it show-ready, and I moved into hers in Nashville with the hubby. Halloween night he comes home from work, we have a little party with my sister and nephews, trick or treat, etc for Halloween, and afterwards BOOM. He’s not in love with me anymore and admits to seeing someone else and wants a divorce. You could have blown me over with a leaf. I’m still in shock. He moved out of my mom’s house and went straight to the whore’s house that night (I have photos). I came back to SC a couple days later when I could gather my thoughts and am back in our house that’s still on the market. I’ve already filed for divorce. I pulled the phone records, and sure enough he was talking/texting/sending photos back and forth like 50-100 times a day and night. They would talk for hours on the phone when he was out of town for work. Looks like they met the week after he moved there. Why the hell did he let me even come up there?! Househunting! Job Searching! WTH is wrong with him? I can’t get over the cruelty of it all, the nonchalant way he told me, it was heartless. I did everything for him. Followed him through all his career moves. I left my 15 year job back in 2013 to go to SC with him. He said I could be a stay at home mom finally. Well now I have nothing, and he’s having a blast with his new life in Nashville. I can see our bank charges, and he’s evidently having a good old time at all the bars and honkytonks. And guess who’s here balling her eyes out, and can’t eat, sleep, function. Me. Sorry this is such. Long story. 🤦🏼♀️
Marsha
Hi Paige,
So sorry to hear you’re going through this. Your ex is trash. Some men are so self-centred, so selfish, such liars and great pretenders that they forget the world does not revolve around them and there are consequences to every action. What he did and is doing to you is foul but please keep your head up. I’m dealing with something similar and we are not alone. Self love and self care is very important right now. Your ex will get everything he deserves and more. People fail to remember that relationships that are built on lies, deceit and on the backs of someone else marriage will never be a healthy one that lasts. You will get your revenge–just live your life and pursue your own version of success. This to shall pass.
Dee
2 weeks into this. 15 years together, best friends. 36 years now. I was always the financial supporter until a year ago. -I’m now in the middle of nursing school and you can’t stop in the middle or you get kicked out of the whole 2.5 year program. Yet still supporter using my little retirement and via student loans and will have to rent out basement for now. Shocked, been going on a year too. He still is trying to say he maybe wants to work it out but can’t decide. But still is spending 95% of his time with the affair gal. Can’t eat or sleep stage. Hard to get out of bed. Crying jags. But, this post really helped. I am making a conscious effort to eat, already underweight now as was thin, but forcing myself to eat. Signed up for the local gym online. Going to try to force myself to go this week. I don’t know what’s worse in my case. All the lies, or him trying to hang on. I offered divorce last week after he said it wouldn’t work, the next day I had papers ready and then he say’s he’s not sure. But then totally ignores me haven’t seen him since the day before the affair girl posted pictures on a mutual friends facebook page. He is also trying to make me the bad guy, provoking me a tad. I think he wants me to be mad. But while my blood boils sometimes and it’s all I think about, i am kinda only using kindness. But I’m done. Done. Done. Done. That is the only thing I know. I still care about him. H-word him. Love him. Worry about him. His new gal, he had bailed out of jail a year ago. Hard drugs. And oh man, I didn’t think I was too old but she looks 20. She doesn’t have her kid right now b/c of it. It all blows my mind. Maybe he is playing hero. But ultimately, I’m done. Already started the first divorce process with the help of my sister to manage all details. I just had to sign stuff.. Not a healthy love anymore. And he broke the sacred vows. To all the gals out there going through this right now. Please know it is NOT YOUR FAULT and NOTHING you did caused this, despite what excuses he says. He may nic pic or somehow spin this to take guilt off his chest (mine is) But be broke his promises and disrespected you/u.
Maybe we should show the a$$hole just how happy we are without them – even if we have to fake it to make it, for a few years. I don’t know really, it’s so fresh. But I care about all of you who also have been hurt, fooled, abandoned, abused, deceived. You are not alone. Reach out to friends, neighbors, online chats, churches, new classes. That’s what I’m telling myself, at least trying to. Thinking a kick boxing class might help with the anger that has just settled in me today..
Know it’s okay to tell your close circle you are not okay when they ask you for the 15th time. Yes, I’m going to probably be okay but NO I am not okay right now. But thank you for checking and please don’t give up on me. That’s what I’ve told my mom and sisters.
Dee
Jane
This is rubbish. I’m sick of the phrase ‘move on’ – it should be banned from this situation. Along with ‘open your heart’ and ‘give yourself a chance.’ I guessed nearly all of what was going to be said to this lady’s post. Hobby (in this case gym and yoga), meet men ‘as friends’. I don’t need to do that as I’ve loads of friends – why would I want a so-called male friend who’s going to potentially want to go in for a kiss after a couple of dates or so. And when people say ‘it’s only a drink’ – it’s never just that otherwise, the bloke would go out with a mate, wouldn’t he? I knew this lady was going to be told she was young and therefore, will definitely end up with another bedmate or whoever. A lady at my Church – her husband died when she was 32 and she died at around 90 having never met anyone else. Another lady at the same Church unit, her husband left her and their four sons when she was in her early thirties – she’s now 80+ and never met anyone else. The simple fact is, they didn’t fall in love again. Just like my Mom – her husband/my dad, died when she was 48 and she died just nine days shy of her 91st having never fallen in love again. Because the TRUTH is, however much we as humans desire the head over heels in love thing, it DOESN’T happen for all of us. In fact, I think it doesn’t happen for most of us as I believe a lot of people are not head over heels but rather with someone for companionship or whatever. I personally, couldn’t get undressed in front of a man who I view as a companion, let alone do anything else with him. As for ‘you WILL recover’ – tell that to my neighbour next door, whose man left her 12/13 years ago and she’s not been near a bloke since as she’s never got over it. And the knowing ‘countless’ men and women who have fallen head over heels again – they ARE no doubt the type to fall in love easily anyway. I bet if whoever they’re with now left them, they be head over heels again in 6-24 months. I don’t believe you can truly fall properly in love with several people over a life time. You talk as if it’s guaranteed but it’s clearly not – if it were true then EVERYBODY everywhere would end up with another bed mate/head over heels person, wouldn’t they? I have a faith, I’ve started back at step class and jogging but it doesn’t help in the slightest that my husband announced in a marriage counselling session in 3.5 years ago that he didn’t want to be married anymore, then I find in December he’s moved his affair partner into OUR beautiful Devon lodge, and that they’ve been secretly co-habiting since 2021. Nothing helps. I pray and pray and pray and have been since 2020. There IS NO GUARANTEE that all of us definitely find peace or fall in love again.
Jane
And I’m not saying this lady won’t but I am saying it is not guaranteed.