When couples reach a point where they have tried counseling but their patterns keep returning, there is something that might help them be more successful: marriage intensive therapy.
It’s no secret that for a number of reasons, weekly therapy for couples doesn’t always lead to lasting relational changes.The idea that we should be able to make significant changes in our most intimate (and challenging) relationships by speaking with a trained professional for 50 minutes every week–with so much time in between that could set us back, is sadly all too often misleading, and some couple’s therapists may not like to hear this.
There are couples who can and do benefit from weekly or bi-weekly therapy together. They learn how to share their feelings, understand and empathize with their partner’s feelings, and eventually manage difficult conversations more effectively. They get “unstuck”, as therapy as an opportunity to learn and grow together.
But couples who have shown up for regular therapy sessions, maybe even weekly, and continue to repeat the same hurtful interactional patterns, often feel deeply disappointed and demoralized over time. This is one of the potential “risks” of doing couple’s therapy.
Many of these couples can benefit from a more comprehensive form of therapy: marriage intensive therapy. Marriage intensives differ from traditional therapy in that the model offers a longer duration of time in therapeutic interaction.
Some marriage intensive therapy models may be as brief as 4 hours, some are 1 day, some take place over 2 days, and some are as long as a week. Many couples travel to the intensive and stay in a nearby hotel, separating themselves from the distractions in everyday life.
What specifically is marriage intensive therapy?
Marriage intensive therapy often involves comprehensive pre-work for the therapist and couple. Assessments and questionnaires completed by each spouse are studied and reviewed prior to the intensive. From the starting point, the therapist is prepared and has a therapeutic framework from which to work.
Once together, the longer duration of marriage intensive therapy allows the therapist to accurately frame the couple’s relationship history, the impact of their families of origin, and to identify the challenging interactional patterns that keep them stuck. During the intensive, we then build on the couple’s strengths, offering psycho-education where needed, working to unwind blockers to intimacy, and teaching skills that develop emotional capacities in each partner that are needed for a sustainable and healthy adult relationship. Skills are modeled and practiced until both are comfortable using them successfully.
After the intensive, the couple typically has a 90 min follow up with the therapist. This check in usually takes place 2-3 weeks following the intensive. The need for couple’s therapy on a weekly basis is different after the intensive. Most couples find that general maintenance sessions are helpful about once every month.
Benefits of marriage intensive therapy:
- It’s focused on solving problems and building intimacy.
- Because there are no breaks – interruptions, progress is accelerated and more likely.
- Couples can delve into the issues more deeply because there’s so much more time.
- There are fewer distractions and more focus.
- Because it’s a longer commitment and really one big block of time, couples are more likely to comply-stay through the whole thing and not stop going like they can to weekly sessions.
- It’s a neutral, non-judgmental, confident space.
- The intensive equips couples with tools and strategies to stay on track.
- Because there are fewer distractions, the therapist can be more effective.
The cost for marriage intensive therapy varies, depending on the duration of the session. When thinking about the cost of an intensive, consider the pre-work necessary for the therapist to be structured, insightful, and effective, as well as the benefit of consecutive, non-interrupted time in therapy. Marriage intensives can offer months’ worth of therapy in a very brief, concentrated time. The outcomes have been highly positive.
I am here if you’d like to set up a consultation to learn more.
