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26 Places And Ways To Meet Single Men and Women

Written by Jackie Pilossoph. Posted in dating, dating after divorce, Dating over 50

 

meet single men

 

 

 

 

 

I offer a lot of divorce and dating advice, largely based on questions I receive from readers. What I have found over the past couple of years is, the question I seem to get asked almost daily is: Where (or how) do I meet single men or women?

 

I’m not surprised. I think it’s human nature that we crave love and companionship. Even after broken heart (after broken heart after broken heart), we keep coming back for more. It’s a thought that makes me smile because it’s proof of people’s hopeful spirit, romantic tendencies and passion to give and receive love.

 

So, where can you meet single men and women? I’m actually going to take bars out of this post, A. because the latest reader who asked me where to meet someone said “I’m not a fan of meeting men in bars,” and B. Because I’m not either.

 

Here are 26 places and ways to meet single men and women:

 

  1. Through volunteer work.
  2. Through your dog: walks, doggie parks, pet stores
  3. At the Apple Store
  4. At fundraising events.
  5. Through your married friends.
  6. Through your single friends.
  7. On a blind date. (You must ask people you know to set you up)
  8. At a live music venue (this doesn’t count as a bar in my opinion)
  9. At professional sporting events.
  10. On-line dating sites.
  11. Social media outlets: LinkedIn, facebook, twitter, Cyber Dust
  12. At the gym.
  13. Jogging trails
  14. Car wash places
  15. Business functions
  16. Through work (some say that’s a no-no but I disagree.)
  17. Golfing
  18. Playing tennis
  19. Through business networking groups.
  20. Meetup groups
  21. Matchmaking services
  22. Running errands.
  23. Hate to say it, but it’s true: Starbucks
  24. Outdoor street festivals.
  25. Through your kids (other parents.)
  26. Through your divorce attorney or other professionals (dentist, doctor, accountant, etc.) but you have to ask!

Here are three rules I live by that I think will increase your chances to meet single men and women:

 

  1. Stop saying “no” to set ups and social events. Just say yes to everything. Your odds of meeting someone go way up when you actually leave your house!
  2. Network: Ask friends and family and acquaintances to introduce you to people. Treat meeting someone like a job.
  3. Having platonic friendships can lead to love. I can’t stand when two people go out on a date and just because there was no spark, they say good-bye forever. They are both missing out on having just another friend in life. Platonic friends can only enrich your life, and lead to a better social life which will offer you more fun and the possibility of meeting the man or woman of your dreams.

 

In closing, I want to say one more thing. I’m not saying don’t go to bars. Bars are fun and talking to people is harmless and can actually lead to friendships, as well. But, the red flag associated with bars is possible excessive drinking, which can lead to bad decisions and judgment.

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Let’s Talk About The Dad Bod

Written by Jackie Pilossoph. Posted in dating, dating after divorce, Dating over 50, Health, Over 40, single dads

 

The dad bod

Paul Rudd and Seth Rogan

 

 

 

 

 

 

Come on…you didn’t expect a divorce site not to post a blog on The Dad Bod, did you?! In this week’s Love Essentially column, published today in Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press, I write about why I like the dad bod, along with some issues I have with it.

 

Conflicted Feelings on The Dad Bod  by Jackie Pilossoph

Have you heard of the “dad bod” craze? It’s the phenomenon that resulted from an article written several weeks ago in a local newspaper by Clemson University student, Mackenzie Pearson.
“In case you haven’t noticed lately, girls are all about the dad bod,” Pearson wrote in her piece for The Odyssey. “The dad bod is a nice balance between a beer gut and working out. The dad bod says, ‘I go to the gym occasionally, but I also drink heavily on the weekends and enjoy eating eight slices of pizza at a time.’ It’s not an overweight guy, but it isn’t one with washboard abs, either.”

When I think of the dad bod, I think of Seth Rogan, Jason Segal, Adam Sandler or Paul Rudd: guys who are adorable, who like to have fun and who seem cuddly, sweet and non-intimidating, which are all great qualities.

That said, I’m a bit conflicted about the dad bod because with more muscles and less fat comes good health. So, while the dad bod seems endearing and comfortable, is it really a healthy body? Maybe, maybe not. I’m thinking Ryan Gosling, Brad Pitt and Bradley Cooper might have better cholesterol and blood pressure numbers. Just sayin’.

My big concern is 20- and 30-something guys who have the dad bod even though they aren’t dads. In my opinion, it’s too early in life for them not to be healthy and fit. Shouldn’t the dad bod be reserved for guys of an older age, say 40 or 50?

Speaking of 40 or 50, let’s talk about the countless dad bods walking around on the North Shore. What do I think of them? I have to be honest, I’m a fan for the following reasons:

1. They are less intimidating

2. They help me accept my own body

3. They aren’t obsessed with fitness and food

4. There is a certain endearing, sweet, humbleness to them

All that said, there is something the dad bod really needs to make him truly attractive: a certain amount of discipline and motivation. In other words, women want to see that their guy makes an effort to work out and eat healthy most of the time. It shows he isn’t lazy and that he cares somewhat about his appearance.

Now, the million-dollar question: Do women want to sleep with dad bod guys? Here’s what I think: (Click here to read the rest of the article, published today in Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press.)

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Dating A Divorced Dad: 5 Ways To Make Things Easier

Written by Jackie Pilossoph. Posted in blending families, dating, dating after divorce, single dads

 

dating a divorced dad

 

 

 

 

 

Dating a divorced dad is complicated. I’d also say it can make you feel sad, frustrated, infuriated and can possibly drive a person nuts, at times. Why? Because there are so many different relationships going on at the same time, and some or all can be intense and sensitive and complex. Let’s look at the dynamics:

 

  1. You and the guy. You have to ask yourself, how serious is our relationship? Am I pushing too much to be around his kids when he isn’t ready? Or, is he forcing this too much before his kids are ready? Is he afraid of his ex-wife, so is he going to try to hide the relationship? Remember that men hate conflict and the easier you make things for them, the happier they are. Not saying you should let him step on you, but rather remember that he has an ex-wife and he has to make it work for his kids. He therefore might not stick up for you as much as you’d like.

 

  1. The guy and his kids. Maybe the kids are angry with their father for leaving their mother. Or, maybe they are very dependent on him because the mom is out of the picture. Or, maybe the kids are protective of him because they don’t want to see him get hurt.

  

  1. The kids and you. Did you and the kids hit it off right away? Or was it forced? Maybe they see you as a threat to some hopes of their parents reconciling, even if that is an unrealistic possibility. Or, maybe they treats you like a friend, desperately trying to get your approval. Or, maybe they feel they can’t be nice to you because that is being disloyal to their mom.

 

  1. The ex-wife and the guy. How is their relationship? Hostile, angry and bitter? Or, are both over the divorce and friendly? Is the ex-wife with someone or alone? That could make a difference, too. Does he fear her?

 

  1. The ex-wife and you. Will she be jealous of you or be artificially sweet? Or, is she genuinely OK with it and looking to be friends with you for the benefit of her kids?

 

  1. The ex-wife and the kids. Are they close? Are they secretly making fun of you behind your back in a caddy, mean girl kind of way? Or, are the kids always trying to sell you to their mom, saying how nice you are and that dad is really happy?

 

All of these relationships have a huge impact on what happens when you are dating a divorced dad and what your relationship will be like.

 

Timing is also key. If you are the first girlfriend of a divorced dad, it might be more difficult to be accepted. You have a better chance of things going smoothly if the divorce has been final for awhile.

 

Although every relationship and situation is different, here are 5 ways that will help you to be happier dating a divorced dad:

 

  1. Don’t take things personally. If the kids are making things difficult for you, remember that is has NOTHING to do with YOU, and everything to do with their feelings. I know it isn’t easy, but try to remember that.
  2. Don’t push. Give him time. Give the kids time. Let everyone get comfortable. Let them actually come to you.
  3. Put yourself in the kids’ shoes. Try to imagine how the kids are feeling. Remember that all kids want first and foremost the love of their parents, and for their parents to love each other. Obviously the latter isn’t happening anymore, so now they just want their parents to get along. What they really do not want is for their dad to have a girlfriend. They can be insecure and want his attention. No offense but they don’t want you. That doesn’t mean they won’t come to love and fully accept you, it just means they will probably fight it at the beginning.
  4. Be supportive and understanding of your guy. I feel sorry for a divorced dad in the respect that it isn’t easy to balance kids, an ex-wife and a girlfriend. Many many women vying for his attention can get tricky and exhausting.
  5. When frustrated, ask yourself, “Does this really matter?” Let’s say you planned to sleep at your boyfriend’s place and his kids threw a fit and said “no way!” Do you end up getting angry and stomping out of there? NO! Just be nice, say you understand, go home and try again another time. Like I said before, kids need time. No need to make a big deal out of it. Sleep in your own bed and be patient.

 

I understand that you can’t wait forever for his kids to accept you. And only you can decide when to throw in the towel. But I truly believe that with time and with the right attitude, kids really come around, and you can end up having a wonderful relationship.

 

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Women Over 40: Love Thyself, Which Includes Thy Body

Written by Jackie Pilossoph. Posted in Health, Over 40

Actio926_ PBN_0663

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This blog post is dedicated to women over 40. It includes a guest post by entrepreneur, Stephanie Radkay, founder of her Los Angeles based active wear clothing line, Actio926, followed by a contest where two winners will get to go to the Actio926 website and pick something out: a gift from Stephanie!

 

I met Stephanie a few weeks ago while interviewing her for a feature piece on Actio926 in the Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. I loved her after the first two minutes of our conversation and here’s why. Stephanie loves women. She respects and admires us. She cares about us. She is rooting for us.

 

            Here was just one of the things she said to me:

 

“If someone is wearing my brand, it’s my way of giving you a hug and saying, ‘Hey, I’m here. I’m by your side. You’ve got this,’ whether it’s a your first 5K, your first Zumba class, starting a new job, or anything you want to achieve.”

 

Something Stephanie and I talked about was how we both feel women are way too tough on themselves when it comes to our bodies. We all obsess about how we wish our bodies looked younger and thinner, when in truth, most women fail to do two things:

 1. Focus on health versus appearance: Eating healthy—nourishing our bodies with vitamin rich foods and using food as medicine will not only improve overall health, chronic conditions and immune systems, but weight loss becomes a side effect. I found that if I eat healthy for a few weeks and forget about calories or weight loss, all of a sudden I look in the mirror and say, “Wow, I lost 5 pounds. How did that happen?”

2. Appreciate and celebrate our good parts: The other day I was in a strength class and my instructor says, “Jackie, look at your biceps.” Instead of saying thank you for the compliment, my gut reaction was to grab my arm fat and say, “Yea, but how do I get rid of this?” Women’s bodies are beautiful and should be celebrated. They don’t have to be perfect. They just have to be healthy and liked by you.

 

From Stephanie:

 

Activity helps the body release endorphins, which feels like a natural high. Who doesn’t want to feel high without the hangover? Activity helps move the toxins out of our system and strengthens the heart. Who doesn’t want to fend off disease? The best part about being active – it is measurable.

 

And, when it’s measurable you can watch your progress and feel good about yourself as you hit new goals.

 

I’m not talking about going out and running a marathon….I am talking about taking one class and feeling exhausted, but going back again and feeling less exhausted and building up the muscles and the endurance. Working out is for you AND it has a ripple effect.

 

It’s contagious….friends around you want in….your children want to emulate you….instead of eating all that shit and sitting around lethargically you get to have fun doing it with others which helps hold you accountable.

 

It’s the best vicious cycle around!

 

But what to wear when you are getting active? People feel even more motivated when they look put together. They feel better about themselves, take themselves more seriously and the clothing is meant to support the activity. It can pull the sweat away, support the muscles, keeping them warmer, help tuck in the muffin top, reduce the chafing, etc.  There is a purpose. And, I throw in another motivator…I add a subliminal message in my prints “move me to my core” to fire you up when you are wearing it!

 

The harder you work towards your goal, the more important it becomes emotionally to strive harder toward that goal and push forward. The awesome side effect is looking better on the outside and getting healthier on the inside. Unfortunately as we get older, genetics play a role, too. In other words, I am a marathon runner, but I have cellulite. It’s a fact but it doesn’t stop me from wearing shorts because that is what I am comfortable in when I run. I am okay with it because I know I work hard and I love the results I CAN create.

 

What Stephanie and I want to know is: What do you like about your body and why?

 

Answer this question in 3-4 sentences in the comment section of this blog post. After one week, Stephanie will pick her favorite two answers. These two winners will get to go on her website, www.actio926.com and choose something!

 

Why did I pick this question? Because I want women over 40 to celebrate and appreciate your bodies! Focus on what you have and on your health-not your flaws or magazines with air-brushed models or what you think men will think of you. Relationships over 40 are so much more emotionally based. In other words, there’s so much more acceptance, and a much larger focus on inner-beauty. Men and women over 40 love on a deeper level, in my opinion. It’s really quite beautiful. Don’t get me wrong, bodies still matter, but ask any guy over 40 if he prefers a killer body on a woman or someone who is loving, sweet and warm.

 

One last kicker I’ll leave you with: I once read an article that said men see women 10 pounds thinner than women see themselves. So there, you just lost 10 pounds!

 

Enter the contest now by answering the question in the comment section below! Stephanie will choose 2 winners, who get to go to her website, www.actio926.com and pick something out!

 

Blending Families: The Brady Bunch Made it Look Easy

Written by Jackie Pilossoph. Posted in blending families, Second marriage, step children, stepchildren

 

Blending families

 

 

 

 

 

Because of the Brady Bunch, did we all grow up thinking blending families was a piece of cake? If you think about it, the Brady kids got along great with each other, and with their new step parent. Ex’s or deceased spouses were never mentioned. In this week’s Love Essentially, published yesterday in Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press, I offer a real look into blending families, with the help of Licensed Marriage and Family Counselor, Jessica Waxman. 

 

Blending Families Not As Simple as The Brady Bunch  by Jackie Pilossoph

 

Jackie, what are your thoughts on blending families when the kids don’t get along?

Meeting someone and falling madly in love ranks pretty high in the best moments of life, doesn’t it? But what if you were a divorced person with kids, and what if your kids didn’t share the warm, loving feelings you have for your new sweetheart and his or her kids? It happens a lot, and according to Northbrook-based, licensed marriage and family therapist Jessica Waxman it’s understandable.
“Because children of divorce are feeling emotionally fragile, it’s hard for them to take on more change,” said Waxman, who has been practicing in the field for 11 years.

According to Waxman, there are many possible reasons kids might not get along as well as the Brady Bunch kids did:

• The kids might feel they are being forced to socialize with the kids of their mom or dad’s new love, which might be taking time away from being with their other friends.

• They might feel a sense that they are losing their parent to another family, in other words, losing control.

• The time they spend alone with their parent might decrease, causing the kids to feel insecure and angry.

•The kids might still have the fantasy that their parents are getting back together, and in their minds, the new kids prove to be obstacles to that happening.

• The kids might still be grieving. In other words, it’s just too soon.

Waxman said kids need time to grieve their parents’ divorce, to get used to having two houses, and to adjust to living with both mom and dad as single parents.
“They have to become confident that the relationship they have with both parents will stay strong during and after the divorce,” she said. “Until that happens, families shouldn’t be blended.”

Telling your children you’re in love

“I met someone I really like,” is a nice way to start the conversation, according to Waxman. She said kids like to see that their parents happy.

I agree with Waxman, but also want to add that it’s important to let your kids know that your new guy (or girl) will never try to take the place of their mother (or father), and that the new relationship won’t ever change the love you have for them, or your relationship.

As far as talking about your new love’s kids, Waxman suggested offering facts about them versus “overselling.”

For example, instead of saying, “Jenny is so adorable! She’s funny and sweet and very kind,” you might want to say, “Jenny enjoys playing soccer and she’s in the school choir.”

What if your kids refuse to see the other kids?

It’s a fine line. On one hand, you are the parent and therefore you have the right to blend your family if you choose. On the other hand, is it possible to push too much and turn the kids off permanently?
“You have to find the right balance,” Waxman said…Click here to read the rest of the column, published yesterday in Chicago Tribune Pioneer Press. 
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