Remember the old saying your grandma probably said to you? “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man as it is to fall in love with a poor man.” Is it, Grandma? If you ask any of my single 50-something friends, they’ll tell you it’s pretty hard to fall in love with anyone, no matter what their net worth is. But that’s a different article. In this article, I want to address men with no money, specifically what financial red flags to look out for. I will also explain men with no money who are good guys and keepers!
Here are 6 Men with No Money and the red flags they carry:
- The Gambler.
Lots of men like to bet on sports or go to Vegas and gamble there. No problem. Unless they are suffering financially because of these habits. Watch out. Gambling is a real addiction and I’ve seen it ruin the financial lives of many couples.
2. The non-saver.
There are some people who either never learned how to save, or they just are big spenders or they don’t know how to budget, so they end up every two weeks not saving a dime of their paycheck. I’ve even seen men who earn a large salary have almost zero savings. It’s sad and frustrating, especially to the person’s partner, who is probably working hard and saving or is a stressed stay-at-home mom. It’s a shame because it doesn’t have to be this way!
If you are with a man who has no money because he just doesn’t know how to save, try talking to him about hiring a financial coach who can help with budgeting. But beware, he may get defensive and/or angry, probably because he’s embarrassed.
3. The cheap guy.
The cheap guy might actually have a lot of money but it’s no different than dating or being with someone who has no money because he won’t spend it. How frustrating is that?! People work hard to have money to pay the bills, but what about enjoying life? Vacations, material things you want, gifts?
You could try talking to the cheap guy. Rather than calling him cheap, maybe he has anxiety about not having enough money. Maybe he was raised in a household where there were financial struggles and he feels scared to spend, or guilty. Maybe having a lot of money feels foreign to him. The best thing for this man would be therapy.
4. The guy who has to give a lot to his ex.
Are you with someone who has to give his ex-wife lifetime alimony? If so, I’m not saying you should break up, or that the relationship is doomed. It just might be harder financially for him. I remember this woman who wrote an article called “Read Your Partner’s Divorce Decree Before You Marry Him.” Apparently, she did not and she thought she was marrying an extremely wealthy man, when in reality, he was struggling. I believe she is divorced from him now.
That said, I would not tell anyone not to be with someone who has to give his ex lifetime alimony. That’s not the part that matters. That’s in the past. What matters now is figuring out what your financial life is going to look like with him, knowing that this money is allocated. If you know going in, then you can make the best possible decisions for you (and your kids if they are going to be living with you.)
5. The guy with no ambition.
This is the guy with no money that bugs me the most. The guy who comes home every night after his “9-5 job” and sits on the couch.
He’s not happy at work but he’s not unhappy. He has no desire to try to change his situation, move up in the company, or be more fulfilled. His attitude is “This is it.”
Let me say this. If it was my daughter, I’d rather have her dating an intern who is paid hourly, but who has the desire, drive and motivation to climb up the ladder at work. The guy who glowingly talks about what he’s working towards, and his love of the industry he’s working in and being paid peanuts. I LOVE this guy with no money. See the difference?
6. The guys who says “Let’s merge our money.”
I was once with someone who would say things like, “What’s mine is yours.” “What’s the difference?” The difference was that he didn’t have anything to merge. So, why would I want to go in together, bringing in my nest egg and him bringing in nothing? Not a good deal for Jackie!
I’ll say this. If you are in this situation, and if the guy has ambition and knows how to save, I’d say merging might be OK. Merging money is tricky and you really have to be careful, no matter how in love you might feel. Because ask any divorce attorney, once you merge, it’s a heck of a lot harder to get the money back should be get divorced.
Here’s the thing about men with no money. Just because a guy doesn’t have money, that doesn’t make him a bad guy. He could be making you truly happy and money might not matter to you, and maybe you are the breadwinner and it’s working for you. If that’s the case, that’s great. Happiness is always more important than money. I just want you to be practical because infatuation fades and one of the biggest relationship stressors is money—or lack of money.
In my opinion, the best romantic relationships are those where neither person is reliant on the other for money. In other words, you both have your own money and can support yourselves. Now, it’s nice to live together because you can both save a lot of money, but there’s a difference between moving in together because you can’t afford the big house yourself, and moving in together because you’re madly in love and excited to be together more.
Here are the reasons an imbalance of financial situations puts stress on a relationship:
- For the person who has the money, over time, they might start to feel resentful that they are paying for everything.
- The person who has the money might also start to develop a lack of respect for the person who has no money. This can lead to disappointment and losing interest.
- The person who has no money can become so dependent on the other person financially, and therefore has to force the relationship to work, even if there are problems because they feel like moving out/breaking up isn’t an option because of money.
Here’s the thing about both people having the ability to support themselves. Neither one of you will ever feel “stuck” in the relationship. You aren’t settling because you know you are there for the right reasons. Your feelings are authentic because you can leave anytime you want. So here’s what I want to say to Grandma: If you make your own money, then you can fall in love with whomever you want-rich or poor. That’s the easiest route!
Like this article? Check out “Respect in a Relationship: It’s Everything.”
