Divorce is devastating. It’s heartbreaking, it’s gut-wrenchingly sad, and it can be really, really depressing. When people think of what divorce does to a woman (or a man), I bet they think of all the potential negative things:
1. Divorce makes a woman bitter.
2. It breaks her heart.
3. It makes someone lonely.
4. It makes someone untrustworthy.
5. It makes someone have less self-confidence.
6. It makes a person weak.
I could not disagree more!
What divorce does to a woman in my opinion is that somewhere during the journey, it empowers her, makes her stronger, and makes her a better overall person.
Here are 8 great things that can happen to a woman who goes through a divorce:
1. Divorce makes you independent.
You might not have asked for it and you might not want it, but you don’t have a choice. You are now an independent person. Being independent can be scary at first, but I don’t think it takes long to not only feel comfortable being independent, but to enjoy it, and feel proud and happy that you are making decisions, fixing things in your home, and being a parent all on your own. I absolutely LOVE my independence except for in isolated situations such as when I see a big spider or when it’s below zero and I don’t feel like taking out the trash! Independence fosters self-worth and self-love. It makes you feel great about yourself.
2. Divorce might make you go back to work.
When people get divorced, women who were stay-at-home moms are often forced to go back to work because of finances. I can tell you firsthand it was very scary. I hadn’t worked in 10 years. Getting up to speed on computer technology was probably the most frightening thing for me. But, going back to work has HUGE benefits!! Work is productive, and that brings self-esteem, self love and confidence! You will love yourself when you feel smart and productive and you see that “You still got it!” Also, getting dressed up every day and putting on makeup is the “I feel frumpy” fix. There’s something to be said for looking good for most of the day 5 days a week. Lastly, you will meet so many men and women who could become friends, and maybe even romantic interests. Nothing bad ever comes from work. It’s always good.
3. It can make you less lonely.
When I was getting divorced, people would always give me this look that was saying to me, “I feel so sorry for you.” I felt like saying, “Please don’t give me that look! I didn’t just tell you I had cancer!” In fact, if they knew how a divorced person felt, they would give me a happy look. Because, when you have been divorced for awhile, you will probably look back and say, “Wow. I was really lonely in my marriage.” I truly believe it is better to be lonely while you’re alone, than lonely if you are in a relationship. Loneliness is a terrible feeling, but you won’t be lonely forever. I promise!!
4. It can make you more creative and fun.
What divorce does to a woman is that it causes her to become a decorator and home organizer! Do you realize that you can re-decorate and re-organize your home, and make it exactly the way you want it? Pink and shabby chic and feminine. Do whatever you’d like! You’re the boss!
5. Divorce can make you more interesting, active and unafraid.
I have a friend who was married for 27 years. Her husband blindsided her and left her for another woman. She was obviously devastated. In fact, there were times I was beyond worried about her and wasn’t sure she’d be okay. Let me tell you what she has done over the past 4 years.
She has run a marathon, she’s traveled to Israel, Spain, China, and all over the US., she has joined a softball league, and she never says no to any adventure. She said she would never have done all these things if she was still married. What divorce does to a woman is open doors to people and things she wouldn’t have otherwise seen.
6. It forces you to say bu-bye to your mother in law.
For some people, never seeing their in-laws after divorce is very upsetting. To others, never having to deal with their in-laws again is a huge perk. So, obviously this only applies to people who look at never having to see their mother-in-law again as a gift. Everything that bugged you about her is ancient history! Woo hoo!
7. Divorce allows you to parent the way you want.
A lot of people I talk to tell me that they became a better parent after their divorce. First, they are able to discipline and set house rules they might not have been able to enforce when the other parent was in the home. However, remember that you can’t control what happens at your ex’s house. Also, as single parents, we appreciate our time with our children more.
Quality always wins over quantity. In other words, sure, you may see your children a less number of days throughout the year, but if you take advantage of every moment you have with them, you will be truly fulfilled, and you will continue to be a wonderful parent, even better. Talk to your kids, laugh with them, hug and kiss them, play with them. Just love them. They need you now more than ever. And you are here for them.
8. Divorce creates an opportunity to be with the right person.
Regardless of who left who, you now have a chance to get it right in love. You have a chance to have a meaningful, loving relationship with someone who is right for you. If your husband or wife left you, you will possibly realize in time that the person did you a favor. Because, who wants to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with them? Mr. or Ms. Right is out there.
Give it time and don’t try too hard. Just enjoy your life and let love come to you. I’m not saying you don’t have to make an effort to meet people (that’s a whole other article.) But don’t obsess. Do things you love and spend time with people who make you feel good and let things happen.
In closing, what divorce does to a woman in my opinion is it makes her wiser, more mature, more interesting, and more appreciative of relationships.
During your darkest times, the times when the tears don’t seem to stop, when stress seems to overwhelm you, and when sadness envelops your soul, please try to look at all these positives that divorce does for a woman!
Like this article? Check out, “20 Things I Wish I Could Have Told My Newly Separated Self”
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Graham Jackson
These things can be so difficult to see when it’s all happening to you. But there’s a certain amount of truth with what you say. The only thing that I have noticed is that you can become quite isolated to another relationship. Once bitten twice shy if you like.
I’ve been out with divorced women in their forties, and indeed their homes are very pink! Pink everywhere, on everything. Which is okay, but I got the distinct impression that they don’t want to move away into more neutral colours. Ever.
I’m probably as guilty as any divorcee, in so much that I think when forming new relationships that we are less likely to compromise at all in order for any relationship to move smoothly on. Therefore isolating ourselves still further.
Getting divorced can be liberating. For mind, body and soul. However in doing so, don’t isolate yourself from other relationships because of the past.
Victoria
Pink is a neutral! 😁
Liberated Mama
Jackie,
I love the title of this post and could add a few more advantages to the list.
The decision to leave my marriage back in 2003 wasn’t an easy one, we had two children who were 11 months and 3 years old at the time, but I wasn’t happy. The only way I knew how to get there was to leave and move forward, to liberate myself. It was a very painful decision filled with guilt, torment and sadness however it was a decision I did not regret.
I’m a happy divorced woman and proud of how my ex-husband and I work together for not only our children but each other’s families, we are very fortunate. Our collaborative relationship has enabled both of us to live a balanced and peaceful life which in turn has only benefitted our children.
Our ability to let go and move on has enabled both of us to experience the advantages being divorced has to offer:)
kegms
Thank you for writing this post. And your other posts, too! I’m a month post-divorce, a year and a few months living on my own (with my two kids). Sometimes I get impatient and can’t understand why I’m still feeling sad and angry. I want to be over it already. But I know I can’t and don’t want to rush through any of it. I want the grief to be complete, so I don’t end up carrying it into my next (awesome) relationship with a (fantastically wonderful) man. It’s nice to hear a voice other than my own that reminds me of this.
Linda Shaw
It all depends on how you look at it. But, I think getting a divorce can be liberating, especially for someone coming out of an abusive relationship, whether physical or emotional. Getting a divorce gives them the opportunity to discover a part of themselves that was lost during the years of a bitter marriage. It does take time to readjust to the single life after divorce, but if it means freedom to reclaim your life then I think it’s well worth it.
Amy Winters
I like how you mentioned that in the wrong relationship, you can feel lonely, and after a divorce, you realize that it wasn’t healthy to feel that way in a relationship. A couple of days ago, my sister told me that she was thinking about talking to a divorce attorney because of the issues between her husband and her. Thanks for helping me understand that divorce doesn’t have to be a bad thing and that it can be good for a person in an unhealthy atmosphere.
Geri Wasser
I loved the article on “What divorce does to a woman:” I am not fully divorced yet but it is in process for almost 3 years. Everything you said is so true- your articles keep me focused!! I am looking into the books now- I plan to purchase a kindle as I don’t have space for all the books I see on your site that I want to read!!. I Do you know of any social groups for divorced women over 50 who are active and love to socialize and “get out”?? I definately like to meet new people and keep busy!
Jackie Pilossoph
Awww, thank you for reaching out. I’m glad!! I wish you all the best.
Dor
I like to look at all the positives that divorce has brought. Moving, buying and selling homes, getting close to my kids and being independent are what I focus on. I felt ignored and lonely in my 28 year marriage. Three years later, I’m not ignored and sometimes lonely.
Strawberry Shortcake
I understand Divorce being a definite answer in situations of abuse. However, what became just as Liberating for Me , in my 2nd marriage -was simply giving Myself Permission to just learn to Relax. To Trust that all my needs would be met by allowing myself to just place my own & our lives together in Gods Hands. I realized I could have or do most of anything I wanted .Most everything you claim a woman can have or do-after divorce IS also possible w/in a marriage. There are still many challenges, but not so different in a divorcee. Many challenges are actually harder to deal with, being all alone, than w. a spouse. Making new friends was easier , home maintenance, car repair, etc as well. Even totally dropping a relationship w. in -laws became possible , & the more I just prayed for any relief in areas it was needed, much of it just miraculously happened . My life became Out w. the Old , In w. the New ! I became much healthier & stronger , & happier. I dn care if my spouse participated in my new approach, but he did also relax more & became much more obliging.I had been divorced once before, & I know what you mean by the womens empowerment, but This time I found a more powerful satisfaction in my life by Not divorcing & instead through just relaxing, removing myself from issues that hammered away at me previously, & by keeping the Faith. Now, when anything comes Up in my life thats negative-I just say “All IS Well” , (not WILL be -but really it IS NOW -in the Present & really IT IS , and IS again in the future & in every moment .By re-adjusting my thinking -I’ve had positive benefits & results come to me in spades ! (I also have never thought in terms of things being better if we moved away-particularly closer to our grown kids, which made me think of that as an infringement on Their lives . We are better off , keeping the Faith & a strong belief that “All Good things & People will Come to Me”., especially as we age . We really have a beautiful life & just Appreciate that & how hard we worked to get it . Not tossing the baby out with the bathwater when most Issues between us were really easily resolved so simply and w. out expense, or complication. Yes, Divorce grants Women & Men a sense of being back in Control of your lives , but perhaps all that Control is the very problem. Ease Up on yourselves ! You can still live Your Best Life , even as an old Married Lady or Man. .