When Someone is Threatening Divorce - Divorced Girl Smiling

Often times in relationships when communication and respect break down, one spouse might start threatening divorce as a way to show how serious they are about needing change in the relationship. This is a very dangerous threat that can often backfire.

Divorce is not a word that should be used lightly. Here are the potential consequences of threatening divorce:

1. Once the word “divorce” is mentioned, the stakes are raised and both spouses may actually consider whether that is the best course of action (when they wouldn’t have otherwise).

2. Once a couple starts down a path of divorce, dynamics change and it is often difficult to step back and work on the marriage. However, if the couple is mediating it is far easier to reflect, step back and pause the process than if a couple is litigating.

3. If a couple proceeds with a divorce without making genuine efforts to repair the marriage, they will find that the consequences are far more impactful than they might have assumed.

Lines will be drawn with family and friends; relationships you cherished may now turn their back on you.
Your children will assume the worst, and without proper guidance from a mediated process, are likely to suffer and be negatively impacted by the divorce.
Your day-to-day priorities will be solely focused on all aspects of your divorce, anywhere from 2-3 months if mediating, or from 18-24 months if litigating.
You will face tremendous uncertainty, stress about the future, stress about your children, impact on your job and friendships.
Your monthly budget will change dramatically, as the family shifts from supporting one home to two homes.
In today’s environment, with higher interest rates and higher rental rates, a) whoever keeps the home will likely find their mortgage payment increase substantially (if they can afford it) and b) whoever leaves the home will likely be disappointed to find that they have to pay more to get less in a comparable home.
You may have to pay spousal support. You may have to pay child support. If you are not fully employed, you will have to find your own health insurance which is very costly.
You will have to divide your assets, debts, retirement accounts and personal property.
If you have children you will each become a single parent, which is one of the hardest jobs you can have.
While many people get through a divorce and thrive, some do not.

The reason I share this information is because many couples make a decision to divorce in January. It is something they may have decided before the holidays, but committed to wait to move forward on until after the holidays.

As part of my free consultation, I spend considerable time helping you to pressure test your decision to divorce, because of the importance of family and because of the above factors.

I’m a divorce mediator, but I would much rather guide you to explore all avenues to try to repair your marriage, such as understanding discernment counseling, marriage counseling and other solutions, before you seriously consider divorce.

I’m a divorce mediator, but I am not a fan of divorce, and my commitment is to provide the best guidance I can provide for you.

Relationships are hard. They take work.

Here is the interesting part: divorces are hard too. Not only the divorce process, but the commitments you must make to each other regarding how you will parent your children. Yes, even when divorcing, you have to make commitments to each other with respect to your parenting plan, and you will still be in each other’s lives as co-parents.

If you think you want a divorce, but you don’t understand fully what that means, please contact me for a free consultation. I will listen to you and help you to understand what to expect as part of a divorce in your specific situation. I have confidence that people can make good decisions if they are informed. Part of my mission is to help you be informed so you can make good decisions.

I am the founder of Michael’s Mediation, a divorce mediation practice located in Lake Forest, IL. You can reach me at (224) 544-9990 and you can read more about Michael’s Mediation at www.michaelsmediation.com.