My Spouse is Controlling - Divorced Girl Smiling

“My spouse is controlling,” is something I hear from some clients during our initial consultation. Divorcing a controlling spouse can be an incredibly tough and draining experience. Their behavior can have an impact on the divorce proceedings, making them stressful, drawn out, and emotionally taxing. Understanding how their controlling tendencies influence the process is essential so you can better prepare and navigate through this period.

Signs of a Controlling Spouse

Controlling spouses often use manipulative tactics to complicate the divorce process. For instance, they may file applications for unnecessary court hearings to delay things and drive up your legal expenses, wearing you out financially and emotionally. They might resist providing required documents or complying with court orders, causing setbacks and complications that hinder progress. They may challenge every aspect of the divorce, from dividing assets to determining child custody arrangements, leading to conflicts that prolong the process and mentally take a toll on you.

When children are part of the equation, a controlling spouse might manipulate them as tools for control or emotional manipulation. This could involve making allegations of abuse or neglect to gain an advantage in custody disputes, resulting in distressing investigations and courtroom battles. They might also try to turn your kids against you by portraying you as a bad parent, which can seriously harm your relationship with them. A controlling spouse may seek sole custody of the children, not for the children’s best interests, but rather to escalate the custody dispute, add more emotional strain, hurt you, and maintain power over you.

“My spouse is controlling” The Impact on a Divorce

Having to deal with a controlling spouse can be emotionally exhausting, making it challenging for you to make decisions throughout the divorce proceedings. The constant arguments and conflicts can leave you feeling drained and disheartened. Their coercive tactics and threats can foster an atmosphere of fear, making asserting your rights difficult. Prolonged stress and emotional manipulation may lead to anxiety, depression, and other mental health issues, complicating the divorce process further and affecting your well-being.

In divorces involving controlling spouses, finances are often weaponized. They might conceal assets or downplay their income to decrease your share in the settlement. They could delay alimony and child support payments, causing strain and pressuring you into quick settlements. They may also restrict your access to accounts or credit cards, impeding your autonomy and leaving you struggling financially for basic needs and legal expenses.

Effective communication is crucial in any divorce process, but dealing with a controlling partner can make it more challenging. Their language choices can cause confusion and stress, making it harder to reach agreements smoothly. Finding common ground can be more difficult when someone avoids conversations or uses silence to control situations.

A controlling partner may intentionally drag out the divorce process to maintain power. Tactics like postponing court dates or creating conflicts over minuscule issues prolong the proceedings. By refusing to negotiate or insisting on a trial, they increase stress and extend the ordeal.

Dealing with a controlling spouse can hinder efforts to settle. The power imbalance might lead you to agree quickly to resolve disputes. Their control over finances and information could lead to an unfair division of assets, affecting your long-term security. The emotional strain of enduring their manipulation might tempt you to accept less than you deserve, significantly impacting your future well-being.

Tips for Dealing with a Controlling Spouse During Divorce

During a divorce involving a controlling spouse, it’s essential to plan and seek support. Start by reaching out to professionals for help. A skilled divorce attorney can guide you through the complexities and safeguard your rights. Additionally, consulting with a mental health professional can offer assistance and coping strategies. Remember, you don’t have to tackle this alone. There are experts available to provide help and advice.

1. Proper documentation.

This plays a crucial role in any divorce, especially when dealing with a controlling partner. Keeping records of all interactions, financial transactions, and communications such as texts, emails, and voicemails is essential. This includes noting agreements or disagreements, financial support or lack thereof, and instances of emotional or physical abuse. This evidence can be vital in situations involving custody or financial matters. By maintaining documentation, you’ll feel empowered and prepared for any hurdles that may come your way.

2. Setting boundaries.

This is vital. Whenever possible, communicate in writing to maintain records and avoid conflicts. If your safety is at risk, take necessary steps, like obtaining a restraining order. Setting clear boundaries will help you feel more secure when dealing with a controlling partner.

3. Safeguard your finances.

Consider opening separate bank accounts and regularly checking your credit report to prevent unauthorized transactions. Limiting interactions with your spouse and keeping conversations concise and focused on essential matters can also help minimize stress and avoid conflicts.

4. Maintain your focus on long-term objectives.

This can include security and overall well-being, while steering clear of arguments. This approach can provide reassurance and help you feel less overwhelmed. Seek support from friends, family members, or support groups for comfort and practical guidance.

5. Prioritize self-care.

This can be achieved by maintaining physical and emotional health through activities that reduce stress and provide relaxation. Taking care of yourself is not a luxury. Ensuring you are in the best shape to face the challenges of divorcing a controlling spouse is crucial. Remember to take breaks, engage in activities you enjoy, and seek professional help if needed.

In summary, successfully ending a marriage with a controlling spouse involves careful planning, seeking support from others, and approaching the situation strategically. Understanding how their behavior influences the process can empower you to tackle hurdles and aim for a resolution.

Consider reaching out to professionals, mediators, or therapists who have experience dealing with controlling individuals to assist you during this transition. Always remember that you’re not alone, and resources are available to support you as you navigate this challenging journey.