Jackie, I am approaching 50, and just over one year separated from my husband. As I look forward and begin to think about the possibility of future relationships, I can see that dating after 50 might be difficult.
I notice that lots of people who were married for maybe 10 years or less seem to say…we got married early, found out it didn’t work, and then had a second marriage and have found long term, happiness with their next partner/spouse. What I also notice is that I don’t seem to hear any/as many happy stories about people (like me) who were married 20-25 years, got a divorce, and then found happiness/ marriage, etc again.
It seems to me that lots of middle aged women get divorced and stay single. I might just be feeling sorry for myself but it seems to me that a 50ish woman is somewhere in no-man’s land for a future relationship. I may be generalizing but do you see the same thing?
Let’s face it. Men our ago want to meet someone younger. Younger guys aren’t a great fit. And, older men have interest but that isn’t really fair either. Maybe fair isn’t the right word. I would like to know your thoughts on the likelihood of 50 year old women finding a second life partner. Especially one in the same age bracket.
My Dating after 50 advice:
I have a few things to say about your email. The first is in regards to no-man’s land. I have always believed that 50’s is in fact, no-man’s land, whether you are single, married, divorced or widowed, the reason being that you aren’t really young anymore, but you aren’t old either.
I have had some issues while shopping for clothes in recent years, because all the clothing out there either seems too young or too old for me. Perhaps this same attitude applies when it comes to dating.
If in your 40’s, it seems OK to me to date guys in their 30’s, 40’s or 50’s. But 50 is a different story. Guys in their 30’s are definitely out, guys in the 40’s might work, but they might want women in their 30’s or 40’s, guys in their 50’s definitely want girls in their 30’s or 40’s, and guys in their 60’s are just too old. (no offense.)
So, what to do in dating after 50?
Get ready. I know this isn’t easy, but here goes. My advice is: go for just being myself and if someone wants to date you, great, and if they think you’re too old, then so be it. That’s their problem.
I think that dating after 50 is all about believing you have a lot to offer someone, which you do. Are you perfect? No. Are you kind of old? Yep. But that’s what makes you beautiful and smart and interesting and wise. You are you and all you can do is live your best life.
Also, consider a wide age range when dating after 50. I think as people get older, age matters less. So, not only does a large age range, (let’s say 42-60 perhaps?) increase the number of potential men for you, but I think you will see that age is only a number, unlike it was, say if you were 30, dating a 20 year old.
The thing that bothered me most about your email is this part:
What I also notice is that I don’t seem to hear any/as many happy stories about people (like me) who were married 20-25 years, got divorced, and then found happiness/ marriage, etc again.
You write: “found happiness/marriage etc. again.” The slash between happiness and marriage clearly indicates that you equate happiness and marriage, and that’s something I definitely don’t do. I equate happiness with: children, family, career, fun and surrounding myself with people I love and enjoy, whether that involves romantic love or not.
My bottom line is, I just want to be happy. I don’t have to be married for that to happen. I might like to be married again (I think) but anyone who reads this article should know by now that I don’t feel marriage brings happiness unless you wait for the right person and/or the right time.
The last thing I will tell you to do is to slow down and don’t panic. Separated for one year is a very short time. Work on continuing to heal and spending time around people you enjoy and thing you love doing. Go on dates, but don’t put pressure on yourself that you have to find the one. Don’t force the serious relationship. Let it just happen. Enjoy the journey and embrace it. And of course, always keep praying. He is listening. I hope that helps!
Like this article? Check out “10 Movies Every Divorced Woman Over 50 Should See”
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Michael C. Craven
Thank you for your article. I found this interesting.
-Michael C. Craven, Chicago Divorce Attorney
http://www.divorcelawyerschicago.org/
darmok
I enjoyed your article too for many reasons. I left my wife after 25 years of marriage and 30 of being together. I could think of many reason but I had lost happiness a long time ago and tried to hold on. I didn’t tell her what I was feeling for so many years and just felt it was my duty to be a good husband, father, and christian, don’t worry about how I felt. Eventually I asked for a divorce and it devastated my wife. Choosing between making everyone else happy or yourself, including God, was a huge decision for me, I decided I needed to be happy. I am 58 and thought about living my remaining years up happy and just could not bare the thoght. A lot of people have their opinion on what I did and I am sure some, if not most, think I am a monster for doing this after so many years. I do have some guilt, guilt, for not letting my ex-wife know what I was thinking or what I was feeling. I do not think it would have made a difference bhe will never believe that. Anyway, I hope this is not true, women over 50 divorced never finding happiness again. I loved your statement of marriage not making you happy. I know it will take my ex years to get over our divorce, but I do wish her the best, sometimes more than what I wish for myself. I keep hearing people say it is easier for men to get over a divorce than women, hopefully not too true. I wish my ex would read your blog. We can talk sometimes but often it goes back to what I did to her and that is not a good place to be, ever. Thanks
Susan
You’re a self-centered jerk. I agree with Nancy. You should have left your wife years ago so she could have found someone deserving of her. Men like you make me sick to my stomach. I hope you reap what you’ve sown.
Will E. Maykit
@Susan – Rather than calling people names (a real sign of maturity), can you offer what (in your opinion) he should have done given his being unhappy for such a long time? Or is that asking too much from such an emo personality?
DanP
I disagree. Men like him are trained from birth to grit it out for the kids, to meet their responsibilities and to set aside their feelings to do their duty. Lots of these men finally break in their 50’s. They enter the F-YOU fifties and are prepared to let everyone else judgments of them go because doing what was expected of them was killing them and likely there was no gratitude for their sacrifices.
Terri
I agree with you. I believe he was trying to protect his ex and their kids from the pain a divorce causes. He just couldn’t live a lie anymore, and wanted out. His ex will be fine… everything happens for a reason!! God has a plan for all of us. It’s not up to us how our lives play out, so don’t waste time being miserable. I was married for 23 yearsand was very much committed to my ex. He blind-sided me one day accusing me of infidelity, and all kinds of things that I never did. It took me a long time to realize that he was actually the one doing all those things!! It didn’t matter how many years we were married, the pain is still going to be there because when you said your vows, you thought you were going to be together forever.
Tim
So Susan, if you were unhappy in a marriage would continue to suffer or rather part your ways as maybe friends than enemies? I’m sure a lot of women, unhappy in their marriage no matter the circumstances it was better to leave than be miserable? Or cheat? Either one committing adultery is wrong.
Wayne L Owens
Are you serious. Women do this crap all the time. In fact 80% of divorce is filed by women. Very often because they say it was just because they were unhappy.
JoMama
But do you stop for a moment to wonder why they aren’t happy? No, of course you don’t. Women may file for the divorces, but at least they’re not like the men who just abandon women and take up housekeeping with someone else…whom they conveniently can’t carry because, well they’re already married. Men like having their cake and eating it. Selfish and unfair. If the woman didn’t file, she’d be in limbo her entire life because of some selfish narcissist of a husband who won’t let her go nor take responsibility for how they ruined the marriage to begin with!
Priya Jay
Namaste. Your Divorce Journey is yours alone to take. If this woman was dragging you down, you owed it to yourself to begin your Eat, Pray, Love Journey.
So glad you chose the right path, just as so many women have when their male counterparts began to become a burden on their paths to self-realization.
Eileen
To darmok, from April 7, 2015. It sounds like you and your wife were emotionally, worlds apart. Did she not pick up on your unhappiness? Part of being in a relationship is both partners being aware of each other’s feelings and helping with mutual communication. If you had kids and waited till they grew up to leave that seems like a better idea than leaving your wife with a household of young children. If you did not have kids it seems somewhat of a waste of time to have stayed so long without discussing your feelings; either way, your marriage sounds like it was emotionally blocked, you both were not communicating honestly.
Laurie P
I am a 56 year old woman who found out my husband has been having an affair for the past year with a woman who works for him. For the most part we had a happy, loving relationship and I never suspected he was cheating. He wouldn’t give me any explanation for his actions and wouldn’t give up the relationship so I had no choice but to divorce him. He recently told me he decided he wanted a different life even though we were happy. How does a person recover from that type of betrayal?
JoMama
You left the woman, so why are you torturing her? MOVE ON! Let her find her own way. The last thing she needs is a narcisistic AHOLE like you pretending to be her friend. Do you know what her problem is? YOU! You don’t want her, but you don’t want anyone else to have her, either. So you keep on hanging on. You don’t really care about her, why don’t you just effing admit it?!” She is better off without you
nancy
darmok, you would have done your wife a ig favour had you left her many years before you did. that way, you would have given her the gift of the chance to find real love in an honest relationship and you as well could have gone on with your life.
LaLaverneLa
you would have done yourself and your wife a favor if you had spoken with her about your feelings. You did a large disservice to your relationship by just walking out with no reason other than you are not “happy”, before leaving you could have undergone counselling either on your own or as a couple. You dont mention if you have children and how they feel about what you have done, or if you still have a relationship with them. You were exceptionally selfish and i suspect you may have other issues at play. I wonder if you are any “happier” now being on your own? or if you just enjoy not having any responsibiities to anyone else? What you did was a callous cop out and the karma bus will kick you in the ass sooner or later.
Topp Hogg
You can tell a woman your feelings, and she will still tell you that your feelings are wrong. You aren’t allowed as a man to have feelings, especially not where a woman is concerned. You aren’t allowed to criticize any aspect of your relationship with her, because men are always wrong.
There is no way for a man to win The Mating Game, except to not play at all.
Wayne
Speaking to your wife about your feeling. Hmm, It would be better to shove a fork in your own eye and dig your brains out. You will either be told you or wrong or that you did not speak it the way she wanted you to or have to endure hours of crying and fighting and being told it is your fault. No thanks.
Joe Anybody
This is tough.
Sherrie lee Cormier
Im a 50 yr old Private Home care worker for the last 6 plus years love my job.I have Older children and 4 rescue cats. I work long hard hours with little time to socialize so Im looking for someone who wont waste my time . I love adventures and travel and the simple picnics in the back yatrd..im passionate and can cook and make blanket forts to read stories im fun and loyal and nuturing and Ive so much love left to give to someone with ambition and drive for a future together ..Im saving my last first kiss just for him!
Jeff
I’m a man , 53 , my 23 year marriage ended in 2010. Women my age have so much more to offer . Most have a real sense of who they are and what they want in a relationship . They’re open and dedicated to the making this next part of their lives really amazing! They come to life .. revel in the freedom that comes with being single with so much waiting to be discovered.
Some men are genuinely drawn to a younger woman’s energy but from what i’ve seen most are looking for an ego boost.
To all you women who might be wondering what this next stage holds… go out there and enjoy life , your radiance will be more than enough to attract real men.
Jackie Pilossoph
I LOVE you!! This is so wonderful for women to hear because most of them don’t believe this. Thank you!
Darlene Garcia
Thank you, Jeff. I am a 57 year old woman and have found what you’ve said to be true of very sensitive and,self-aware men. I do wish there were more of them. Either way, this new sense of confidence, energy, and freedom I have felt since my own divorce, has been amazing. I doubt that my ex and his new younger wife could be as happy and fulfilled as I am now! I wish you the best, and hold you find a wonderful mid-life women for yourself! You are obviously a gem!
Tammy Kovach
My husband of 28 years recently left me. He tried to say it was because I am moody but I am happy and easy going. I never get stresse, sad or angry and absolutely never yell at anyone. I found out two weeks ago he is having an affair with a nurse’s aide from the nursing home where his mother was a resident until she passed in December. I am still trying to process this. 6 years ago he did also went to stay with his sister and had an affair with an old friend from high school. She ended it and he begged to come home. I let him and now here we are again. The thought of being single terrifies me. I am in decent shape and average looks but feel like a duck out of water. I still have a divorce ahead of me but would like to keep busy so I don’t miss our old life or him. Not sure what to do but go to the gym and meet girlfriends occasionally. Also spend time with our 21 year old twins when they are not busy with work or school. I don’t want them worrying about me.
Jackie Pilossoph
I am so sorry that you are going through this. A couple things. Don’t ever say your looks are “average” or that you are “decent.” You will find that over 50, everyone is semi-old and out of shape, but we do the best with what we have, and the focus is on health, how you feel-your energy, how you live your life, inner beauty, and being happy.You are going to do great. Your self-description of “happy, easy going, not stressed and never yell” is wonderful! Stay that way! Take one day at a time. xo
Cindy
My husband and I have not been in a marriage for over 20 years. I could not fix it and we live together until he is out of law school (his way or nothing). I am finally dating since I have forgiven and moved on emotionally. It is tough out there and I some how am meeting angry men who are not the least emotionally available. It has been depressing meeting men who are so angry about the world, from being underemployed, angry at the women they meet and generally unpleasant. Sometimes when I explain that I work, have activities that I engage in and still have children in my home they are mad at me. I thought men wanted a woman who has her own money and life. I don’t understand dating men at 50.
Wayne
Cindy, do not buy into the lie that men want women with their own money etc. I mean if you do that is fine and more power to you. But the simple easy truth is men do not care one iota about your resources or the lack of them. Now i am speaking generally with a wide brush. Some men do. Most men do not. It is normally women that care about resources. I mean think about it. How many times have you ever heard of a successful business woman that earns a good living say she was going to marry a single man that is a cashier at Walmart or a waiter at the local Denny’s. It does not for the most part happen. Women won’t men that earn more than them. And yes, there are a lot of angry men out there. The reason, because Good men are being left and divorced every single day. I am not saying that some of those men being divorced are not bad because some of them are. For the most part, it is good men that are doing what they are supposed to do that are being left. This is large part is because women have bought into feminist BS Men do not want to date other men. And women in western society are told to not be submissive. And if you find a man that is submissive you won’t stay with him if you give him the time of day at all. Women are also being told that they have to act and behave like women. Men are naturally fixers. That is who we are. You tell us a problem, we give a solutions. The common garbage being handed out these days is women telling men, don’t listen and give me a solution. Just listen. Well, that is what women do. Not men. If a woman wants someone to just listen, then tell a sister or another woman. If you share it with your husband expect advice on how to fix it. Then be ready to do what he advices or stop bringing it up. there is a stupid video on Youtube called it is not about the nail. It stupid because in the video the woman has a nail stuck in her forehead causing pain and discomfort. She is bringing up the pain and irritation caused by the nail in her forehead and getting upset at her husband because every time they talk about it he offers a solution and this angers her. And it is stupid because it is about the nail. For Pete’s sake, if you have a problem and you bring it to the man, he is going to offer a solution. And the problem is that women expect men to be like them and just listen. This is very controlling. Let him be him. Men are tired of the crud. And that is why men are opting out of western women. Many of us are looking to women from Asia that still have traditional values. I hear women say all the time, There are no more traditional men. I got news for everyone. We are here. What is not here is traditional women. So why should a man be traditional for a non traditional woman.
BillyG
I am totally stumped, Im 55yo guy seeking lady 50 to 60, why are women even picky at this age ??
Been there
“why are women even picky at this age ??” That says it all about why you can’t get a woman interested in you, no one wants a man who has such contempt for them. What do you bring to the table? Did you even consider the unlucky women who’ve been subjected to your bad attitude have to be getting something out of it?
Mature women are established and independent, just because they’re over 50 doesn’t mean they are going to put up with someone who will mistreat them, if anything they have even less of a need for men now they’re done with babies.
Jackie Pilossoph
I couldn’t agree more!
Debra Freeman
I couldn’t agree more, myself. I am a lot more selective now than I was in my 20’s, 30’s and 40’s, I must say. You live and you learn and you know what you don’t want and you know what you do want. And I’m not desperate in the least. I may not be young but in my mind I’m young, and I have a hell of alot more to give now than I did in my younger years. Not settling for scraps. Just saying. Lol.
Jackie Pilossoph
You go girl. You sound amazing. You will never be desperate because you know how to enjoy being alone (not that you will be forever), which is empowering!
Maria NK
I am way more picky in my 50s then I was in my 20s. There was not much to loose back then. After I have built the life I love, based on my values, making my own decisions – it has to be someone really special to make it worth to change it again. Most women in their 50s don’t just want anybody, and many men are confused about that. We are picky, because we can do better, with or without a man.
Jackie Pilossoph
you are right!
Wayne
Statistically they do not do better. They end up impoverished and very lonely. There are exceptions of course. But you do your readers a extreme disservice by not telling the truth.
Between 1967 and 1984, National Longitudinal Surveys data showed that approximately 44 percent of women fell into poverty after a divorce.26) Divorcing or separating mothers are 2.83 times more likely to be in poverty than those who remain married.27) Following a divorce, women are more likely to be impoverished than men. Women whose family income was below the national median and mothers who were not in the workforce before the divorce are very likely to experience poverty following their divorce.28)
Economically, women suffer more from divorce than men.-Mariapedia
The truth is a large portion of women will live out their lives lonely. And if you are age 50, you are going to have real trouble finding anything more than a bed buddy. Now i am not saying that some women will be fine with being alone. But the facts are, dang near most will be lonely. And lets face it. Men do not want all the emotional turmoil that will come with a 50 year old divorced woman. And then there is the physical part. Men do not want old ladies. So ladies, stop expecting your men to be like women. Quit trying to change them. Be traditional. Be submissive and loving. You will be happy and your man will stay with you if you do not pull the feminist crap and end your marriage.
JoMama
and why not be picky? Don’t be a spider waiting around for whatever falls into your net.
Been there
In spite of the rhetoric about older women being unlucky in love the feedback Ive been getting from women over 50 its the women who reject the men, not that the single men over 50 are necassarily catches, however I dont see good men suddenly going bad due to age or divorce, I tend to think they were bad the whole time and now they’re just nastier and more vocal, it’s like age has revealed what was always there, the gloves might be off but so are the masks.
Many divorced women are once bitten when it comes to entering into another long term commitment, they found they’d been saddled with a lot of the work when they were married and being single again was a relief, they use the time between empty nest (spare time and money) and menopause (which can be rocky for some women) as an opportunity to find who they are and what they want out of life having spent so many years subverting that part of themselves to care for others (which a lot of men expect women to do throughout their liferime and call them “selfish” if they dare to have autonomy), it’s a brief window and you should grab it with both hands. A holiday fling might not be a bad idea either if the opportunity comes up, other than that something to get back in touch with your sensual side like pole dance classes or some other cheesy sounding women centred classes, they can be a lot of fun.
That being said if you enjoyed being married and are keen to do it again as long as you’re social and mixing with people on the same level as you (not online dating or the singles scene, they’re both cespits) I can see no reason why you wouldn’t meet some great guys who are also looking for the same thing. The field is a little thinner due to people going out less as they get older and diversified interests (at 50 a Saturday night at the club isn’t really something that appeals like it did in your 20-30s) but you might ght be surprised just how much interest their is and who from. I wouldn’t rule out younger men either, as long as the age difference isnt uncomfortably obvious and your bith have the same goals lots make great husbands.
Anna
Thank you so much Been There for this kind and encouraging comment. I am recently divorced, a woman of 52 and feeling discouraged. I thought the online dating sites would be fruitful but they are not. I am amazed at how many first dates try to grope me…..? I can’t believe how uncivil people are in these times. As much as I was hurt by my marriage I guess I still believe Prince Charming is out there…haha. Anyway, your words gave me some hope. Thanks so much for writing them.
Marie
My mother is almost 60. She’s been single for about 8 years now. I know it’s because she’s nervous about dating (also, my brother and I try not to be SO protective of her…As hard as that is), but I know she’s lonely. It breaks my heart knowing that I can’t do anything about it. Any advice on how to cure the loneliness? She keeps very busy, but it isn’t enough. I just want to help her, but I don’t know how.
Byron
“…I just want to be happy. I don’t have to be married for that to happen.” And there’s the key – or maybe the challenge to all of us?
In the few months since my divorce was final, I’ve been more open to meeting some of the (single) women I see frequently. I’m not dating mind you, I’m not ready for that. But being social, enjoying some conversation, getting to know new people, … It’s kind of therapeutic. I’m 52. They range in age from 34 to 53. They all have a story, some have a lot of baggage they carry around – just like I do. And I do even find a couple of them “attractive.” But not in any physical sense, or having anything to do with their age. They laugh. They’re funny. They’re confident. They don’t need anyone to “rescue” them.
I’m attracted to them because THEY’RE … JUST … HAPPY.
They’re not happy BECAUSE they go to the gym, or BECAUSE they started a new hobby, BECAUSE they found a great new job, and certainly not BECAUSE of anything to do with my presence in their lives. They’re happy because, regardless of how it is that they’ve landed where they are, or what they’re doing at the moment, they take it all in stride and find a way to make the best of it. They have this, and everyone around them eventually knows it.
On the other hand, there are the sad ones. Woe is me. The “wish I could find a guy” ones. Those whose biological clocks tick so loudly that you get headaches listening. While I feel bad for them, I have a feeling that I know now why things aren’t happening the way they’d like? I was married to one of those, and I realize now that most of the women I dated prior to that had an air of desperation around them as well. Never again.
Don’t focus on your age. Focus on yourself. BE yourself. Learn to be the master (or mistress) of your own happiness. No, it may not help YOU find that special someone, but it might help THEM find you!
PA Brook
I found out quickly after being divorced in my mid 50s both from myself and from the women I dated. Things are different at this age. When we are first timers, we all have the same goal. Career, get married, buy a house, have rug rats. There are a LOT of people available who have the same goal. I know I fell in love quickly and easily back then. I’m not saying it was easy to find the right person, just easier. That person is the “Who” in our life.
Now something else has creeped into the equation. We have been free for a while, have our own life which is important and now we want to find someone. Preferably to fit into our lifestyle. That’s the rub. That lifestyle at this age is much more important to us than when we were first hunting for happiness in our 20s. Not only do we need to find the right person (the “Who”), we need to find someone who has the same desires in a relationship. It’s the “What” in our life.
The What is the type of relationship you want. It includes what you do, how often you see each other, or if you like to do the same things. Do you stay at home or go out? Do you go to the movies or go dancing? Do you hang out with each other when you are doing nothing? Does one want to play scrabble while the other is glued to HGTV? You get the point. A critical aspect of the What is how often you each want to see the other. Not how often you see each other, how often you want to. The difference is huge.
I have met many Whos but only a few compatible Whats. Finding the right combination has proved daunting. But it is doable if you understand and recognize the difference.
One final thought. If you have a list of Must Haves (thank you eHarmony), make sure they really matter. Most of them are Must Haves because you don’t have a Who. Think about what is really important to you. And be open to new ways of doing things. Good luck! http://bit.ly/2bHSitu
Louis cypher
Most men who divorce trade in their wives/long term partner do so because they met someone else who they fancy more because the new woman is better looking/ in better shape/ doesnt moan as much/is a breadth of fresh air/or a no of other things. Go Figure
Tina
I am women that is 55 years of age. I love the positivity of this blog. Be your own special self is the best advice I have ever received. I would love to meet a man who fits in my life, but if that doesn’t happen I am good. Just give yourself time to heal, don’t jump into another relationship because you can’t be alone. Do what makes you happy, your soul will appreciate this.
Peter
wait.. I’m a 50 yo male but you say looking for a 40something is not cool. Yet you say you’re 50 and 60YO male is not cool? Double standard?
I think +/- 10 years is fine. If you don’t want to date a guy in his 60s, don’t fault a guy who’s in his 50s dating someone in their 40s
Barbara
When women in their 50s say that men in their 60s are too old, it’s called a double-standard and it will backfire big time against you, ladies. Be realistic , guys in their 40s and 50s can easily date women in their 30s and 40s or even younger, that’s how the nature works because man’s prime time comes around 10 years later than the woman’s. It seems unfair but that’s the reality. You might be missing out on great guys you consider too old.
ELLEN O'DONNELL
have to disagree – I think there is no scientific evidence anywhere that says men in that a man’s prime (what does that even mean? ) is ten years later than a woman’s. that’s just silly. I’m 56, and my sexual energy and self-esteem is way better than when I was raising children. I don’t even know where a random stat like that comes from. I know the 56-year-old women who seem ancient, and 56-year-old women who seem full of life. and I know 50-year-old men who seem old, and some who seem young. Unless you can cite scientific evidence that supports your claim – think about it again. That’s quite a broad brush your stroking with. Frankly, it’s insulting to all women.
A Fity-Something Guy
I believe what Barbara meant is that a man’s prime desirability comes ten years after a woman’s, and that is because man’s status is a female primal trigger (male height is also a female primal trigger). It is why women tend to date older men when they are younger. A woman is at her peak from a desirability point of view at age 22. A man does not reach his peak desirability until around age 35 because man mature emotionally slower than women and it takes time for a man to achieve status. From those ages forward, men and women tend to decline in desirability, albeit at different rates from person to person. There is ample peer-reviewed evidence to backup this claim. As an aside, there is a recent study that claims that women reach their peak desirability at age 18 whereas men reach their peak desirability at 50 on dating apps. I do not quite buy into that one.
Like it or not, attraction, chemistry, and lust are primal; therefore, they are controlled by primal triggers. What we find attractive are signs of breeding fitness and superior genetics (being tall with broad shoulders and angular facial features-wise are signs of superior male genetics). A woman’s bust size and firmness as well as her hip-to-waist ratio are male primal triggers. The male mind is triggered to pursue when a woman’s hip size is at least 30% larger than her waist size. That is why men of all ages are drawn to women in their twenties and early thirties. Most women in this age group still have hip sizes that are 30% larger than their waists with very little belly fat (belly fat, a.k.a. visceral fat, is unhealthy fat).
The TL;DR version is that fifty-something women who are fit and have taken care of their skin have no problem attracting men of all ages. Why? Because they still exhibit good breeding fitness, even though many have gone through or are going through menopause. The same can be said about taller than average (according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the average American man is 5’9″) men who are fit and exit signs of high testosterone (broad shoulders, narrow hips, angular features, and muscularity).
Sue
ALL the articles, advertisements, headlines stuffed down our throat daily, announcing we may as well die or adopt cats at 45+ are absolute bullsh-t. It is done to sell makeup and plastic surgery. The economy runs of making women hate themselves. I tested out that little theory by joining a dating site. Now, of course I didn’t get as many messages as I might have when I was 21, I received several interests from attractive, professional men in their 40s 50s and 60s, looking for serious relationships. One was even a very attractive personal trainer! I know it is easier said than done, but please do not internaize what the media tells you.
Debra Freeman
Thank you Maria NK.
Jana
Get up and get out! It generally takes about 3 – 5 years to get over a divorce and you have to work at it. Take classes, make friends, go to church, volunteer! Make yourself someone you would want to hang out with. Learn to eat out by yourself, take walks, and go to the movies (there are a lot of people sitting alone in the theater). The secret is this: if you sign up for an activity, don’t freak out at the last minute and decide not to go. Go! if you like it, you have made a connection, if you don’t enjoy yourself, you don’t have to go back. Look at MeetUp.com and see if their are activities in your area (MeetUp is NOT a dating site).
Jayishere
I have been a freebird for nearly a year….my ex and I dated for 4 years before we (and her mother….really) decided we should get married. We were each other’s first boyfriend/girlfriend, but I wasn’t totally into her(too immature) we stayed in the dead marriage until our only son got out of college, found a job and got married(all happened about one year after graduation) 30+years after….we consciously uncoupled, and it was a breeze, amicable and civil in every respect…her lawyer was amazed and told me he had never seen anything like that before….lol….I think he was hoping to get more money out of the gig….
In retrospect….we both had expectations that were unrealistic, like hoping to change aspects of each other we didn’t like….during our dating times I had spoken clearly about my not being totally into her…..saying that I felt she was infatuated with me….she was indeed.
I liked her as a close friend, sex partner and person….but didn’t feel head over heals for her….crazyminded love….whatever that may be….I don’t know because I was never showed love by my parents, never told was loved as a kid….and I believe that’s important. I am there physically….but not emotionally….that is what made our connection an impossibility….and unhappy as hell…. I only have the joy of the amazing son we planned and committed to providing support for…. no regrets about that.
Would I want another relationship? I don’t know…..because of that limitation about emotional investment and issues with expressing sentiments of “love”….
It would be nice to connect with an educated independent minded woman who is not looking for emotional or monetary support, but just good natured non sexual company to have fun….dine out, travel, dance, whatever is available without getting demanding or needy.
But realistically….that person doesn’t exist.
Anna
It’s extremely hard for me to comprehend this last paragraph. A woman who is not looking for monetary or emotional support….is emotional support a bad thing? Is that distasteful to provide? Non-sexual company to dine out, travel and dance? So basically women who just want to be pals? This seems absurd. We are not in grammar school anymore.
Leah
Yes, no monetary, no emotional, no sex…what would the woman get out of this?
Wayne
It is called companionship. Why do you have to get something. Can you not be friends?
Amy Sponger
I’m a 51 year old female. The dating aspect is very difficult at this age, period. Also, friendships change that you had when you were part of a married couple. That in addition to kids leaving the nest have made me very lonely. No matter how busy I stay, there is an emptiness there. Many women in my situation speak about this openly.
Older men, especially that have a lot of money move on easily and go on to have second (even third) marriages/families. We can be strong, stay positive and do our best to be happy but it’s slim pickings for women over 50. Sending my ❤️ Out to all the single ladies!!
Just my point of view
I’m not sure I get all this. I’m a 53 year old male, healthy and active, and I would much rather have a 50ish lady than a younger woman. Why, connection, experience, and freedom to do things and have fun.
People change as they get older, couples drift apart or one wants to go one direction and the other stays put. It happens. I’m not divorced but I can tell you that is tough to keep a marriage together for 30 plus years. We’ve both changed and yes, people stay together because it’s easier. Doesn’t mean you don’t care or love them, it’s just that you don’t have the feeling that your emotional invested. Is that bad or is that just life, I think it’s just life. So you either stay because your good friends or you get up the willpower to take a different path. Nothing wrong with either but it it depends on you.
So yes, it’s tough out there regardless but you can find happiness, as it starts with you. If you upbeat, happy, and positive, you will have what you want. The partner is icing on the cake.
Jackie Pilossoph
Love this attitude!!
soniahorn1122
Your style is so unique in comparison to other people I’ve read
stuff from. Thanks for posting when you hav the opportunity,
Guess I will just bookmark this page.
Jay gold
As a man of any age you can go to Thailand Philippines or even the Dominican republic why date women even over 29?
Wayne
This is so true. And she will be a traditional sweet woman that has not been western feminized.
Alice Wonderland
As a 55 year old woman divorced almost 2 years I can tell you, dating is fun! I don’t go in with any expectations but I only date younger men, 27 to 39 years old. I found online dating sites to be a perfect place to meet men you wouldn’t normally run into. I’m enjoying finding myself again and have no interest in a long term relationship. My advice is to go out with friends, start a new hobby, look your best and be open minded about age. Don’t be so focused on finding Mr. Right this early out of your divorce, just Mr. Right Now.
Carmine
Most women in the old days were looking forward to meeting a good man to settle down with, which today most women have their careers and just like to sleep around with all kinds of men since they’re making a lot of money now more than ever. Most women were committed to only one man, as well as most men being committed to their women too back in the old days. A lot of changes now by the women today that are now so very independent, which they weren’t like that at all in the past. That is why so many of us good single men can’t find love at all today since Feminism is everywhere now unfortunately.
Wayne L Owens
Look to the east my brother. Philippines and such. Women that are not western feminized.
Vikki
Recently divorced after 21 years and I didn’t want it. Dating?? Holy hell! I’m not sure what to think to be honest – I will admit to being a bit sad that my ex has found happiness even if it didn’t start under the most honest of terms. My story: She was single for 7 years. Her ex-husband had an affair – they divorced. She remained single until she met her new boss – my husband. He was about her age, successful and struggling in his marriage – they became “friends”. She consoled him, he confided in her and supported her in her struggles – meanwhile I was at home desperately trying to find a way to rekindle our marriage. She texted with him on evenings, weekends, holidays – just friends of course – Work related – RIGHT!
It seems the only man she could find was one struggling in his own marriage – to someone who was willing to do whatever it took to save their marriage – but at that point, why did he need to bother working things out at home? He had this vibrant, successful (subordinate) co-worker who got to dress-up everyday, and made a good amount of money to his wife’s “stay at home income of ZERO”. His “friend” brought no burdens to their “we’re just friends” relationship – no money stress, no kids stress, nothing – why would he want to stay in a marriage and work on his part of the mess when he had her on the side saying how wonderful he was?
From what I’m hearing and often times read, the single men that are out there are the ones who left their families because they just didn’t “feel” it anymore – which by the way is not all the commitment of marriage is about – OR – they want the younger, or richer, or nurse”r,… it’s very sad and daunting to even think about trying to find a male companion – google draws a very glim picture. But I will say this:
I don’t necessarily love the idea of being alone the rest of my life (I”m 48) I’d love to have a travel partner, someone to hold hands with, someone to go to movies with, laugh at life with and hold during hard times basically someone to do LIFE with… BUT, If the only way to find a good, decent man is to take one from another family – or in any way help facilitate his leaving his family – count me single for the rest of my life.
That my ex would choose a woman like her over me AND that she would want a man who annihilate his family and choose her… they are PERFECT for each other because neither of them really understand what real LOVE and MARRIAGE is truly all about! If that’s all that’s left out there… I’ll join a singles travel club!
Having said all that – it is a very hard pill to swallow that he has the romantic love that at times, seems like a “never going to happen” for me thing!
Tim
There are single women in their 50’s? Where?
Friedrich
Don’t grow old.
I’m not being snotty.
I interview people for jobs for a living, and a classic question from my business partner is, “Is he/she an old 57 or a young 57?”
You’ll be unappealing if you’re 60 pounds overweight and don’t take care of yourself (who wants to take care of you when you’re 70 or 80, and you’ve got diabetes, had 3 heart attacks, have lots of artificial body parts and countless surgeries and need a cart to go through Wal-Mart?).
So take care of yourself physically (lose weight and get in shape). It’ll make you more attractive at 50 and exercise is also good for your spirits (stimulates endorphins in the brain). Being in shape also makes and keeps your mind sharper, reduces risk to cancer, eye problems and countless other health problems that you wouldn’t think are directly linked to obesity. I went from 246 to 206 in 3 months when my doctor told me to, without even a crash diet – I just started eating sensibly. That was in 2003, and I’ve maintained that weight, which is a healthy weight for me.
That doesn’t mean that you have to do what I do on weekends (I’m 60 and my favorite activity is whitewater kayaking with people ranging in age from 15 to 70, plus one 80-year-old), and I also play soccer and basketball (poorly), ride a bike, or ski or hike.)
Beyond getting yourself in shape (and I do think that is critical), are you acting like an old lady or old man? Are you grouchy, stagnant in your life and your career or your life and have no energy? Are you whining about the politicians and Washington ruining your life, or are you growing, learning something new every day and involved in your career and society? That’s what the good, exciting young people are doing (and although there are plenty of millennials who are not, why emulate the losers?) …
Take a look at yourself ; if you’re having trouble dating and want to, make yourself appealing.
TM
Old thread and comment, but this is 100% true! Act younger than you are. And my God, yes – lose weight, get active (which will bring about fitness) – not talking Jane Fonda videos here, just move and have some self-pride on your appearance and your attitude, and move away from the matronly look and lifestyle. You can be in your 60s and enjoy rock and roll and travel and tennis and outdoors, or you can tend your garden, prune your roses, sip your tea and put milk out for the cats. Friedrich couldn’t be more right as to what makes an older woman appealing to an older man. Be young, don’t live for your grandkids!
JoMama
If some fellow can’t accept the fact I am a grandmother, then who needs him? Some of us are family oriented, and there’s nothing wrong with that!
Chris P.
I have no idea what the heck I’m doing! Someone please give me some advice and pointers on how a 52 year old single retired Police Officer who’s on disability due to PTSD, that does not have any interest in meeting women at a bar actually meet women? I mean where do I start & how? I am grateful for any advice that someone can provide.
Respectfully,
Chris
Topp Hogg
Yes, you are in No Man Land (sic). Only a rare woman of that age wants a man.
There are many articles across the Internet where women of that age complain that men want sex, and they don’t. These want everything from a committed relationship EXCEPT sex.
What I’m about to say is presented as a serious suggestion. I have ED. As much as I want sex, it isn’t possible. I am hardly (pun not intended) alone. Lots of us ED men would love to have what these women of a certain age say they want, and we are already accustomed to not having sex. That should no longer be an issue with her.
I’ll be polite and not add more. I’ve said enough for now.
MGTOW
Here’s the real problem. Most (and note I’m not saying all I’m saying most) women are intolerable now in western society—young or older. It is incredible to me who is still in fighting shape at 52 (because I actually was a fighter) and is semi retired, how uninterested I am in dating unless it is with someone on a long vacation to Brazil or Mexico. You see here is the problem—feminism lied to you, ladies. It told you to take on the man at every avenue–and many of you drove your husbands off. It told you to go ahead and play around like men—which chemically affects women differently than men with pair bonding (science backed and feel free to look it up). It told you that you could have your career and everything else–after being run through by half the college campus. And now most of you are bombs that have already detonated. Fact is, men like me are out there—and we have walked away from the western woman. We are dating the girl 20 years younger than us who is nice to us in a third world country. And we don’t care about her not having the corner office. That is another pertinent point feminism lied to you about—how you’re career status and degrees would impress us–it doesn’t. Men aren’t there for you because the “empowered” woman is code speak for the harpy. (and I have better words believe me). We are tired of being challenged on every issue, we are tired of listening to nonsense like how women can fight just like men in the army when they don’t even have the same physical fitness standards, we are tired of the constant redirection at whatever nonsense offends you this second and we are tired of the woke phenomena which should go back to sleep. Older men have lower testosterone now. It isn’t worth our time to try to cipher out that rarity of someone who is worth it in the sea of harpies. Many of us don’t date anymore nor care too–until we go to Brazil or Mexico for four months. That’s the reason your terrain for men in your middle years is a desert. Because feminism killed the vegetation. Might want to review some MGTOW tubers—that movement is growing exponentially every year. You can thank the sisterhood for that.
Tricia Grifka
Wow. Moderators, get this crap off of here.
JoMama
Loser troll. You MGTOW men think you’re such a prize but you’re not. Get over yourself
Geedee
Bitches b cray-cray!
Embarrassed for men
Sounds like men simply want to be “serviced” by women younger than them; and can afford to pay for it by getting younger women of color to step into that role.
What an embarrassment….
Ladies, I don’t know what to tell you, but keep your heads high.
Useless and unwanted
I’ve given up on ever finding love. I’m 52 with 10 and 12 year old daughters. No one wants me and I truly wish I was dead.
JoMama
Aw, I’m sorry to see someone think that way about themselves. Sounds like you are depressed. Maybe you should consider getting some therapy to help lift yourself up? If not for you, at least for your two kids who do need you.