“I’m such a good person. Why do bad things happen to me?” asked my friend. Even though we were on the phone, I could feel the tears welling in her eyes.
She went on, “Don’t answer the question right now, just think about it.”
So, I decided to answer her question in this article, and address a few other things we talked about because I think they are so important in living a happy, healthy life.
The first thing I did was ask Google “Why do bad things happen to good people” and here’s what AI says: AI breaks it down into two possible categories for reasons:
- Philosophical and psychological: randomness, the evilness in the world, opportunity for growth and resilience, nature.
- Religious: God’s plan, testing of faith, sanctification (growing spiritually), demonstration of God’s power.
“Why is God doing this to me?” is a question I asked myself my whole life. I asked it after bad dates when I desperately wanted to get married, I asked it when I was getting divorced. I asked it every time something really bad was happening to me, including financial troubles, a bad breakup, issues with my kids, loneliness and more. I also asked “Why is God doing this?” when my dad died, when a dear friend passed, and when my friend’s baby died at 11 months.
The past several years, with age and wisdom I have come to realize something. I never asked “Why is God doing this to me?” during the good and blissful times. The time when I did get married, the times when I gave birth to a healthy child (twice,) The times I was so over-the-moon blissful with my kids, when I got my dog, when I became successful in business, and when I started dating the love of my life. There are too many examples to write down and if you think about it, there are a heck of a lot more good things that happen every minute of every day than there are bad things.
What I’ve realized is, God doesn’t do the bad things to people. I believe the bad things are philosophical and God shows up for us when we’re struggling, grieving, and in pain over the bad thing.
Think about it. Why would God do anything bad to you when He loves you? He wouldn’t.
God is there to stand by your side while you’re absorbing it, crying, coping, and feeling angry and/or hopeless. God is also there when you’re picking up the pieces, accepting, and feeling hopeful and empowered. If you look up at the sky and ask God to help your pain, I believe he is listening. If you look up at the sky and you thank God for good things, I believe he is listening. Maybe we should all ask ourselves if we only look up when things are bad.
I also want to say that bad things happen to everyone, not just good people. So, if you think your evil ex has this amazing life and nothing bad ever happens to him or her, think again. It does. You just aren’t there to see it and he/she would never tell you.
“There’s not a lot of goodness and kindness.”
The next thing I want to address is that my friend said, “I feel like there’s not a lot of goodness and kindness.” Did she mean in the world? Did she mean around her? Because there’s a big difference. I do believe there is an abundance of goodness and kindness in this world, so much more than there is evil. The question is, do you surround yourself with goodness and kindness?
Surrounding yourself with goodness and kindness is a choice. It’s a conscious choice. Your romantic partner–how does he or she treat you? Do you feel kindness and goodness? If not, maybe he’s not right for you. Your friends. Do you get home from a night out with them and feel happy and good about yourself and how you just spent the last 3 hours? Or do you feel like they are mean girls who gossip and make you feel badly about yourself?
My point is, the choice is yours: hang around people who emit goodness and kindness, or hang around negative people. Date the guys who make you feel amazing about yourself or date the guys who cause you to have really low self-esteem. I’ve dated both and let me tell you, being with someone who lifts me up every minute of every day, who is supportive of me, and who shows respect and appreciation for me is a game changer. Being with a self-esteem zapper usually doesn’t lead to anything good.
Expectations of others
I want to address one more thing my friend and I talked about, which was expectations of other people. So there are certain people you are forced to be around, regardless of how they make you feel. They’re called family. You’re stuck with them. That could be a great, great thing (which it is in my case) or it could feel like a nightmare, at times. Although, I’m not counting a wife or a husband as family because you have the option of divorcing that person. You can’t divorce your parents or siblings.
“He should be thanking you profusely!” I said to my friend, in regards to her divorced son, who is living with her (and not contributing financially), whose kids she babysits, who does nothing to help around the house, and who isn’t very kind to her.
“I’m trying to stop saying what people ‘should’ do,” she replied.
Hearing this response was like a lightening bolt for me because I realized how right she is. We all know what we would do in a certain situation. For example, if I had to move back in with my mom right now for financial reasons, I would be bending over backwards to help with shopping, cleaning, etc., and you better believe I’d be kind to her. But what I would do is different than what others do and we can’t control others, and it’s not for us to judge. Guess who is judging? God. He is the only one allowed to judge.
My advice (really my friend’s advice) is focus on yourself. Focus on the goodness and kindness you bring to the world. Focus on your relationship with God. Focus on what you can control, not what you can’t. Try to have as much gratitude as you can when good things happen. Take a minute every day (or more) to reflect all the good you have in your life. As for the bad, unfortunately, bad things do happen to people. But God is here for you, and you are here for you. And good and kindness are at your finger tips if you know where to look for them. You’re a lot stronger and a lot more loved than you think.
Like this article? Check out “Stop Shaming Yourself and Stop Apologizing, and Other Things Every Divorced Woman Should Stop Doing”
